Michael Jackson ‘Passed The Torch’ To Aaron Carter? Haha, Drugs

Probably what I love most about Aaron Carter is that he’s 100%, concrete historical data on where Justin Bieber will be in, God willing, a year provided we all clap our hands together and think happy thoughts. I’ll go first:

NOT WRITING THIS SHIT FOR FOUR WHOLE DAYS! WHEE!

So to see Aaron go on a Twitter rant about how Michael Jackson passed the torch to a kid who hasn’t done shit in over a decade is all kinds of amazing because, one, it proves just how out of his mind Michael Jackson was, and that, two, Aaron Carter almost definitely got molested, which I can use against him the next time he tries to make a run at Hilary Duff. (See you in the bushes, puto.) And if that last part seems harsh, Aaron Carter proudly refers to Michael Jackson as “Dookie” because what this situation really needed was butt references. Now, we have to believe Michael Jackson gave him his jacket as a symbolic gesture and not because he needed to cover up a naked boy because the bedroom alarm was going off again. They had secret nicknames, guys, c’mon.

So, should someone tell Aaron Carter that Michael Jackson spent 90% of his day whacked out on surgicial anesthesia and probably thought he was just giving his coat to Macaulay Culkin with an iron deficiency, or should we let that be a surprise for later? Whichever one keeps him out of Hilary Duff’s trash. I’m turning it into a study.

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