Michael Douglas’ Ex-Wife Wants You To Know Her Vagina Is Spotless

June 3rd, 2013 // 17 Comments
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“Did that guy just say you can get cancer from eating pussy? I wonder if he has any coke…” (Haha! The 80s.)

Thanks to Michael Douglas announcing to the world that he got throat cancer from cunnilingus, it behooves a woman whose vagina he stuck his tongue into to set the record straight that she maintains a safe, clean lady-hole free of disease. Which is exactly what his ex-wife Diandra did through TMZ today because apparently flying an “It’s Catherine Zeta-Jones‘ Fault!” banner over Los Angeles was too subtle. At any rate, I took the liberty of putting together pics of Michael and Diandra where he doesn’t at all look like a man who just found out his wife’s vagina is spraying cancer into his throat. Or did I do the exact opposite of that? After an hour, these posts start running together.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. The throat cancer is worth it.

  2. This shit is better than television!

  3. Diandra Douglas Michael Ex-Wife
    Krazee Thug Nutz
    Commented on this photo:

    Framed “Grand Illusion” album cover by Styx – priceless…in the 80′s.

  4. Diandra Douglas Michael Ex-Wife
    REVIVER
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like we’ve found the pussy that’s responsible for this horrible illness….

  5. Dr. Porkenheimer

    “…without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

    HPV can be spread through oral sex; but unless Michael Douglas’s tongue is twice the length of Gene Simon’s any cancerous lesions he contracted through cunnilingus would be on his lips or near the opening of the oral cavity. HPV lesions in the throat are usually caused by exposure through fellatio.

  6. Diandra Douglas Michael Ex-Wife
    caley
    Commented on this photo:

    “You know honey, I was just thinking life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg!”

  7. Has everybody forgotten that the reason his wife Diandra left him is because he was banging (and licking) anything that moved. On another note, I may never give head again.

  8. Sadly, not in time to warn Kristen Steward and Director Boy!

  9. Hoo-ha Defense League

    In related news Michael Lohan now says he has foot cancer. Only cure is to kick more vaginas.

  10. So Michael Douglas is implying cunnilingus is the only way one can contact this particular cancer?
    “Hey, you guys, I am a MAN! I ate so much of my beautiful wife’s pretty pussy it gave me cancer. Then I kicked its ass and now I’m back…playing a drag queen pianist who died from AIDS.”

  11. HoeBagDouglas

    He has become a DickFace liar,
    back in 2010 he blamed years of drinking &smoking for causing his throat cancer, conceding the “stress”{zeta’s bipolar, son’s behavior} of the last year may also have played a part in his health struggle.

    • No, he’s just an idiot who believes whatever makes him look the best – claiming that more exposure to the virus that caused your cancer will help cure it shows how little intelligence or flat-out reasoning ability he actually has. Getting cancer because you’re a hella lickity-split cocksman sounds way better to him than “I got cancer cuz my loser kid’s in prison and I drank and smoked too much because I have no impulse control”, so that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

  12. Diandra Douglas Michael Ex-Wife
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s as if he’s looking into his future and seeing throat cancer.

  13. Lola

    Me thinks Diandra is a little desperate for attention. He hasn’t been with her in ages so I doubt anyone would have even remembered or thought of her. Anything to stay relevant I guess, dumb bitch.

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