Michael Vick Bails On Oprah
Michael Vick apparently wants to end up like all those dogs he murdered because he just bailed on his first post-prison interview with Oprah of all people. When reached for comment, she put on a Viking helmet and starting singing “I’m gonna fuck that boy uuuuuppp” in a opera singer voice. TMZ reports:
“After careful consideration, I will need to postpone the taping of the Oprah Winfrey interview scheduled for February 22.”
He continues, “I admire and respect Oprah and hope to be able to participate in an interview in the future.”
Speaking of Vick, I caught a lot of shit for harping on Ben Roethlisberger this season and not Vick, so allow me to explain myself real quick: I’m not a pet person. — Kidding. Well, sort of, I’m really not one because I’m a meticulously neat, self-absorbed person, but back to the subject: In the almost four years since the Vick incident I’ve watched so many celebrities do horrible shit to humans (Holding knives to their wives’ throats, hitting babies with cars, giving birth, etc.) and that tends to concern me more than animal problems. Not that I condone murdering dogs at random, but being a Super Bowl quarterback with a pattern of “allgedly” raping women because you can pay them to go away and/or discredit them seems to be the more pressing and poignant issue in my book. Especially when Vick actually did time for his crime. Whether he really regrets it or just getting caught is, of course, open for debate. Basically my point is there should be more concern over your Roethlisbergers – and apparently Mark Sanchez – who still are out there preying on women instead of getting our panties in a bunch over some dogs that died almost half a decade ago. Also, there’s another guy out there firing penis photos at chicks and I end up seeing them on the Internet, so we should probably prioritize that above anything else. I’ll get the guns.