Michael Lohan Loves Small Animals, Clearly He’s Innocent

By: The Superficial / March 24, 2011

“As you can see in these photographs, your honor, clearly a man taking such care of a tiny dog he’s never been seen with before can’t be guilty of Kate Major’s accusations. A woman who, if I were a lesser man, might say deserved a foot to the meatbox, but I digress. So, again, just look how entirely candid these photos are of a quiet, unassuming man finding peace in the eyes of his tiny puppy friend. Also, if I might mention, yes, I am the father of the talented young actress known as Lindsay Lo- why is the bailiff pulling a gun?”

*BANG*

“Oh my God! My abdomen! You shot me in the abdomen!”

*BANG BANG*

“I’m on Harvey Levin’s speed dial, you bastards. I’ll kick your vaginas for breakfast!”

*BANG BANG BANG*

“Tell Dina… Tell her, I’ve always… I’ve always thought she was a whore… bleehhhuughhh.

Photos: Pacific Coast News