Michael Lohan Loves Small Animals, Clearly He’s Innocent

March 24th, 2011 // 52 Comments

“As you can see in these photographs, your honor, clearly a man taking such care of a tiny dog he’s never been seen with before can’t be guilty of Kate Major’s accusations. A woman who, if I were a lesser man, might say deserved a foot to the meatbox, but I digress. So, again, just look how entirely candid these photos are of a quiet, unassuming man finding peace in the eyes of his tiny puppy friend. Also, if I might mention, yes, I am the father of the talented young actress known as Lindsay Lo- why is the bailiff pulling a gun?”

*BANG*

“Oh my God! My abdomen! You shot me in the abdomen!”

*BANG BANG*

“I’m on Harvey Levin’s speed dial, you bastards. I’ll kick your vaginas for breakfast!”

*BANG BANG BANG*

“Tell Dina… Tell her, I’ve always… I’ve always thought she was a whore… bleehhhuughhh.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. MILF

    A douche walking a bitch.

  2. Michael Lohan
    Kate
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with his nipples?

  3. Cock Dr

    These aren’t the tits we’re looking for.

  4. Michael Lohan
    JessicaMarie
    Commented on this photo:

    i mean he’s wearing a turtleneck. of course he’s innocent.

  5. ur headlights are on..

  6. Where is his little bitch lindsay at?

    • The Critical Crassness

      In court, where Michael will be soon enough. I wonder if L.A. County jails have a family plan?

  7. Michael Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    he took a pic of fluffy’s bunghole. “this is where i break my foot off if you forgot the scoop”

  8. Michael Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    so that’s where lindsay got those huge tatas from

  9. the one

    this because they won’t eat it off while licking.

  10. 88 Fingers

    What man wears a turtle neck sweater in 2011 and who tucks a sweater in?

  11. dpbefun

    Really…you show pictures of Mr. Lohan’s nips and not Jessica Biel’s, I’m starting to question Fishes objectives.

  12. jake_ryan

    Is that a flip phone? Do they still even make those?

  13. By my keen sense of observation, he’s on the way TO the grocery store. Note that he’s not carrying a jar of peanut butter… yet.

  14. I’d rather go to jail than have had this photo taken of me.

  15. Michael Lohan. On his way to his new career as a fluffer in gay porn.

  16. Danny Boy

    Well at least we know which side of the family Lindsey got her nipples from.

  17. Frank Reynolds

    You tell her from me, that she’s a God damn whore. She’s always been a whore!

  18. Kel

    He’s going to rape that dog. The excitement is written all over his sweater.

  19. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Yes hes a douche and wow his nipples are hard but I just wanna say….there really is (usually) something so cute about a big man taking care of a little dog! My husbands in the Army and everytime I see him play with our chihuahua my heart swells and I get a tear in my eye.

  20. Rancid

    He looks like Count Chocola with that retarded widow’s peak.

  21. JJ

    There seems to be a sad face trapped under his sweater.

  22. Turd Ferguson

    What a fucking freak.

  23. RoboZombie

    Nice tits ya douchebag!
    I’d like to clock this asswipe right on the chin.

  24. Michael Lohan
    Beavis
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah… Looks like Lindsay’s not the only Lohan willing to use their nipples to get a head in this world !!!

  25. That papillion is smarter than he is.

    No really, it is.

  26. Rough housing

    Ahhh there he is our favorite folk zero.

  27. blonde

    Nippin’ creepster.

  28. Discretion is not for the pantless

    His nips… they’re staring right at me!

  29. Rancid

    Thanks, guys, for pointing out “KoolAid Man” under his sweater.

    “Hey, Kool-AID!”

    “Oh YEEEEEEEEEAH!”

  30. When did he become a stereotypical gay wedding planner?

  31. Michael Lohan
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I can never pass up a chance to use the magic word: MOOBS

  32. Star Droppings

    The vet told him not to bother getting that dog tagged or microchipped. If it ever gets lost, it can easily be identified by the giant bruise on it’s vagina.

  33. Michael Lohan
    JonnyVegas
    Commented on this photo:

    I will look at Lindsay T.H.O. This, however, is just wrong.

  34. argleblargle

    Thank god Ke$ha finally put some clothes on.

  35. skuddles

    So what is this douche trying to tell us – I dress my poofy little dog in pink so surely I am not a vagina-punting rageaholic piece of cow dung?

  36. terry

    At least he knows how to dress. Love the pants. Nice creases and the pants break perfectly at the shoes.

  37. Michael Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    I can see which side of the family Lindsay gets her nipples from.

  38. Pete

    tap-tap-tap it’s the perfect crime! tap-tap-tap I packed her stupid little dog with C-4 and now I’m going to tie it up in front of her place

  39. Michael Lohan
    Eli
    Commented on this photo:

    Nipples that sharp are extra. A delicate and expensive procedure. But deadly and worth it – so they say.

  40. iminnocent

    stanley tooshe

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