Melissa Joan Hart, known for her starring role on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, gave birth to a baby boy on Wednesday. The 29-year-old and her husband Mark Wilkerson have named their first child Mason Walter Wilkerson. Melissa said, “He was a little stubborn but all is well. Everyone is well and we are all relieved.”
The polite thing in these circumstances is to say “congratulations”, but a more accurate description of my feelings is “thank god.” Most women look good when they’re pregnant, but Melissa…I mean, just look at that picture. It’s like something you’d use in a Soviet interrogation room. “You no talk, huh? What about we show you…(pulls out picture) this!” (ensuing screams, tears, thumb-sucking, weeping like a little girl).
rocketscience | January 13, 2006 at 10:06 am
That is so cruel. Who makes fun of a woman who has just brought life into the world?? Well I guess it is allowed when its a lazy eyed reject like this has been haha.
Monkey | January 13, 2006 at 10:07 am
I heard she popped out a black baby, and her husband was like, “Explain THIS, Clarissa!”
Har! I’m freakin’ hilarious sometimes.
gossipmonger | January 13, 2006 at 10:08 am
ummm,ewww?
SuperSpence | January 13, 2006 at 10:14 am
I have three questions:
1] Who is Melissa Joan Hart?
2] Why is she so ugly?
3] Is The Superficial going to be showing a lot of photos of ugly people from now on?
uncommonamerican | January 13, 2006 at 10:15 am
Did they run any tests to see if this was a crack baby? Because she really really looks like a crackwhore in that photo. I’m not saying she smoked crack, just that she might have gangbanged a few dozen guys to get some.
EZSlut | January 13, 2006 at 10:17 am
She must be 29-DOG-year-old….
asenath7766 | January 13, 2006 at 10:21 am
Yikes! As mean as it is (oh that’s what makes this site fun!), pregnancy and birth is not a pretty time for most women. I haven’t experienced it yet, but have put it off partly due to this reasoning. One thing’s for sure, hubby will not be viewing the birth. I want him to remain sexually attracted to me!
sammygirl | January 13, 2006 at 10:23 am
That photo should be passed around high schools as a birth control deterrent.
Escribo | January 13, 2006 at 10:50 am
Wow! That photo’s a far far cry from her Maxim photo spread: http://www.maximonline.com/girls_of_maxim/pictures_and_bio/29/maximgirls.girl
She looks like she’s gone the way of Britany.
hafaball | January 13, 2006 at 10:59 am
Funnier post then I’d thought it’d be! XD
Maybe she can be on a new show now, “Sabrina the deformed, freakishly hideous Witch, who explains it all.”
I know some of you get that last part…freakin pervs.
LaLindsey | January 13, 2006 at 11:09 am
Aw leave her alone! Yeah her eyes a bit crooked, and she obviously packed the pounds on . . . (wish there was a full body shot!) but hell, pregnancy isn’t easy. Believe me. I’m due to have my baby on Sunday and this has be 40 weeks of hell. Not to mention it’s my second time around.
Oh, and asenath7766 — my boyfriend will be there for the birth – and he was there for our first and there has definetely been no loss in sexual attraction (obviously since he knocked me up again . . . )
Mallory | January 13, 2006 at 11:22 am
Yeah, she looks bad but give her a break. Pregnancy is brutal on your body. These celebs that are back in shape right away are freaks of nature. She looks so uncomfortable. Whew, I don’t miss being pregnant.
Queen LaQueefah | January 13, 2006 at 11:52 am
It is times like these when I am glad I don’t look like an overstuffed larvae wriggling in a trashcan full of pizza mangled with dirty diaper. But only times like these. Other times, I go about my normal business as a hot babe.
Aeolis | January 13, 2006 at 12:19 pm
You know, ‘thank god’ was my first thought too. Pregnancy rocks but i’ve literally never seen someone look that bad while expecting. I mean it was ALL bad. My mom used to joke that the babies stole a mother’s beauty, and in this instance, I’m going to guess her kid’s going to grow up to be the hottest person ever due to his obvious theft of his mom’s cuteness.
twodollartricks | January 13, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Ugh. That picture makes me want to gouge out my eyes.
greenlief | January 13, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Has anybody got this image in a higher resolution? If you look in the background you will see a University of Toronto engineering student. As a fellow U of T engineer this intrigues me….
bloodyvictim | January 13, 2006 at 2:14 pm
That Maxim spread just proves that a good photographer, with good lighting, and a good computer, with a gallon of “de-uglifying” potion, can make any chubby, lazy-eyed, average girl look like a fucking sex kitten… Maxim… do me next!
Aiwass | January 13, 2006 at 2:34 pm
She looks like the monster of The Goonies.
drowningfool | January 13, 2006 at 3:58 pm
That is why I will never let a woman con me into marrying her. She was cute her entire life. Mellissa Explains it all, hot. Sabrina, hot. Maxim, hot. Even her later years, that one movie she did. So you think you’re marrying a hot actress and WHAM she gets crushed by an ugly stick and you have to take care of her and a kid for the rest of your life. That’s what women do: they trick you into thinking they’re hot with make-up and push up bras to suck you into their trap and once you’re in their lair they take off their mask to reveal the disgusting creatures they are. Yes I’m talking about all women. And yes I’m gay.
Rocknrope | January 13, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Uff-da. If I were her husband I’d wallpaper the baby’s room with that Maxim spread. Better yet, wallpaper the baby with it. Even better yet, superglue it to her face.
GingersCoconuts | January 13, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Aiwass, His name was Sloth, and he was prettier! Gee, I thought I looked bad preggers. She takes the cake!…And then ate it, baked another, and ate it, baked another, and continued all afternoon.
Captain Awesome | January 13, 2006 at 4:29 pm
SLOTH LOVES CHUNK.
mags | January 13, 2006 at 5:12 pm
You sure that’s an engineering jacket, greenlief? Just looks like a windbreaker to me.
*doesn’t have anything with U of T on it*
Shaun | January 13, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Not sure what to say but I am positive she will be a good mother.
DannyJames | January 13, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Question:
Did she ever look good?
~S.Starr~ | January 13, 2006 at 6:47 pm
OMG people…some of you people are just dumb. SHE JUST HAD A BABY! You make it sound like a crime to gain weight during a pregnancy. Contrary to popular “celebrity” belief…normal people dont walk out of the delivery room looking like the cover of Maxim magazine. It’s a no win situation… If she looked thin and fab right now you people would posting comments about how she spends to much time Glaming herself up and probably doesnt raise her own kid…she should be a mom! And if she doesnt care about looking and just wants to take care of her newborn baby then you makes comments about how fat and ugly she is…pointless…absa-fuckin-lutly pointless.
tess | January 13, 2006 at 7:02 pm
OMG, I can’t believe that Melissa went from an adorable teenage sweethart to a trailer trash soccer mom. I mean, she lost all of her appeal. She now looks like one of those fat suburban housewives who are to busy with home chores to take care of themselves. This is really sad. Plus, she definitely does not look like a 29 years old. I guess 42 would be more appropriate.
susie-q | January 13, 2006 at 7:23 pm
is that even her? … OMG that’s just bad
DannyJames | January 13, 2006 at 7:34 pm
#26, thus is being a celebrity. They cant win, and thats whats so great.
Hello. | January 13, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Well, you shouldn’t comment on how ugly the celebrity, Melissa Joan Hart, is when she is pregnant. Mothers that are not famous, while pregnant, sometimes doesn’t look good too. So why talk about her?
SugaryCherry | January 13, 2006 at 10:45 pm
We all know that even celebs pack on the pounds and don’t wear makeup after going through pregnancy/labor (aside from when they’re making public appearances). Just because they’re famous doesn’t mean they’re not subjected to having to eat for two and a mess of hormones and weight gain like other people.
A-Bomb | January 13, 2006 at 10:57 pm
i bet she actually ate the umbelical cord and after-birth. i mean is that not the really cool / in-thing to do in Holly-wierd right now?
blackblackheart | January 13, 2006 at 11:13 pm
It looks like that’s her grandma… She does NOT look her age. My stepmother is 34 and she looks a hell of a lot younger than that.
SugaryCherry | January 13, 2006 at 11:23 pm
A-bomb, you’re talking about the placenta. If you’re going to make fun, make sure your shots are well based.
P.S. It’s umbillical.
derekd | January 14, 2006 at 1:47 am
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That is one scary pic.
derekd | January 14, 2006 at 1:47 am
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That is one scary pic.
Jolene | January 14, 2006 at 5:59 am
Awww, Melissa! Put some make up on, for God’s sake!! ….No, no, wait, here, better put a mask. Anyway, I hope the baby’s gonna be sweet, because hubby’s leaving^^
slinkhard | January 14, 2006 at 6:47 am
‘One thing’s for sure, hubby will not be viewing the birth. I want him to remain sexually attracted to me!’
The kind of guy who wouldn’t be afterwards is probably not someone you’d want to stay married to.
And jeebus, people, leave the pregnant women alone for a while? I’ve never have kids, but I should think anyone who’s gone through 40 weeks of it, plus labour is entitled to look however the hell they want. And since none of you guys are ever going to have to, keep your lips zipped.
Nurse Kellie | January 14, 2006 at 10:44 am
I realize she just had a baby and I’m not going to make a comment on how she looks now vs then other than to ask is it just the pic or is her skin looking bluish?
HelpingOutTheMorons | January 14, 2006 at 10:59 am
I realize she was pregnant but man did she get big. She’s obviously one of those women who don’t just gain it in the belly. Good luck Melissa.
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
2cute4ya | January 14, 2006 at 11:59 am
Her husband is HOT!!! I’ll take him!
Videomaster | January 14, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Sources report the twins are ok, the couple will be shown to the press next sunday. Their names are George and Gracie.
prideofchucky | January 14, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Ahaha Soviet intergation room. Hilarious..
But really she does look like a candidate for the “Hot Women of Siberia 2006 calendar”.
I’m guessing she would be Ms. September. She looks like an autumn… Plus when I look at her in that picture I shiver… (and cry uncontrollably)
Bo_Smith | January 14, 2006 at 4:28 pm
She will be thin as a twig in 4 weeks time. Then The Superficial will post shots about how fab she’s looking.
ATOMIC_DOG | January 14, 2006 at 5:10 pm
29,,,she looks about 40 in this pic.