Michael Bay Was Attacked By A Zombie, Your Mind-P*ssy Just Got Exploded With Truth

October 18th, 2013 // 11 Comments
Michael Bay Vs. Hong Kong
Michael Bay
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“So things are getting hot, right? She’s laying on the Ferrari, all writhing and shit. I’m primed and ready to drop my C4. Except if you look at my fingers, you’ll notice the one I’m about to collide into is not in the shape of a hole, and that’s why my car was on fire when you came to work this morning. Any more questions, Dick Tracy?”

Yesterday, the Internet went a little crazy over a story about Michael Bay being attacked in Hong Kong on the set of Transformers 4 because the second one was shit, and God willing, he was dying for those sins. Except, according to Michael Bay’s blog, the facts weren’t all straight because not only did some punk not punch him in the face, but he totally ducked all of that shit which also happened to be a zombie. Uh huh:

Hi, it’s Michael.

Yes, the story is being passed around is not all true! Yes, some drugged up guys were being belligerent asses to my crew for hours in the morning of our first shoot day in Hong Kong. One guy rolled metal carts into some of my actors trying to shake us down for thousands of dollars to not play his loud music or hit us with bricks.

Every vendor where we shot got paid a fair price for our inconvenience, but he wanted four times that amount. I personally told this man and his friends to forget it we were not going to let him extort us. He didn’t like that answer. So an hour later he came by my crew as we were shooting, carrying a long air conditioner unit. He walked right up to me and tried to smack my face, but I ducked threw the air unit on the floor and pushed him away. That’s when the security jumped on him. But it took seven big guys to subdue him. It was like a Zombie in Brad Pitt’s movie World War Z—he lifted seven guys up and tried to bite them. He actually bit into one of the guards Nike shoe, insane. Thank god it was an Air Max, the bubble popped, but the toe was saved.

Then it took fifteen Hong Kong cops in riot gear to deal with these punks. In all, four guys were arrested for assaulting the officers.

After that, we had a great day shooting here in Hong Kong. The place couldn’t be better.

Just so we’re all clear, according to Michael Bay’s version of events, he single-handedly repelled an attack from a zombie with superhuman strength who required fifteen Hong Kong riot officers to take down. Which actually checks out because if my life involved getting paid to bang Victoria’s Secret models, I’d develop incredible combat skills as a means of survival, too. The man’s probably our greatest warrior.

“You die today, Michael Bay.”
“The fuck I do, I’m shooting with Candice Swanepoel next week. HADOKEN!”

Photo: Getty


  1. Inner Retard

    This explains so much about his movies. The guy is on some kind of permanent mind-altering high.

  2. Victorias Secret Very Sexy Ad Michael Bay
    Commented on this photo:

    I get sick of looking at Candice Swanepoel. Ahahahaahahahahaa!

  3. The threats of being hit with bricks does in fact sound like Hong Kong Triads. I partially retract my statement from yesterday.

  4. Wow, even a Michael Bay blog has product placement. “Nike Air Max, official shoe protection of the Zombie Apocalypse.”

  5. Judging by the instruction he’s giving with his hands, Bay’s new Cruise/Travolta flick is gonna be hotter than any C4 explosion.

  6. Good thing for him that he is a film director, ‘cuz he sounds like he’s only semi-literate and couldn’t hold another job.

  7. WTF did I just read? That was an insane amount of gibberish that was all over the place. “Thank God it was a Nike Air Max shoe”, seriously? What in the bloody hell?

  8. Ted

    His head is way too small for his body.

  9. My God! There was even product placement in his explanation.

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