Catherine Zeta-Jones Is Single

“Eh? Oh, right, the cancer stuff.”

In a surprising move, the Internet actually took time away from accusing Miley Cyrus’ ass of twerking open the door to Armageddon this morning to report that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are separated after 13 years of marriage. Radar reports:

Michael Douglas and wife Catherine Zeta-Jones are separated, has confirmed, with a source telling us that “Michael wanted out” while “Catherine desperately wanted to cover up the situation.”
The Basic Instinct star, 68, and Chicago stunner, 43, have been on a “break” for some time, as Douglas took their kids — Dylan, 13, and Carys, 10, — overseas to Sardinia without their mother, who has stayed in her native New York.
Insiders tell People, who first reported the story, the stars haven’t begun the paperwork process in the split.
One source said, “They want the best for their kids, no matter what happens.”

Radar also calls the split “shocking,” but c’mon, really? We’re talking about a couple where an elderly man publicly accused his younger, bipolar wife of giving him throat cancer with her vagina. The only thing shocking is Michael Douglas isn’t even hiding that he doesn’t want to live anymore. “Dammit. Why didn’t I die in a suspicious house fire?” he says every morning.

Photos: Getty