- Actual footage of the meteorite that hit Russia instead of me being a penis. [BuzzFeed]

- Gwyneth Paltrow will guide all you sad, lonely bitches through the sad loneliness. [Lainey Gossip]

- Brangelina are selling wine now. The secret ingredient is multi-national children’s tears. [Dlisted]

- John Mayer banged Katy Perry last night in case you’re wondering how and why that meteor happened. [Just Jared]

- All these women spent yesterday single, so their expectations are extremely low right now. Strike, STRIKE! [theCHIVE]

- Kate Upton doesn’t care if you call her fat because she’s a blonde, 20-something with amazing breasts. She’s the next stage in human evolution until she hits 30. [IDLYITW]

- Oh fucking Christ, now Maria Menounos is making out with that GoDaddy kid. Are his teeth a hedge fund manager? [Popoholic]

- Brooklyn Decker is a brunette now, so yet another cause of the meteor. [TooFab]

- Xenia Deli is still crazy hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

- And the same goes for Cintia Dicker in Sports Illustrated whose hotness will only further embolden the Ginger Revolution. We are at their mercy now. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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