Melanie Brown in a bikini

May 31st, 2009 // 79 Comments

Melanie Brown (a.k.a. Scary Spice) signed autographs at Tao Beach in Vegas yesterday, and fuck me, those are some ripped abs. Granted, they don’t hold a candle to my own, but for the fairer sex those are some impressive abdominals. Seriously, if Melanie and I got together, my neighbors would think two knights were battling in my bedroom from all the steel-on-steel action: *CLANG* *CLANG* “Excalibur usually stays in the stone longer, I swear.” *CLANG*

Photos: Splash News

  1. rgrtg

    First! Ripped!

  2. That’s a tight little body!
    But I hear she didn’t get the name Scary Spice for nothing! :)

  3. Is this a man?

    Nice body but the ab things is overdone it’s masculine. She needs to layoff the situps. I will give her credit for being in amazing shape. She’a overall fucking hot nonetheless.

  4. Pilatunes

    Damn, one of the trainers at my gym was built like this, and had slightly darker skin. One of my friends another trainer got to fuck her, I think it was the happiest night of his life. I will envy him forever, pounding that glistening brown behind from the rear while holding on to both her wrists.

  5. Duuude

    Levi Johnson, Octo-mom and Scary Spice? Really? I thought this was a celebrity website. At least it used to be funny.

    You suck, Fish.

  6. Venom

    I want to date a woman not a dude.
    This is too much.
    Maybe that is why Eddie Murphy was attracted to her…

  7. khole

    wow that’s unreal kudos to her!

    I am a girl and the majority of females can’t even get this body with a billion situps even if we tried. I always wonder how they do it?

    Most girls say oh it doesn’t look nice it’s probably because they can’t ever get it not even in their dreams :P

  8. Even though i like it soft and mushy I do command ms scary on hard work, dedication and a discipline diet…

  9. Alli Watermelon

    Props to her for being able to do that! It’s a bit much though! Just sayin!

  10. shroom

    Good lord! She is so ripped! Beautiful!!!!!!

  11. shroom

    Good lord! She is so ripped! Beautiful!!!!!!

  12. John

    All I can say is…WOW..she is..WOW..Shes Cut..(drool)…..(pause and gaining composer) ( Sniff)…Yea..I’d hit that.

  13. Rhialto

    A sixpack and a pair of silicons.Isn’t that what most girls want?

  14. Darth

    A black Montauk Monster? Where did they catch this one?

  15. vanessa

    i don’t know whether to be impressed or terrified…

  16. John W.

    This is what women should look like after having kids.

  17. lisa

    amazing body, especially after kids!

  18. Mortimer211

    Now that she’s in great shape you all want to tap that ass but where were you when she was 5-10 pounds overweight?

    In these comments, complaining over how you’d never hit that fat, scary ass.

    I, on the other hand, have always stood by her and would tap that ass no matter what!

  19. Mortimer211

    Ummm, what did just happen? Was my comment posted or not? If there’s a delay, please inform me of it so that double posts can be avoided.

    Anyhow, I’m not taking any chances when it comes to dispensing wisdom the equivalent of gold nuggets so here goes again:

    Now that she’s in great shape you all want to tap that ass but where were you when she was 5-10 pounds overweight?

    In these comments, complaining over how you’d never hit that fat, scary ass.

    I, on the other hand, have always stood by her and would tap that ass no matter what!

    Melanie, come back. All is forgiven!

  20. cherry

    #16 you can have a toned, flat stomach without having rippling abs! Its too much.

  21. Mortimer211

    Yeah, there you go – double comments.

    Fish, could you please add a little something to the comment form mentioning the fact that patience is a virtue (or something along those lines?)

    No worries though, twice the wisdom for you AND I got the chance to revise my comment to make it approx. 16% funnier so just focus on the second one and act like the first one was a mistake (like with your kids).

  22. toldyouso

    Remember when The Superficial posted pix of her pregnant and went on and on about what a fat cow she was and the horror of it all and all the posters pretty much jumped on the bandwagon and said how could Eddy Murphy or anyone ever even??? Well this is just her and her abs way of saying F*** You Eddy Murphy, The Superfical, and everyone else. And you wish…….LOSERS!!!

  23. ethan

    pic #2 of her profile is hot!

  24. Turd

    Mortimer – You are a tool.

  25. amazing abs…and amazing grapefruits sewn in for breasts!

  26. hypocrisymuch?

    I just checked your archive on Scary Spice and these were a few of The Superficials previous comments: I’d refuse a DNA test too if it proved I had sex with this thing. I’d rather admit to having sex with my mom or masturbating to Sesame Street. It would be like getting caught having sex with a moose. Making out with a horse would be less shameful. And now you say you’d like to get together? I’m sure she’d like that too–just long enough to to use her thighs of steel like a nutcracker and your head like a walnut!!!

  27. Funeral Guy

    Me likey….I think I’ll go have some alone time.

  28. mikeock

    When did it become hot for a chick to look like a muscular dude …. with tits?

  29. mikeock

    Damn, I bet this broad’s shit comes out in cubes.

  30. cherry

    #26 Are you saying that its breaking news that the superficial writer is a fickle, bitchy, unfunny straight-gay?

  31. cherry

    OK sometimes hes funny. But all the “Ladies?” Mila Kunis obsessing and abs of steel stuff is getting tired.

  32. bunny

    to all the “men” that think this is hot. why not just grab a dude”s ass and stick your cock in it. fuckin’ undercover ass bandits!

  33. Ugly as sin

    ok she has an ugly face and manly abs. What the fuck? That is not what a woman should look like. Nor should men be pumped up and on roids. Plastic tits and funky hair and strange stomach muscles. You would have to be a latent homo to fuck that or very drunk.



  34. Reality check

    haha #32 i completely agree!!

    i don’t care what anybody says, if you’re a man and prefer your women to have rock hard 6 pack abs and to be solid/muscular all over with NO noticeable bounce or jiggle, guess what? you might be a homo. i am looking at YOU common (dating serena williams).

  35. Reality check

    oh and #4, fyi you might be a homo.

    but seriously, guys who train and spend their lives in the gym going apeshit in lust over hard bodied women creep me out. you are wanting the fuck the SAME thing you want to look like yourselves. if that isn’t homoerotic, i don’t know what is.

  36. Reality check

    WHY HASN’T ANYBODY FELT THE NEED TO POINT OUT SCARY SPICE’S MULTIPLE TATTOOS LIKE THEY DO WITH MEGAN OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN? that’s right, cause with megan they are grasping at any lame reason to diss her looks!!

    so funny.

  37. IKE

    I bet that fat chick felt like an idiot later for getting her picture taken with Ms Abs.

    “Wow, you met one of the Spice Girls! Girl, did you put on weight?”

  38. Mister Bored

    For a chick that’s had two kids… that’s amazing.

    Too bad Britney’s white trash self can’t get anywhere near that. Let alone the Octo-mom or that other hick that had 8 children.

  39. Sherry

    R i c h P a s s i o n . C oM–It is never too late to enjoy the wonderful life! Hook up a handsome millionaire or hot and sexy girl for love or for fun right now!! It is free for 1 month, why not try?

  40. chocorobot


  41. Nero

    I bet she follows a protein rich diet.

  42. FACE

    This worthless bitch may be worth all the money that Eddie Murphy is giving up for banging her. Cant front on that body.

  43. FACE

    Those sorry broads in the 7th pic arent doing themselves any favors posing next to Mel. Look at that bad fakes hair (why to black women do that?) and that ugly gut!

  44. Mr. Jones

    A few more years and she’s going to look like that doll in “Trilogy of Terror”.

  45. The Listener

    As long as Melanie keeps her female curves, I’m okay with her really, really well-defined abs.

    I only think it’s unattractive when women go so completely overboard and lose all of their nice curves and shape their bodies like men. That’s just wrong!

  46. HoneyBee

    @ 44 FACE

    Shut up you dumb broad! White women wear fake hair all the time! Watch The Hills? Thats not all LC’s hair, thats not all Stephanie Pratts hair. Its ok for them to do it? Please go crawl under a rock.

  47. JPRichardson

    Perfect body. I would totally buy her fitness secrets. When is the DVD coming out?

    Just to remember what a gross monster she used to be….

  48. high as kites

    My ideal of the perfect female body does NOT involve 6 pack abs that could make a football player cry with envy, sorry #49.

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