One of my favorite things in the world is when a pseudo-celebrity finally reaches that inevitable point in life where the only thing they have to offer society is embarrassing stories about actual celebrities. So here’s former MTV VJ Kennedy shilling her new book The Kennedy Chronicles with an anecdote about Michael Jordan trying to win her virginity in a dice game with Russell Simmons. Also, if you actually remember Kennedy being on MTV like I do, I’ll be playing shuffleboard later with a flannel shirt around my waist. Bring tapioca. TMZ reports:
Kennedy — who was a huge MTV VJ back in the ’90s — details the encounter in her new book “The Kennedy Chronicles” … explaining how she was having dinner with MJ and Russell Simmons at the Bowery Bar in NYC, when Michael broke out some dice.
Before long, Kennedy says, Jordan decided it was “time to play for something” … and said, “If I win, you come back to my hotel room with me tonight.”
Kennedy says she freaked out because she was a virgin –and imagined MJ’s giant penis would “eviscerate me from the inside out” … so she asked if they could play for Knicks tickets instead.
And that’s when Jordan allegedly reminded Kennedy he had a wife — and offered her Nets tickets as a consolation.
“Sure, he’ll filet my vag like a sea bass if he won at dice on a men’s room floor,” Kennedy writes … “but as soon as I want basketball tickets he’s a Promise Keeper? Whatevs.”
Michael Jordan constantly cheated on his wife, so right away, I want to believe this story. Except it is missing important details like how many Slavic models Russell Simmons let out of a shipping container to be his date. You’d think something like would stand out, but then again, the fear of being impaled by a giant black penis tends to distract a person, and great, now I’m flashing back to prom. No more reminiscing about the 90s. The 90s are a stupid place.