Melissa and Joan Rivers have really saggy boobs

August 28th, 2006 // 71 Comments

I was thinking of renaming the site When Old People Attack so I could justify putting up these pictures of Melissa and Joan Rivers, but I figure that’s already a show on Fox so I’ll just stick with what we’ve got. And here’s a little tip to help remind you whether or not you should be wearing a bra: if your boobs are hanging lower than your mom’s, put on a bra. Put on two bras. Shit, pull out a stapler if you need to.


  1. *pukes in mouth*

    looks at pictures again

    *pukes in mouth again*

  2. rudesauce

    …and leathery skin.

  3. barryjc

    they belong in a museum

  4. rudesauce

    What’s with the third picture? Why is Melissa’s dress plugged into her lower back?

    They look like the vomit sisters.

  5. Melissa Rivers is the kind of bitch that if someone even intimated you had sexual relations with her, you would beat the living shit out of them. And Joan, well, what can you say about a woman who lost her virginity to Abraham Lincoln.

  6. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    The one with the brown hair (I don’t know which Rivers is which) is wearing tassles from curtains as earrings.

  7. jrzmommy

    Joan and Melissa Rivers walk into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, gals, why the long faces?

  8. RichPort

    Written mathematically, I believe this is hideous squared.

  9. StomachPunch

    the only thing worse than having to hear joan rivers talk about fashion is seeing her trying to be fashionable….which is difficult seeing as how your tits droop down to your knees.

  10. it’s obvious that melissa’s boobs are trying to reach down to catch her necklace…and why is she doing so many photo ops with heather locklear? strange combination…oh…nevermind…

    it’s pretty bad when your 80 year old mother looks better in cleavage showing gown than you do…

  11. 86

    They both need to get husbands. Hello even Britney knew when to stop hanging out with her mom 24/7. Course in Britney’s case it was because her mom was so much hotter than her.

  12. Jake

    Are these women? With…vaginas?

  13. Joanie looks good!!

  14. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    10 & 11. These women are mother and daughter? I thought they were SISTERS! Jesus, the one that is the daughter has got to be feeling shit about that! Someone needs to get better skin cream or the mother’s got a great plastic surgeon…

  15. Italian Stallion

    Where is Mel Gibson when you need him?

  16. dupababy

    one would think, if one’s mother is the proverbial queen of plasticity, reconstructive surgery would be a family affair.. obviously, in the case of missy’s boobage, it is sadly NOT.. perhaps her aspiration is to hook a midget letting her tits hang lo and they wobble to and fro.. hmm.. what an enticement..

    after all, family is a four-letter word..

  17. combustion8

    I would hit them both… with a louisville slugger.

  18. beanncheese

    15. Mel? Where is the Taliban when you need them…cover up those faces for God…erggh, I mean Allah’s sake!

  19. Blindkangaroo

    mmm, yummy threesome. I’d tap them!

    … now let me put down the crack pipe

  20. chortle

    joan’s got a zsa zsa look going on……..

  21. i can’t help but think about the family guy where joan rivers interviews brian on the red carpet…
    “is your mike even plugged in”
    “in my mind…”

  22. Expanding on #16′s comment. The fact that these two are WELL KNOWN for having had a hell of a lot of Plastic Surgery, it’s amazing to me that why they were in getting their faces hacked away and sand blasted they didn’t add a simple tit-lift to the mix.

  23. I like the look on the face of the woman in the background in the third picture….she’s got that “sweet mother of God” face going on as she diverts her eyes.

  24. wow, i got like 15 boners looking these pics!

  25. Bossy

    i keep thinking of family guy where joan rivers interviews brian.. “OMG omg omg this is JOANN rivers here….”

  26. purplepuppy

    …and really saggy careers too.

  27. Jedi Kevin

    They have no business judging other people now.

  28. #23: I was about to write the exact same thing !! Girl in backgroud of picture #3 looks completly annoyed by those saggy boobs …
    And Melissa, honey, you’re starting to get wrinkles on your FOREARM …

  29. How the F is Melissa Rivers famous anyway?
    And is it just me or does she look like she has every eating disorder known to man… as well as about 100 face lifts?

  30. jrzmommy

    What is Joan showing us all TA DA-like in the third picture? Her ugly horsefaced daughter? What? Her backne?

  31. ch474

    OMG the arms! Forget the boobs – not that there is a lot to remember – but one has waddling turkey neck arms, and Joan looks like she had arms transplants from an Egyptian mummy.

    Going back to the boob thing, watching the red carpet shows last night it was good to see that boobs are back in fashion. I like boobs. I really like boobs in my face.

  32. BLucky

    Knock Melissa for riding on her mother’s coat-tails all you want, but Joan Rivers could own the ass of everyone who thinks they’re clever enough to comment here.

  33. CoJo

    They remind me of Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn in the movie “Death Becomes Her” – the story of two women that can live forever, but end up looking like walking corpses in the end

  34. Famous people who are famous just because they are famous are stupid. And Famous.

  35. yertle

    We take you now to the Project Runway set:

    Tim Gunn: “I’m worried Melissa, very worried, I can’t tell your front from your back…”

    Michael Kors: “The Madame Tussaud people just arrived…” ‘nuf said.

    Nina Garcia: “I’m sorry, I’m not getting the whole “drag queen from Target” thing, I’m sorry, I just don’t get it…”

    Heidi Klum: “You’re Out…no really, get out!

  36. jrzmommy

    33–20 years ago before dementia set in and back when she could move her mouth to speak, yeah. Now–no.

    Her husband committed suicide — did he have a vision of the future?

  37. kandyk0119

    That dress Melissa has on is hideous, it’s by Lucy, Lucy or something like that, her mom looks like an animated wax figure, these ladies should change their line of work soon.

  38. Sorry, third picture again:
    Does Melissa have a humid-crotch spot from sitting on a leatherette limo-car seat ?

  39. jrzmommy

    The only thing Joan has going for her is her complete honesty about cosmetic surgery. She has said that she would get face lifts until her ears touched. I think she’s achieved that.

  40. #40: you mean until she gets a little beard …

  41. SuperShallow

    Oh jeez! Good god strike me blind! Only blindness will stop the vomiting…..
    Oh dear, its too late….I’ve thrown up my liver….last rights?

  42. I Will Eat Your Children

    The Duff sisters in 60 years….

  43. I always wondered how Joan Rivers would look like without Plastic Surgery.

  44. Cold Hearted Witch

    Amen to that #21.

    Now one has to wonder, with how much they criticize other people’s outfits…shouldn’t they help each other out a little more?

  45. Gary

    And they know toasted. (Just like George Hamilton)

  46. YoMamma

    Do your boobs hang low,
    Do they wobble to and frow.
    Can you tie them in a knot,
    Can you tie them in a bow.
    Can you throw them over your shoulder…


  47. Eye-Dish Lass

    @47 – Hilarious….(even though I’ll be singing it all f’ing day!)

  48. Eye-Dish Lass

    Yummy. Joan’s Soft Serve Ice Cream looks sooo good. And not even melting in the LA sun? Huh?

  49. When did Michael Jackson get a bee-hive?

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