What Does Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s Engagement Mean?

Before going further, let me say that I know very little about how the British royal family works in 2017. I know that the U.K. is still technically a constitutional monarchy, but Queen Elizabeth doesn’t really do anything but wave at people from her balcony, dish out awards/knight people, and crap all over her grandson Harry for getting engaged with that ghastly American actress named Meghan Markle.

Since I’m stupid, can someone please explain something to me — now that she’s going to be a princess does that mean she has power over the people? I know that their government is controlled by the British Parliament, but the royal family still has like, knights and shit they can raid villages with, right? Back in the old days when you pissed off royalty, they would sack your village and burn/rape everything in the name of God. Will Meghan take on these powers? Will she be able to exact her vengeance on whoever told her that quitting Suits was a bad idea? Hopefully this power was her true motivation and not just so that she could give up her acting career to be a baby factory who can’t take a dump without British tabloids reporting on it.

For a while people were skeptical that Prince Harry would actually marry Meghan Markle because she was born a common American and that would taint the British royal pedigree or something, which you have to admit is a pretty racist tradition. They eventually found out that Meghan actually did have some British heritage, but it was a reach all the way back to the fourteenth century. So they’re kind of related (then again, aren’t we all?).

A lot of women will admit that when they were younger they used to dream of running off with a Prince and living happily ever after. Considering how far feminism has come in recent years, the idea of teaching little girls to just wait for a guy to come along that will be able to buy everything and hook you up with a castle is probably not as popular as say… I don’t know… being independent and in control of your world. Meghan kind of had that, but is now giving it all up to be a bazillion times more famous than she would have ever been if she stuck around that TV show on USA. Let’s be real… nobody watches USA, this is an upgrade.

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