Michael Lohan: ‘I Bribed Dawn Holland, But Only Because She Hit Lindsay.’ Eh?

January 24th, 2011 // 27 Comments

Michael Lohan has come forward to confess that it he was him, not Lindsay Lohan, who bribed the now-fired Betty Ford employee Dawn Holland in exchange for her silence. Except Michael Lohan is an idiot because he wants you to believe he bribed Dawn Holland into being quiet about how guilty Dawn Holland is. Makes perfect sense. RadarOnline reports: (Jumped for length.)

Lohan told his version of events to RadarOnline.com in an email. Here it is in its entirety: “I am coming forward without regret, to tell the truth about the Da[w]n Holland situation with my daughter. Lindsay.
“From the night of this occurrence, I have been aware of the entire situation. Dawn DID assault Lindsay while demanding a urine (test) and took it to another level when Lindsay demanded the phone. Since then, Dawn has had her attorney meet with me, negotiate with me and even propose a “deal” with me, her lawyer and Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holly (Chapman) and while I agreed to Dawn Holland’s initial “number”, to procure financial stability due to getting fired, she got greedy and took it to another level.
“Dawn DEMANDED that Lindsay agree to a sit down interview to make ‘amends’ for the sake of the public NOT because Dawn wanted to set the record straight, but because she negotiated a deal to make more money from the interview. When Lindsay said that amends don’t need to be a public thing, and she would NOT do it publicly, Dawn fired her lawyer and hired another one out of vengeance.
“With Dawn Holland’s record for abuse, her assault charges, her credibility and desire for money, I believe that he courts and public will see, that this is a woman, who motives and intentions (sic), to set Lindsay up, so she could have financial gain. If she really was or is in “recovery”, she would seek it in an emotional way, rather than financial.
“If this was any other person, in the same situation, Dawn, nor the authorities would ever pursue it in this fashion.”

For those of you who read absolutely none of that and just stared at Lindsay’s breasts – *salutes* – Michael Lohan expects people to believe he had to pay off a woman who’s guilty of assault from going to the police and getting herself arrested. For assault. Because that happens.

DAWN: I should probably go to the police and admit I hit Lindsay because my life as a former drug addict and minority has instilled a deep love of law enforcement in me.
MICHAEL: Wait, citizen! Please accept this promise of cash that will never be delivered before throwing yourself to the lions and exonerating my daughter who I profess to love so much. (Have you seen my press release?)
DAWN: Oh, thank you, Michael Lohan!
MICHAEL: Just doing my job. And, please, call me Captain Idiot. *flies off*

Photos: Splash News


  1. dirtbag

    1st! assholes

  2. cumbucket

    I hate this cunting bitch

  3. ilikesake

    The only thing worse than Lindsay is her stupid idiotic parents. He`s taking attention-whoring to new heights.

  4. The things her father will do to get blogs to post pics of his daughter .

  5. Colin

    Wait, he just admitted to bribery and obstruction of justice, right? I know Lindsay can’t go to jail because she’s famous and all, but I would LOVE to see Michael Lohan become someone’s prison bitch and see how HE likes being kicked in the cunt.

    • Uh...

      Yup. He also admitted to interfering with a material witness. This is the kind of thing that prosecuters LOVE to prosecute. What a total & complete dumbass…

  6. Old Goat

    It’s nice to see that the pretty girl is back.

  7. S'up Bitches

    Good news! Lindsay is at the top of my celebrity death watch list again. Her mom is number 5.

  8. LJ

    Good to see Dad hard at work at damage control before LiLo’s court appearance. I’m sure the Judge won’t believe a word of it.

  9. Uh oh, dad’s dipping into the “Bribe Trust Fund”… now we know where all the moneey from earlier in Lindsay’s career went. Well, that, and straight up her nose.

  10. OnTheRealThough

    Mmm…i would fuck the shit outta that freckled pussy. She still looks good.

  11. Lady Blah Blah

    Her refund gap is showing.

  12. What? Michael Lohan is NOT a master of logic and legal maneuvering? This shocks me to the very core of the “duh” part of my brain.

  13. Kelley

    Still looking like the usual hoe-bag, with the usual fake tits.

  14. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Can I bribe Dawn Holland to hit Lindsay again?

  15. Lin-Lin must be off the coke: she’s getting those “baby legs” back.

    NOT that I’m complaining :D

  16. Phil

    “Hmmm, I wonder if there’s any coke redue in this pocket”

  17. j-sin

    Damn, i didn’t even read any of that. I just wanna bang Lindsay after seeing those pics. Does that make me wrong?

    • Yeah, she looks good, if you pretend that’s not her and she isn’t covered in skin cancer blotches. ..and I’m pretty sure she has been through my closet.. which is embarrassing.

  18. Facebook me

    She needs a stylist, I thought the ‘grunge look’ went out in the 90′s.

  19. See Alice

    She looks super hot ! Show more freckles !

  20. Just. Fucking. Die. Already.

  21. Lindsay Lohan
    I'm on my Period.
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked better when she was bulimic.

  22. blohans disappear already

    blohans are the #1 MOST HATED FAMILY IN THE WORLD!!!!!

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