Megan Fox Is Crazier Than Any of Us Realized

January 15th, 2013 // 85 Comments
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Megan Fox is the cover interview for the February issue of Esquire and, holy shit, is this thing a piece of work. Turns out when she’s not burdened with the arduous task of using her looks to make millions of dollars, Megan Fox spends most of her days preparing for the biblical End Times which she believes the Internet is a sign of. (Then again, maybe.) She’s also a regular churchgoer, but thanks to being famous, she has to restrain herself from speaking in the secret language of Heaven, so naturally, the interview starts with her agreeing her life is just like being an Aztec human sacrifice. No, really, you have to read this thing. Unless you’re a sucker who’s actually doing his/her job, in which case, some highlights:

On the End Times:
“I’ve read the Book of Revelation a million times. … It does not make sense, obviously. It needs to be decoded. What is the dragon? What is the prostitute? What are these things? What is this imagery? What was John seeing? And I was just thinking, What is the Antichrist? … When war breaks out in the Holy Land, like it is right now, if that is a sign of the immediate end times, then where are the other signs? Is it possible that it’s the Internet or fame itself or celebrity?”

On how, surprise, she’s been a crazy Pentacostal Christian this whole time:
“I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I’ve seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I’d have to shut it off because I don’t know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back. It feels like a lot of energy coming through the top of your head — I’m going to sound like such a lunatic — and then your whole body is filled with this electric current. And you just start speaking, but you’re not thinking because you have no idea what you’re saying. Words are coming out of your mouth, and you can’t control it. The idea is that it’s a language that only God understands. It’s the language that’s spoken in heaven.”

But don’t worry she believes a lot of other insane shit, too:
“I feel like there’s stuff literally buried there and buried where the Maya were,” she says. Ancient aliens who gave rise to ancient civilizations on earth. “I would like to uncover the secrets of the universe. In my fantasy. … I believe in all of this stuff. I believe in all of it…. I like believing. I believe in all of these Irish myths, like leprechauns. Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people’s imaginations…”

So for the record, Megan Fox is a speaking-in-tongues, End Times-believing Christian who also thinks aliens helped build civilization and leprechauns were real once. Apparently the only thing she doesn’t believe in is Hell because that’s where she’s going based on her belief system. Unless, of course, Jesus is a huge Ancient Aliens fan. “Dude, I’m not like saying saying my dad didn’t make everything. I’m just saying, what if he didn’t? Now, where’d that box of Lucky Charms go? Shit was right here…”

Photo: Esquire

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  1. Mike Walker

    She needs to head down to Mobile!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

    “Everybody who see’d the leprechaun say yeaahh!”

  2. “And you just start speaking, but you’re not thinking because you have no idea what you’re saying. Words are coming out of your mouth, and you can’t control it. ”

    Uh-huh. That’s Tourette’s, sweety.

  3. pascalecake

    You know what was totally insulting? Megan Fox being included in Vanity Fair’s “Comedy” issue, guest-edited by Judd Apatow. Now clearly she was only included because she’s in “This is 40″ — but christ, what a slap in the face to the real comedians being celebrated in the issue…

  4. Matt

    Why is the “fish” and the commenters are the ones that always end up sounding crazier than the supposedly crazy person the article is about?

  5. This looks more like a cover shot for Mentally Handicapped Monthly.

  6. Bob

    I’m beginning to see what an easy time Brian Austin Green had in talking her into touching his boy parts.

  7. #1jerk

    This article and the comments is dripping with religious intolerance and I’m agnostic, you people are bigots

  8. Elf

    My God! What a stupid id…hey, wait! Hasn’t she a full life sized R2D2 in her house? All is forgiven, Megan!

  9. mike

    Isn’t this the norm, when an attractive woman starts to lose her looks, she start to become more spiritual and ultra conservative.
    The next thing you know, she is not doing you like back in the days when you were dating.

  10. Tinka

    You almost fooled me to watch Gangnam Style. Nice try, but no.

  11. josh

    I just think its kind of funny that now she comes out talking about all this stuff. You can tell she’s trying a bit hard to sound intelligent and this is the reason why.All celebrities even the so-called intellects need to learn when to stifle themselves.If she had actually done her homework this would make more sense .
    There is a good amount of evidence supporting the fact that E.T’s interacted with past civilization’s .There’s evidence that they’ve been here before .Also the fact that we have dna that’s origins cant be explained.As well as the fact that they say we came from apes but. They continue to discover new species of apes which doesnt make sense .If we are the end product of that particular species evolution.
    All this aside celebrities need to learn when to bite their tongue and .Realize that not every little thing that comes to mind should be expressed.

  12. Shadow

    Soon, she’ll ‘suffer a breakdown’ like Charlie Sheen, Britney, Lohan, Amanda Bynes, and so many others. Usually any celebrity who challenges the status quo ends up labeled crazy and in some cases, under a conservatorship, and then… end up like Tupac, Michael Jackson, and so many others…THIS is the True Face of Hollywood, people. Play the game, no matter waht that game is, and you are Heralded. Challenge the status quo, and you are vilified and discredited, or worse.

  13. Maya

    Or maybe the writer of this article is crazy for making fun of other people’s beliefs…. I don’t recall Megan ever bashing what other people believe, so why is it acceptable to call her crazy just because she has a radically different opinion than yours?

  14. guest

    brian austin green has really downgraded-from beautiful vanessa marcil to this big nose, big forehead stupid bitch. what the hell.

  15. guest

    brian austin green has really downgraded-from beautiful vanessa marcil to this big nose, big forehead, loud, stupid bitch. what the hell.

  16. Megan Fox Esquire
    guest
    Commented on this photo:

    brian austin green has really downgraded-from beautiful vanessa marcil to this big nose, big forehead, loud, stupid bitch. what the hell.

  17. Oh goodie, the Tori Amos school of thought. I believe in faeries and leprechauns, aren’t I so weird and quirky and original tee hee!

    Fuck off.

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