I guarantee there are exactly two things Tiger Woods’ people have been working 24/7 to prevent: Someone finding his underground bunker of love children, and the endorsement of Mel Gibson. Good luck on that first one. E! News reports:
“I feel sorry for Tiger Woods,” he tells Britain’s Daily Mail. “Why are we talking about this when we’re sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? You’ve got this history-changing event going on and we’re talking about Tiger’s private life and golf injuries. He’s being used as a diversion and it just drives me crazy.”
OBAMA: So basically you admit to having sex with a whole bunch of white women and that’ll help me nail this Afghanistan thing down.
TIGER: Shh shh shh shh, here comes Mel.
MEL: Hey, guys. Did you see a naked Jew with a spear run by here?
MEL: Damn. — Whatcha talking about?
TIGER: USE THE KNOCKOUT GAS!