Megyn Kelly Drove The Duggars PR Machine Into Bullshit Station

“So you see, Megyn, if I have the questions beforehand, I can have carefully rehearsed answers ready to go – which you won’t follow up, of course – allowing me to keep some of my family on TV and still make lots of money while judging others for how they live their lives and remaining in complete denial of how hypocritical that looks. Does that sound good to you?”
“I’m in!”

Megyn Kelly’s interview with the Duggars aired last night, and because I hate myself, I watched the whole thing. And if you haven’t seen by now, it was a crazy-eyed, clown car vagina full of excuses for Josh Duggar’s behavior with deafening disregard to what happened to his sisters until it was time to use them as a stick to beat the media with. The evil, evil media. Who the Duggars just got in bed with to have their side of the story ladled into the mouths of the elderly and evangelical Christians – who lapped that shit right up – along with an exclusive Friday night interview with Jill and Jessa who’ve outed themselves as victims. But not really victims! Unless it’s to attack the media, then yes, totally victims. So let’s plunder this slimy Jesus cannon.

Megyn Kelly Did Ask The Hard Questions

To Megyn Kelly’s credit – and her word – she legitimately asked the Duggars some tough questions. But also to her word, she didn’t cross-examine the Duggars and let them spout a bunch of Christian gobbedly-gook about forgiveness and repeated use of the word “safeguards” without questioning what exactly those safeguards were which the Duggars inadvertently revealed several times didn’t work for shit. For example, Megyn Kelly actually took Michelle Duggar to task for saying transgendered women would molest children in restrooms and tried to get her to admit that’s pretty hypocritical in light of Josh’s actions. Instead, Michelle’s crazy-eyes doubled down and said that’s still a threat while Jim Bob – who conveniently had lots of legal definitions ready to go like “parents aren’t mandatory reporters” – pointed out that you can’t be technically declared a pedophile until you’re 16 and Josh was only 15. To which Jim Bob added, and I’m paraphrasing, “What Josh did was inexcusable, but it’s not unforgivable.” So molesting your little sisters? Jesus gets it. Being transgendered or gay? EAT HELL-DICK, SINNER! I would’ve genuinely been impressed had the Duggars said, “You know what? Maybe we need to rethink some of our messaging,” but instead they went, “Well, of course, transgenders are still pedophiles. That’s just common sense.”

Megyn Kelly also tried to get Jim Bob Duggar to show any type of remorse for what happened to his daughters under his watch, and possibly because he didn’t do enough sooner, but he would consistently deflect the question because the agenda here – And the Duggars hate agendas unless it’s their own. – is to downplay the severity of Josh’s actions at the expense of his sisters. And you can’t do that if you start feeling sorry for the girls (in this instance). So repeatedly we heard that most of the “inappropriate touching” was above the clothes – except for that few times with slight penetration for “a couple of seconds” – and the girls were asleep most of the time – except, okay, those other times they weren’t – and barely even knew what happened, so were they really traumatized former attorney, Megyn Kelly? Which is literally the stance the Duggars repeatedly took not realizing that they basically advocated raping someone in their sleep – It’s not rape, if they don’t know! – and also inadvertently highlighted how young the girls are because they were not teens with Devilish bosoms, but 5, 10, and maybe 12, so of course they had no idea what was happening to them. And Megyn Kelly let them say all of this shit! In fact, she’d later lock arms with them, and join their battle against the media.

Jim Bob Is Above The Law

When asked why the Duggars didn’t turn Josh into the authorities, or take him to a licensed therapist, Jim Bob said he spoke to a man who worked at a juvenile sex offender center who told them the rate of success is not very high. Which should’ve sent off a warning flag that Josh has a mental inclination to touch kids that needs to be professionally and diligently managed, but when you’re the Holy Baby Batter Splatterer of the House, you see that as proof that man’s way aren’t better than God’s and take your son to a “Christian counselor” instead who makes him build a house. Which we’re to believe cured Josh right up along with the stern talking to from the state trooper who was arrested for child porn that the Duggars swear they never met before. They had never seen that disgusting pervert before in their lives, but boy howdy, did he put the fear in God in Josh and he never touched another child again.

Dear Sweet, Tender-Hearted Josh

While the Duggars couldn’t once bring themselves to acknowledge their daughters were the victims of sexual abuse, they couldn’t trip over themselves enough to talk about how tender-hearted Josh’s conscience was, and that they found hope that he came running crying and confessing to them – of his own accord! – the first time he molested his sisters. (Church members have maintained that Josh confessed to the congregation that he was caught by another sister.) And he must’ve been even sweeter, and even more tender-hearted when he confessed again and again to running around the house groping his little sisters showing clear indications of a pattern that wasn’t going to stop. “He’s just very, very sorry,” Michelle Duggar literally bawled into the camera, not even five minutes after saying, “Oh, the girls were just fine. They barely even knew! Gosh shucks.”

The Media Is The Real Molester Here

At the very top of the show, Megyn Kelly made it a point to call the Josh Duggar police report, obtained by In Touch through a Freedom of Information Act request, an “illegally leaked sealed document” which was the narrative that drove the rest of the interview. Up until this point, the Duggars couldn’t give less fucks about what happened to their daughters, but now all of a sudden, they were being egregiously targeted by the media which is wrong because don’t they know these poor girls were victims? YOU JUST SPENT THE PAST 45 MINUTES SAYING THEY WERE FINE AND DOWNPLAYED THEIR MOLESTATION. In fact, Michelle Duggar literally said these words out loud:

“[The girls] have been more victimized by the past few weeks than they were twelve years ago.”

The media touched your daughters’ breasts and vaginas in their sleep? HOLY SHIT. Meanwhile, Jim Bob hopes their family can be an “advocate for juvenile records” because that’s the real crime here. People learning that a hypocritical, politically connected, family values preaching cult can circumvent the law and cover up an in-home offender, and not that a hypocritical, politically connected, family values preaching cult covered up an in-home offender. Because Jesus forgives, you guys, so it’s okay, and actually an inspiration to others. Which the Duggars also said because according to them, this happens all the time to other families. Like so much, it’s really NBD. And where was Megyn Kelly during all of this? Smiling and nodding and going, “This must be so hard for you,” and being visibly pleased that she could help the Duggars play the Christian persecution card by deflecting all of this to how everybody found out their son molested children and not what everybody found out which was their son molested children. Because it makes it really hard for the Duggars to make TV bank to feed their small army and preach against the gays when their son is an incestuous goose monster who’s probably touched more kids that we’ll eventually find out about, and then be told we shouldn’t have found out about it because Jesus took care of it. Trust me, Jim Bob spoke to Him on the phone, and Jesus was like, “Dude, I got this.” What more do you people want?

Photo: Getty