Never Ask Michael Bay To Describe His Work Without A Teleprompter

January 7th, 2014 // 17 Comments
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*chisels ice off dick* Okay, I’m ready.

Because his movies are 1,000% visual and -13% plot, story and characters, Michael Bay was invited to CES 2014 to showcase the new Samsung Curved 105-inch television. And literally all he had to do was talk about his life’s work as a director which apparently is impossible to do without a teleprompter because as soon it went out, he literally bolted off stage like he’d just seen a beautiful woman not washing his Ferrari. A series of events, that even he’ll admit was embarrassing as shit which he just did on his blog:

Wow! I just embarrassed myself at CES – I was about to speak for Samsung for this awesome Curved 105-inch UHD TV. I rarely lend my name to any products, but this one is just stellar. I got so excited to talk, that I skipped over the Exec VP’s intro line and then the teleprompter got lost. Then the prompter went up and down – then I walked off. I guess live shows aren’t my thing.
But I’m doing a special curved screen experience with Samsung and Transformers 4 footage that will be traveling around the world.

What’s incredible is there was another presenter on stage completely tossing Michael Bay softballs about his work, so all he had do to was tell the truth and say things like, “Man, explosions get me HARD,” or “Titties look so much good when they run in the slow-slow,” and absolutely everyone would’ve been satisfied with those answers because it’s Michael Bay. It’s not like they expected him to pontificate on cinematography for 20 minutes. This is a man who put testicles on a Transformer. Words aren’t his bag (of roofies).


  1. Mohawk Disco

    Needed a good laugh today. This did it.

  2. What a useless clown. Or maybe not totally useless, he made at least one person laugh.

  3. Hugh G. Rection

    (cough)Douche Bag(cough)

  4. Holy shit, that was brilliant!
    “Titties look so much good when they run in the slow-slow,”

  5. Wow. Way to think on your feet! DICKWAD.

  6. I also find it hard to put my own thoughts into words without someone writing down my thoughts for me before hand.

  7. Which transformer had testicles? I only saw the first one and I only remember Megan fox bent over the hood of that camaro.

  8. Deacon Jones


    Couldnt have happened to a shittier director, love it!
    The best part is watching the exponentially increasing amount of people holding up their phones, recording it, as he’s stammering

    • Mohawk Disco

      This could not have been scripted and turn out better. The pacing, the perfectly timed buildup of tension, the acting, and finally the perfect payoff. If only his movies had this kind of writing.

  9. JimBB

    In all fairness, the lack of explosions and lens flares onstage distracted him.

  10. Rico Jones

    I usually find watching things like this incredibly painful and cringe worthy so I was going to skip it but then I clicked play and laughed my ass off. Click Play.

  11. Jenn

    “I has the dumz!!”

  12. Dr.J

    Yeeesh. I had to watch that with my t-shirt collar pulled half up over my face I was cringing so hard at the awkward.

  13. Shemp

    “Hey Michael: why the long face?”

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