Michael Lohan Hopes His New Bastard Turns Out Just Like Lindsay. Me Too.

July 19th, 2012 // 26 Comments
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It’s always a good rule of thumb to never make a big announcement about being pregnant during the first trimester because if anything really bad’s going to go wrong, it’s then. However, this approach doesn’t allow you to call Harvey Levin while Kate Major is still wiping the pee off her snooch and scream, “BABY! I MADE A FUCKING BABY! PUT ME IN YOUR INTERNET MACHINE!” which is exactly what Michael Lohan did. And, of course, here he is pretending to be a “friend” of Kate Major’s to anyone who will transcribe his words into press. Sweet, sweet press. HuffPost Celebrity reports:

“It is for sure his child and they are back together,” a friend of Kate’s tells me. “They are both very excited about the news and can’t wait for the arrival of the baby. Michael is already picking out names and hopes they have a daughter as beautiful and talented as Lindsay. This is a second chance for him to be the parent he always wanted to be.”

Actually, this is Michael’s… Let’s see, Michael Jr., Ali, Cody, the other bastardfourth chance to be a non-shithead parent, but who’s counting? On that note, I’ve never stopped to ask this before, but does he even know who Lindsay Lohan is? Because judging by the fact he wants this kid to turn out just like her, I’m pretty sure if you asked him what his daughter’s last movie was he’d probably say, “Why Spider-Man, of course,” and then talk about how he doesn’t know about this British guy she’s dating, but “Dad’s are gonna worry, amirite?”

Photos: Terry’s Diary

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  1. Jack Ketch

    Lindsay Lohan is beautiful and talented ? *barfs* LMAO !!!!

  2. what?

    why do we care about him?

    • Well, technically, we don’t care about HIM. We care about the fucking clusterfuck situation that is the Lohan family (I use that term loosely…like Lindsay’s vagina). I don’t care if they all die, but I want to read all of the details.

  3. broduh jenner

    well, there’s one way to test the paternity. if the baby comes out snorting coke, and reeking of ciggies-we know it’s michael’s.

  4. elephantman

    Pull the trigger, please!

    Her dad is an idiot and Kate Major is really fugly!

  5. cc

    ‘This is a second chance for him to be the parent he always wanted to be.’

    A tacit admission that the first time was an abject failure?

  6. Mr. Poop

    those pictures will seem ironic after her od suicide

  7. Frank Burns

    Actually Lohan said he wants to “turn out” his new baby, just like he did Lindsay.

  8. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Doshii
    Commented on this photo:

    Odd: The weapon is a Bulgarian Arcus 98, a Browning Hi-Power knock-off. … Strange gun to see being used as a prop.

  9. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    LiLo, think about it, you have so much to live for. Most of Kaleeforna underground cocaine routes go through your coffee table. Think of the chaos that will ensue once you are gone, man!

  10. If the baby comes out and kicks his mother right in the cunt, then you know it’s Michael’s.

  11. Juano

    These photographs look like they were taken by couple of 14 year old boys who masturbate to PhotoTime magazine. No soul, certainly not art and devoid of any evidence of talent. Real creative; “gee, stick a gun in your mouth and I’ll take a picture.” Shows you why Hollywood is a just a cess pool; clowns like Terry Richardson get taken seriously.

  12. Deborah

    He wants a drug addict, alcholic, liar, thief, and slut ? How odd.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can has jewelry?”

  14. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    fucketh ye
    Commented on this photo:

    “Pray for Peace”? I’d rather pray for pieces of her brain and skull to spatter the wall behind her. Jon-Erik Hexum style…

    • Wow. Well remembered!

    • While I’m with you all the way regarding the sentiment, Jon-Erik Hexum’s brain and skull exactly didn’t end up on a wall behind him since he shot himself in the head with a blank cartridge – there was no bullet. The damage was done by the wadding that sealed the blank impacting his temple with a large amount of force, driving a chunk of bone into his brain. Since Lindsay obviously has no real brains, all that would do would just give her another excuse to skip work and go shoplifting.

      Can we pray for her to shoot herself in the ass instead, in the hope that a small coke-atrophied mid-brain might be lurking there?

  15. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    What idiot forgot to load that thing? The gun, I mean.

  16. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    “Are you sure if I load it this way it won’t actually hurt me?”

  17. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Throb the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    We can only wish……..

    Pull it, pull it………………

  18. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Marco
    Commented on this photo:

    If she would only

  19. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    bacon bits
    Commented on this photo:

    “FOR SALE”

    (Butterfield 8 pun)

  20. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Rob
    Commented on this photo:

    Do the world a favor and pull that trigger!!!!

  21. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Steph
    Commented on this photo:

    First of all she is a felon and can not hold a firearm! She has broken her probation by touching these guns. She Lost the right to even touch one is against the law….these pics are just wrong and bad for us that obey rules and don’t lose our rights !

  22. Lindsay Lohan Gun Terry Richardson Nipples Bra Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    Sometimes it would be nice if people think before they do something like a publicity photo holding a gun to her head….people who are young and impressionable , like my niece, now take photos of themselves holding a gun to their face …. this is getting to be a very sick society we live in here in the USA…. suicides have gone up 30%, that is HUGE !!! Thanks to our useless leaders and our slutty=entertainers, our society is going down HILL fast !!!!

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