Melissa McCarthy Really Destroyed Sean Spicer’s Whole Life

“Is that Big League Chew? Roll it up into a ball. Lob it into my mouth. I’mma swallow the whole thing.”

Yesterday, we learned that Donald Trump was fucking pissed over the fact that Sean Spicer was played by a girl in the now-viral Melissa McCarthy SNL sketch. And now comes word that Trump’s looking to replace Spicer, so congratulations, America. Your president is an Orange Goosemonster who can be easily goaded by a comedy show. That’s really great, and not at all a recipe for World War III. I see your boner over there, Bannon! Via Death and Taxes:

CNN reports that Trump was “not amused” by McCarthy’s performance. According to sources, the president views Spicer’s performance as press secretary as inadequate, and he blames White House chief of staff Reince Priebus for recommending Spicer for the role.
“Priebus vouched for Spicer and against Trump’s instincts,” a source told CNN.
Trump “regrets it every day and blames Priebus,” the source added.

As much as it pains me to help this administration, I’m going to put my country first and offer up a word of advice: Maybe don’t trust a guy named Rinsed Pubes. And, really, that applies to all parts of life.

“Hi, I’m Rinsed Pubes. Need your lawn mowed?”
“I sure don’t!”

“So you’re looking for an oil change. Rinsed Pubes, at your service.”
“Nope!”

“Make Sean Spicer your press secretary. My name sounds like wet dick hair.”
“I make the best deals. Let’s do it.”

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Photo: Getty