Michael and Dina Lohan: ‘Lindsay’s drug-free’

Just hearing the following words come out these pathological liars’ mouths makes me immediately assume Lindsay is snorting the entire country of Colombia through the world’s biggest twenty. Via People:

“She’s fine, she’s good,” her mother, Dina, told PEOPLE Thursday about her daughter, who is currently wearing a court-ordered alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet.
“I am happy for her,” said her father Michael Lohan, who met with his ex-wife in a New York Family Court to resolve child support issues on Thursday.
“She’s on the straight an narrow,” added Michael, who previously demanded that his daughter go to rehab. “I hope it continues.”

In Lindsay’s defense, she did pass two drug tests – but with an allowance for painkillers because she suddenly had to have her wisdom teeth removed after being court-ordered to take random tests. And if that wasn’t shifty enough, she’s now trying to hitch her star to Kim Kardashian’s ass-wagon – using Twitter:

@KimKardashian let’s go to their next game!?!

I know I’m supposed to have a sexually stoic demeanor with this job, but I finally feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. Tweeting Kim Kardashian to hang out? Jesus Christ. I almost want to bring Lindsay a plate of milk and cookies and tell her I think she’s special. Kim Kardashian? Fuck me…

Photos: Splash News