Mel Gibson Will Straighten Lindsay Lohan Out
“I’m sorry. Ya said your last name’s Goldstein?”
While attending the Mending Kids charity poker benefit over the weekend, Mel Gibson apparently told Extra that he plans to “reach out” to Lindsay Lohan which is awesome news if you enjoyed the outcome of the last person he attempted to rehabilitate. That said, I can’t help but feel this is more than battling addiction. Think about it:
Lindsay Lohan blows people as a survival mechanism. Mel Gibson needs to get blown or he commits arson.
Lindsay Lohan blames everyone else for her problems. Mel Gibson blames Jews.
Lindsay Lohan’s genitals produce fire. Mel Gibson needs fire to get blowjays so he doesn’t make more fire.
It’s a match made in heaven. Also, since it’s true Lindsay Lohan can blow a man so hard he goes insane, maybe she can blow a man so hard he goes.. sane? “Phew, whoa, wow, that was amazing. I don’t even know why I’m parked outside this synagogue holding a bazooka anymore. Let’s go tell these people we believe them about the Holocaust, whadda ya say?”