Mel Gibson Admits ‘Slapping’ Oksana

November 15th, 2010 // 65 Comments
Mel Gibson

“Haha. Funny story, you guys…”

In a sworn declaration, Mel Gibson admits to “slapping” Oksana Grigorieva because she was allegedly acting hysterical while holding their infant daughter Lucia. He denies “punching” her which, naturally, contradicts her version of events. TMZ has obtained each of their declarations, so I’ve posted both Mel and Oksana’s accounts (after the jump) for you guys to decide after I force my own opinion on you, most likely in the form of a penis joke:

Prince Mel, Slapper Savior of Children:

According to his declaration, dated June 23, 2010 and filed with the court, Mel says he and Oksana were having one of their frequent arguments at his Malibu home, when Oksana grabbed Lucia out her of bassinet, brought her right in the middle of the argument and screamed, “Stop yelling or you will make her into a retarded brain damaged idiot!”
Mel says Oksana then “spun around,” ran into her older son’s room and then out into the backyard. Mel says the yard is dangerous at night, set on different levels and dimly lit. Mel says Oksana ran across the various levels for about 75 yards, near thorny trees.
Mel says he implored Oksana to bring Lucia back inside, and that’s when Oksana ran back into her older son’s room, and “started swinging Lucia erratically in her arms, jerking her body from side to side to keep Lucia out of my reach.”
Mel adds Oksana was “hysterical” and her “rapid movements were causing Lucia’s little body to be flung from one side to the other, her head shaking violently.” Mel says he feared Shaken Baby Syndrome.
As she refused to hand the baby over and continued with “rough and erratic movements,” Mel says, “I slapped Oksana one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality. I did not slap her hard, I was just trying to shock her so that she would stop screaming, continuing shaking Lucia back and forth.”

Blowjay-Deprived Bruce Banner:

Oksana claims in a fit of jealousy, Mel called her a “whore,” “C**t” and a “f**king C**t” as he stormed around his Malibu house. Oksana says she tried to leave the house, when Mel “raised his hand and took a closed fist punch to my mouth. He then punched me on the left side of my head, near the temple area. The force of [Mel's] punches threw me and LUCIA back on the bed. As LUCIA and I laid on the bed … [Mel] with his two hands tried to strangle me, and proceeded to choke me with his right forearm to my neck.”
Oksana claims Mel’s “second fist blow that went across my face also glanced across LUCIA’s chin, and there was blood on both of us.”
Oksana then claims Mel threatened her with a gun, as we’ve previously reported.
But Oksana alleges other abusive behavior at other times — claiming Mel would call her a “Gold digger,” “Weak c**t,” “F**king bitch,” “Ingrate bitch” and “whore.”
She claims in November, 2009, Mel was “literally frothing at the mouth and his saliva got all over my face,” one time slamming a chair against a glass door and breaking it.
On another occasion, Oksana claims Mel “started chest butting me into a corner, all while I was still holding LUCIA.” She also alleges Mel would push her.

While both stories offer hyper-exaggerated, self-serving accounts ranging from Mel the hero to Mel the salivating killing machine, there’s one undeniable constant throughout both of them: Mel hit Oksana while she was holding the baby. Apparently, his legal team is going to argue he struck Oksana “in defense of a family member,” but how the hell does punching – I’m sorry, “slapping.” – a woman who’s the only one keeping a child from falling to the ground protect it? That’s some questionable logic, to say the least. Even if Oksana was shaking Lucia, I’m going to assume that’s still better than a four foot drop. Then again, I wouldn’t put it past Mel’s lawyers to argue angels appear every time their client strikes his enemies, so clearly, they would’ve flown the child to safety.

LAWYER: Trust us. It’s this thing he does, your honor, but unfortunately, our client won’t be able to demonstrate it for the court because tell ‘em, Mel.
MEL: Too many Jews in here.
LAWYER: Too many Jews in here. — Wait, that wasn’t…
MEL: I cannot tell a lie!

superficial

  1. fester

    Oksana asked Mel to slip her 9 inches and hurt her, so he fucked her three times and then punched her in the mouth.

  2. JesseJimmy

    Don’t make Riggs smack a bitch.

  3. the thing is

    HEY FISH, you forgot one other constant in these two stories: SHE USED THE BABY AS A SHIELD EVERYTIME THEY ARGUED. And there was a rumor some months back about people seeing her runnign with the kid in her hand looking like a crazy woman. This just confirms it. How you can take her side beyond me. But that’s how liberals think, I guess.

    • hmm

      How can you take the side of a guy who choke holds his wife? Runs out on seven kids and his first wife? Acts like a bigot against black and Jewish people?

      It’s not a liberal thing to loathe this loser.

  4. Cock Dr

    Keep that nutcase away from the child.
    Because unless he’s got a new girlfriend on the down low or is back to sleeping with his wife Mel hasn’t had any in a long time.
    That makes Mel very angry.

  5. I’m getting too old for this shit.

  6. Mel always struck me as an ” I slap with my fists” kind of guy…

  7. “Sometimes you just have to put your pimp hand down…or so says the ghost of Ike Turner who now possesses me…Oh Yeah,,,,and Praise Yahweh”

  8. Mel Gibson is my fucking hero. But then slapping gold digging russian whores gives me a boner I could pound nails with.

  9. Facebook me

    No one cares about either one of these asshats!

    Just FUCK (again) and get it over with!

  10. Steelerchick

    Sounds like they both don’t deserve Lucia!!

    • F the stoolers

      AAAHHHahahahaha they sucked out loud last night…maybe ben should resume raping comatose-drunk college chicks – his game is off…

  11. Baby Lucia has some pretty awesome genetics.

    Expect WWIII to start up in 40 years thanks to Lucia Hitler’s crazy antics.

  12. Sharkbait

    Thanks fish, because of this post I finally know why I am a retarded brain damaged idiot.

  13. mike

    What does Mel tell Oksana when she has two black eyes Nothing because he already told her twice

  14. JD

    I think we can all agree that smacking the living shit out of Oksana is the only reasonable course of action at this point.

  15. Is mel turning oompaloompa now too? If anyone needs to be smacked around its the motherfucker who invented orange makeup

  16. Cardinal Fang

    What woman couldn’t use a good smack across the face now and then. Open hand of course.

    • seriously they’re like dogs. a couple smacks and the loyalty comes right back

      • homosapiens

        Ha! so true man. Then they chew up your shoes and slobber all over you and drag their butts on the floor. Then you gotta take them for a walk and clean up all the poopies or you get another frickin’ ticket from that fat bitch cop. And, man, it’s an f’ing riot when they stick their heads in people’s crotches at the front door or when they start humping pillows or licking themselves when you’ve got company over. Your’e all like “uhhh, errr, don’t mind her, haven’t gotten her spayed yet.” Yeah, women are totally like dogs.

      • macfeely smackup

        Fuck you.

    • hmm

      Lorena Bobbit.

      That’s all I have to say, guys.

    • Aussie Mama

      slap on the butt yeah baby, especially while doing the deed, a donkey punch or face slap noooooo!

  17. Trillian

    Nothing like a good Catholic man to decide that a woman is ‘hysterical”. Perhaps he wasn’t aware that the old doctor’s remedy for curing hysteria was a vaginal massage and the reason the vibrator was invented. Seems Mel wasn’t man or machine enough for Oksana.

    • Zaphod

      uh whoooooaaa. Someone woke up on the wrong side of her intergalactic hibernation vessel. Mel just had to call it like it is, sugar, now stop being so opinionated.

  18. Aussie Mama

    Trillian; hahahahahahahaha, ripper!
    But really, just for the hell of it; curing hysteria, that’s why hysterectomies were 1st done! Serious. Doctors thought, by removing the womans ORGANS! they would be less hysterical. That was the frickin’ reason for it.
    And on Oksana. Fair call, if that’s what happened, it’s hardly battery. Running around like a frill neck lizard, screaming at the top of your lungs, with babe in arms, is scarier any day.
    Doctors slapped babies as soon as they were born, that wasn’t looked at as abuse.
    I would have beaten the fuckin’ shit out of her. So really she got off lightly.

    • God, you’re a fucking idiot; you have it utterly ass backwards. The first hysterectomies were performed around 245 AD to remove prolapsed and gangrenous organs – since the Greek for uterus is “hystera” that’s where we get hysterectomy, not because the procedure was developed to remove hysterical symptoms. Since surgeons in the 18th century had a mortality rate of about 90% for the procedure I can assure you that no one was advocating hoicking wombs out of people to “cure” hysteria at that time. It was only after the development of anesthesia and sterile conditions in the 19th C that the technique became perfected. Only then did many doctors think it’d be a quick fix to banish those pesky female megrims — but the first “modern” hysterectomy in the US was for real cause, to remove a cancerous uterus.

      And, FYI, Hippocrates, who theorized only women had the symptoms because the uterus became light and moved about the body, recommended pregnancy as a cure. The ever-popular “pelvic massage” came later.

      As for the rest of your “logic” – you’re still a moron. Doctors don’t – or didn’t – slap babies because they’re hysterical, either. Prior to the natural childbirth movement in the 1950′s women delivered while in “twilight sleep” – so naturally the newborns were sedated to the eyeballs and not inclined to breath on their own without some sort of stimulus.
      So no hanging the kid upside down and smacking their ass nowadays – it’s just not needed.

      Although any newborn kid of yours, seeing who he got stuck with for a mother, would be excused for bitchslapping the doctor.

      • Amy

        Thank you justifiable. Somebody needed to shut the retard up.

      • Welcome, Amy. And as much as the resident loon would like to rewrite the law to accomodate Mel’s crazytrain, slapping someone IS battery. While assault actually requires a reasonable threat (like pointing a loaded gun), all that’s required for a charge of battery is physical contact. So she claims assault and battery, Mr. Rational admits to just battery – uh, while she was holding their child. Look, I can guarandamntee you a baby who was just awakened by her screaming parents and is being held right in the middle of a grudge match is going to be doing most of the screaming – and they should both be ashamed about subjecting her to that.
        So what the fuck is wrong with him that if she’s that out of control and hysterical, he can’t see that disengaging and leaving is the best way to cool things down?
        And what the fuck is wrong with her that she puts a child in the middle of a fight with a man she knows is abusive and out of control?

        Seriously, fuck them both.

      • Johnny Cage

        I think Aussie was just making an anecdotal carry on of a joke you assholes. Great Caesar’s ghost you guys, stop taking stuff so personal.

      • LogicNinja

        It was also believed that smacking the baby would shock it, and cause it to take a quick breath of surprise, because without that shock, it was believed, weak babies would not have the strength or wits to simply breathe.

        But yeah, justified, thank fuck for people like you. Ignorance is a disease.

      • Aussie Mama

        amy, amy, such nastiness coming from gal with such a sweet name.
        frankie says relax…

  19. JC, if I really wanted to make you pay for calling us assholes I’d tie you to a chair and make you choose between electrodes on your nutsack or reading the shitalanche of inane, uninformed and outright idiotic conspiracy/fantasy comments from AM that come with every new Mel thread. Believe me, after about 5 of ‘em you’d be begging me to make it all go away and crank that DieHard to maximum voltage.

    Even the Fish thinks she may be Evi Quaid, so really – shut your cake hole since you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

    • Johnny Cage

      Too Long; Didn’t read: Somebody punched you in the vagina so now your mad at the world.

      • Not at all, just annoyed at clueless idiots like you who can’t read their way through 3 sentences without whining about how hard it is, who come up with meaningless phrases like “anecdotal carry on of a joke” and can’t tell “your” from “you’re.” Other than that, it’s all good.

      • Johnny Cage

        The angry fat lesbian justifiable is also a grammar nazi as well. Speaking of meaningless phrases wasn’t it you who mentioned stuff about electrocuting my balls? I mean can’t I just do something like give you a pearl necklace instead?

      • *yawn* Not even close but thanks for being brain-numbingly, boringly predictable – and also for proving my point that reading comprehension is not something you’re even vaguely capable of. Seriously, do you put “fuckwit” right out there on your resume, or do you just let the shift bosses at Burger King discover it for themselves?

      • Johnny Cage

        Lol, Predictable? Says Mrs. I’m gonna do a half assed pseudo intellectual counter displaying my disgruntled estrogen release.

        Justifiable you’re easier to troll than a 6 year old kid playing video games. I was feeling bad but you made my day brighter. Yeah, hiking on you may be like punching an old woman with glasses, but hey…she probably deserved it right?

      • gyromancer

        LOL Johnny Cage, you remind me of my cat, Mr. Puffins. When he jumps for something and misses or rolls off the sofa in his sleep, he tries to look like he did it on purpose. No one buys it but that doesn’t stop him from trying to sell it.

      • Johnny Cage

        How about that fat angry lesbos travel in groups :D

        In all honesty Gyromancer I’m more like the Doberman that humps your leg right before he shits on your doorstep. You try to play it off as the “dogs will be dogs” scenario, but in the end you’re the one shoveling my shit and going to cleaners for the sperm content I left on your legs.

      • Delusional to the last, eh? In actuality you’re more like a yappy, whiny little dog who wants attention so he scoots his shitcaked, hemorrhoidal ass across the carpet. He thinks the attention he gets is because he’s just displayed something profound – but in reality it’s just a big long shitstain.

      • Johnny Cage

        Shit this is my favorite thread now. I got multiple bitches bawwing as if the Jonas Brothers got nude on radio disney. You made it real easy. I want to roughly anally penetrate Justifiable. You look like you would give a good hate fuck. You know like that scene in Basic Instinct.

        But anyway, everyone else shouldn’t get so bent out of shape that a mail order bride whore is soon to get her end of the boot. Oksana to me is an example of Feminazism at it’s peak. Men might be the stronger vessel but women have the laws and courts on their side. After all Pussy is easy to give out. (And Doc if you’re listening, before you go “your mother” on me, take notes. You can be a rent-a-twat too.)

      • Johnny Cage

        Justifiable,

        Not really in actuality I’m more like the trashy truck driver who can take a piss and chug a bottle of red eye at the same time. You are more like the woman who loves me, but has that hate/love thing going. However me being the slob, as long as I get my s-e-x on with you I just kick you out of bed and go drink some more beer. Yet, It’s a behavioral trait you can’t get enough of.

        Remember, women love jerks.

    • Aussie Mama

      you need to seriously chillax a little….
      so far i have been a man? mel gibson himself? n now evi quaid?
      whatever, takes you fancy at the time.
      electrodes on the nutsack…..noice luf!
      you really do know how to party.

      • Johnny Cage

        The thing is, if I knew Justy was serious I would totally go for the ballsack electrocution thing. I’m from New Jersey so I’m extremely trashy and I think kinky chicks totally rock. This is probably the reason I chase after European broads so much.

      • Aussie Mama

        god…you can say no wrong!!! love it, love!

  20. wim

    he’s a bit of a freak.
    ………….BUT DO NOT FORGET ABOUT HER, folks!!!!!!!!!

    • Aussie Mama

      Jeez guys, I WAS KIDDING! (Thank you Cage man!)
      So much humour and BS here, yet I get taken word, for word seriously?
      What’s that about angry fuckin’ pants?
      Common lighten up, all those anti-depressants are making you fucking paranoid!
      I’m sure the laughable psychiatrists can make a new illness/name up for that one”jumping the gun syndrome”, can’t take a joke synrome” and bring out yet another fucking big pharma pill that does nothing, but 50% of the gullible population must be put on!
      Watch that medication though, it eventually turns the emotionless walking zombie into a killer, or suicide, just waiting to go off like a 4th of July cracker baby! over something unimportant, like losing the remote control.
      have a wank, or have a decent root and YOU WILL FEEL BETTER!
      clears the head, makes you happy, without the pills guys!

  21. Barney Frank

    Maybe his wife had it coming? Oh well he made a movie about Jesus so he is fair game for media assassination I guess.

  22. Aussie Mama

    this is why i come here, lotsa fun.
    while we’re at it, tell yer mothers TO NEVER HAVE MAMMORGAMS, they induce breast cancer. Concentrated radiation, year after year, to the breast tissue, will do it 100%. Breast cancer has increased thousands fold since the introduction of these machines.
    hahahahahahahaha, now discuss, oh and take 100% as you like, seriously, or not!!!!
    and justifiable; i don’t have spellcheck on when i type a hundred mile an hour here, don’t even proof read. when i write for the mag, I DO WRITE FOR and get paid 40c a word, then it’s all perfecto ok. here it’s just for shits n giggles k luv muffin!

  23. Trolling

    Bitch had it coming… just like Jesus.

    You rock on Mad Mel…

    btw, this is a troll post… pls reply.

  24. Aussie Mama

    Yeeha trolling, i agrees wicha!

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