Michael Jackson’s Family Keeps Kidnapping Each Other Or Something, Who The Hell Knows?

Right off the bat, I blame the lesbian kid. Or whichever Jackson is looking right at his crotch-gina. Either one.

So “something” is happening at Michael Jackson’s mansion, but what exactly is anybody’s guess. His siblings are getting into fights with each other right outside the house, Katherine Jackson may or may not have been kidnapped and now the executors of Michael’s estate want guardianship of his kids. No one really knows what the deal is, so let’s just assume the family has split itself into two factions with one side saying Michael touched kids and the other side saying he didn’t which doesn’t mean anything to Joe Jackson’s who’s just walking around hitting everyone with a belt. Think of him as The Hulk. You can’t control him, but you can sort of aim him. “Now, listen here, Tito, Michael definitely touched-” *CRASH* “Goddammit, into the china cabinet? C’mon.”

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