Clarissa Explains Her Bikini Body

April 9th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Here’s Melissa Joan Hart showing off her new body thanks to Nutrisystem who apparently includes a free copy of Photoshop with every prepackaged meal. Except I’m willing to look past all of that for reasons including, but not limited to, dat ass, how much Clarissa hates Ashton Kutcher and the time she posed for Maxim:

Melissa Joan Hart Maxim

“What’s that, Clarissa? You’re a Republican, and you took all of my Star Wars figurines out of their original packaging? Let’s get married!” – The amount of goodwill here

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. Yep. She can pretty much get away with anything right now.

    Delete my over 400 hours put into Pokemon Y so far? “Aw, you’re so adorable. We’re gonna have sex now, right?

  2. Whos is this Clarissa you speak of? That there’s Sabrina that is!

  3. Ivan

    That is one of the worst Photoshop jobs I’ve ever seen.

  4. JimBB

    Between this and the Julia Louis-Dreyfuss story, I’m beginning to think that Adobe should be charged with crimes against humanity. Photoshop started out as a noble idea, BUT IT’S GONE TOO FAR, PEOPLE!!!

  5. Isn’t she big bible thumper? I’d totally sin in her hair.

  6. I like how the position of the legs makes her hips and thighs appear slimmer than they are (must be her problem area). I also like the softer lighting they used around the body to make her look slimmer

  7. hot and of the best chicks out there.

  8. Shouldn’t you use Photoshop to make you, you know, not look fat?

  9. Winston

    Hilary Duff should take note of this.

  10. Shemp

    Having watched Melissa and Joey (ugh) for the sole purpose of seeing MJH’s ass, I can tell you that it (her ass) is like a fucking ninja in that show. You will almost NEVER get a clear view of it The director manages to position countertops, sofas, purses, whatever is handy (and big enough) between the camera and her ass. And when it comes close to being unmissable, they do a cutaway shot. With. Out. Exception. Which is, or was, a pity: Mel is thick in a verrry good way. Kinda like Kaley Cuoco is thick in a lot of episodes of BBT, only better. They do the camera trick with Kaley a lot too: she’s kept in black pants (and, below the waist, positioned behind things) a LOT…

  11. Damnit! Now I wish I’d watched all those kids’ shows when my younguns were little.

  12. That picture of her on the bed is as sexy as a truckload of big-titted, nymphomaniacal motherfuckers.

  13. BK Whopper

    I have a “tool” to use on her fat ass! (Lying on couch beating off frantically to re-runs of Sabrina)

  14. Melissa Joan Hart Thin Weight Loss Tight Dress Monsters University Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    She has always had a juicy phat ass…real nice!

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