Mel Gibson Facing Domestic Violence Charges

“So I says to her, I says, ‘Perhaps you might blow me,’ and she turns around and slaps me with domestic violence charges, Jesus. I mean, how does that work? You gotta help old Mel outta this jam, buddy. This is the last one. I promise.”

Despite the fact it’s pretty much a given Oksana Grigorieva will make up anything to bleed more child support out of Mel Gibson, authorities are still looking to charge him with domestic violence/corporal injury. Then again, that might have a lot to do with him admitting he slapped her. I’m not a lawyer. RadarOnline reports:

The Los Angeles District Attorney granted Gibson’s high-powered criminal lawyer Blair Berk a last-ditch meeting late Tuesday afternoon, as she she sought to persuade authorities not to charge the actor. Deputy District Attorney John Lynch met with Berk at the Airport Courthouse for close to two hours.
However, law enforcement sources connected to the case told, before the meeting, that it was almost inevitable that Gibson, 55, would be charged. A charge of domestic violence/corporal injury involving a former cohabitant is looming for the Oscar-winning actor/director, sources said.
It can be prosecuted as a felony or misdemeanor. If convicted of a felony, the Lethal Weapon star could face up to four years in state prison; if convicted of a misdemeanor, he could face up to one year in county jail.

Before this gets any worse, I think it’s time for Mel Gibson to swallow his pride and finally make a deal with a government. They’ll drop the charges and he’ll confess Oksana was a KGB operative who duped him the entire time. Her mission? Use a complex system of refusing fellatio to convince him to direct a sequel to The Passion of the Christ where Jesus walks around spreading anti-capitalist propaganda. I’m talking belittling the rich and telling people to give all their money to the poor. Pure Commie shit, and that’s why Mel had to punch her. They’ll probably give him a medal.