Michael Lohan Wants to Box John Bobbit

April 25th, 2011 // 35 Comments

“And I’m gonna kick him right in the va- cutoff penis.”

Last week, I would’ve bet money that Dog the Bounty Hunter bailing out Nicolas Cage would be the most random thing to happen this month. Except clearly, I forgot to factor in how desperate Michael Lohan is for attention because he just agreed to fight John Wayne Bobbit for charity. RadarOnline reports:

“It should be a very interesting match!” Celebrity Boxing founder Damon Feldman told RadarOnline.
“It’s for a great cause, raising awareness for teen drug and alcohol addiction.”

Yes, this should go really far in battling teen drug addiction. In fact, I’m surprised kids aren’t instantly cured just from the mere mention of it.

“In one corner, a man who’s only claim to fame is having a wife so tired of his domestic abuse and marital rape she cut his penis off in his sleep: John. Wayne. BOBBITTT! And in this corner, a comparable woman beater who never met a private family moment he wouldn’t sell for cash: Lindsay. Lohan’s. DADDD!! Stay off drugs, kids.”

Photos: Splash News


  1. youcandieNOW

    Wow, he even has a cell phone holder for his business suits.

  2. Deacon Jones

    So when did Frankie Muniz become his cum dumpster?

  3. Lindsay

    I’d let him do me.

    Shit I forgot to use a fake name

  4. bing

    His bad taste is showing just by that horrible necktie.

  5. Cock Dr

    Eventually this culture will evolve entertainments more & more like those the Romans enjoyed.
    Put the crazy/ugly/criminal people down in the arena.
    Send in a few weapons & large hungry carnivorous animals.
    Roll video.

    I will now spend the next few minutes imagining douchebag pappa Lohan being eaten by a polar bear. He would give the bear indigestion for sure, but at least it will stop him from giving interviews.

    • Deacon Jones

      Ever see “The Running Man”?

      I want to turn west Philly into that. All we need is a big wall around it and cameras. Every else is already there.

    • Andrew

      AND it will keep us from killing all the polar bears. “Yeah, i’m not an environmentalist, but i’d keep a polar bear safe and sound to watch it maul people in an arena.”

  6. Frank Burns

    Hmm, I think the headline was supposed to be “Michael Lohan Wants to John Bobbit’s Box”

  7. dpbefun

    He always looks constipated. That could explain his bad mood.

  8. It’s hard to tell who’s the bigger douche from their wikipedia entries so I guess they have to fight for the title.

  9. jumpin_j

    I’m shocked! John Wayne Bobbit is alive?

  10. Was Tanya Harding unavailable?

  11. Was Tanya Harding unavailable?

  12. Samantha Ronson

    Two men who are famous for being assholes. And no asshole hates anything but another asshole. There’s a reason Bobbitt got his penis removed suddenly and brutally. It’s because he treated his wife like trash.

    Michael Lohan probably didn’t treat Lindsay any better. Maybe that’s why she’s so fucked up and stupid nowadays with her shoplifting and drug addiction.

  13. Donald Trump

    Michael Lohan is trash. He’s the scum from the bottom of my shoes.

    • Ivanka Trump

      Exactly, daddy. You should put him on the next Celebrity Apprentice just so you can tell him that he’s fired.

  14. IN THIS CORNER…a dickless waste of human skin, known for wife beating and being the laughing stock of late night comedy shows!


  15. “Wait, the press got that as ‘Box John Bobbit for drug awareness?’ I specifically said, ‘A bottle of Beam for my daughter the drunk Heiress.”

    • derp

      Lindsay’s not an heiress. Her family’s broke, hence the constant scraping for publicity and whoring out of their kids.

  16. Michael Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    How very ironic- Mr. Lohan wants to box Mr. Bobbitt.

    At the same time, I wish to run Mr. Lohan over with large road grading machinery.

    Totally, like, synchronicity.

  17. Jenny with a Y

    Is that a tiny leather fanny pack?

  18. JennyB

    This guy is SUCH A TOOL…Loser, meany, cold-hearted, ugly-soul, woman beater, f-n’ middle age crisis 24-7. No wonder Lindsay struggles with so many things. Part generic…part hate and anger, I can only imagine. Alright…I’ll take a deep breath now.

  19. ctrl tab

    Finally, Michael Lohan’s vagina-kicking skills will come in handy.

  20. the captain

    you don’t wanna hear how cheap this suit & tie were!!

  21. Let’s take up a collection and have him shipped to Siberia, parcel post.

  22. Lisa meant rough love

    Its next to fighting with whats in the mirror

  23. Lisa meant rough love

    But seriously, any words on if he’ll be cunt punting his way to the squared circle?

  24. Unless Bobbit’s penis falls off again, Lohan doesn’t stand a chance against him.

    “I keep trying to kick him in the vagina, but there’s this fleshy, disfigured protuberance in the way!”

  25. derp

    Nice karma beads, douchebag. How are those working out for you?

Leave A Comment