Child Services Are About 29 Years Late

When we last left Michael Lohan, he was busy pulling a baby out of Jon Gosselin’s sloppy seconds because we need to be performing more abortions in this country, not less. Yet somehow it took two whole years for child services to step in and take the kid even though they should’ve been in the delivery room with a catcher’s mitt and a shotgun. But the important thing is they eventually got around to it except not before he gained a little brother because this world is a shit-fire. TMZ reports:

Sources familiar with the situation tell us, the Florida Dept. of Children and Families (DCF) sent social workers to Kate’s apartment in Boca Raton Wednesday after obtaining a video of some sort of extreme argument Michael and Kate were having in front of 2-year-old Landon and 10-month-old Logan.
We’re told DCF told Kate they were taking the kids temporarily until a responsible family member could take temporary custody. We’re told the kids were put in foster care overnight.
Our sources say Michael’s mother flew from Long Island immediately and the kids were taken to Michael’s home Thursday under the guardianship of grandma.
We’re told Michael and Kate can both see the kids, but only in grandma’s presence.

Keep in mind, this happened in Florida, so God only knows how bad it got before the state took the kids.

“So tell us about the home life. What’s happening there?”
“It’s pretty much chaos. The kids play with loaded guns, gator knives, and every night, the parents throw each other through windows then try to sell the footage to TMZ to buy pills.”
“I see. Well, if I’m being frank, that’s really not enough for us to step in.”
“Oh, and one time, one of them talked like a black.”
“We’ll send a team over.”

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