Michael Lohan Loves Small Animals, Clearly He’s Innocent

“As you can see in these photographs, your honor, clearly a man taking such care of a tiny dog he’s never been seen with before can’t be guilty of Kate Major’s accusations. A woman who, if I were a lesser man, might say deserved a foot to the meatbox, but I digress. So, again, just look how entirely candid these photos are of a quiet, unassuming man finding peace in the eyes of his tiny puppy friend. Also, if I might mention, yes, I am the father of the talented young actress known as Lindsay Lo- why is the bailiff pulling a gun?”


“Oh my God! My abdomen! You shot me in the abdomen!”


“I’m on Harvey Levin’s speed dial, you bastards. I’ll kick your vaginas for breakfast!”


“Tell Dina… Tell her, I’ve always… I’ve always thought she was a whore… bleehhhuughhh.

Photos: Pacific Coast News