Megan Fox Secretly Shat Out A Baby

October 17th, 2012 // 33 Comments
Masters of Stealth
Megan Fox Pregnant Hiding Behind Umbrella Brian Austin Green
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“Soo.. you’re getting a C-section, right?”
“Haha, oh, stop.”
“No, seriously.”

Hey, remember Megan Fox? Well, don’t feel bad because she already knows you forgot which is why she decided to announce today that she had a baby three weeks ago without anyone noticing or giving of the fucks because, why? Why would you do this to yourself?! *caresses Transformers DVD* Via Facebook:

We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do. I gave birth to our son Noah Shannon Green on September 27th. He is healthy, happy, and perfect.
We are humbled to have the opportunity to call ourselves the parents of this beautiful soul and I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to know this kind of boundless, immaculate love.
Thanks to those of you who wish to send your positive energy and well wishes. May God bless you and your families abundantly.

Granted, the boy’s last name is Green, a good way for Brian Austin Green to know for certain if the child is really his is to carry it around naked and see if butterflies land on its penis. Which I swear isn’t some elaborate scheme to get him arrested as a pedophile, but since you asked, you ruined the surprise at the end so now I have to buy them a fucking Bjorn instead. God, you piss me off, you know that?



  1. bbiowa

    Wonder if he has mom’s stubbly thumbs. Bit of a sucking deficit, there.

    • Buddy The Elf

      The ToeFinger.

      • mrsmass

        i’m stubby-thumbs downing this shit because i have clubbed thumbs and i prefer the term “murderer’s thumb” over “toe thumb.”

      • “Murderer’s thumb”?! That’s awesome! But why? Is it because the thumb of a murderer has been stitched on and has taken control of the hand? That would be cool.

    • Randal

      I just wanted to take a quick stop here @ The Fish to give my regards to the new mother – Megan Fox! Congratulations, beautiful!

      Megan has been a starlight since putting Transformers on the map, raking in millions for Michael Bay, a nobody film producer before the series. With the release of Transformers 4 in 2014, and no Megan Fox in the picture, it’s expected to bomb even more so than Transformers 3 did. Without Megan, the series has become a flop.


      • Troll's Nighmare

        I hate Bay too but facts are facts. Transformers 3 grossed 1.1 Billion against a 200 mil budget. That’s more than Transformers 2. And without Megan Fox! Bay’s successes before Transformers include Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon. Critically he’s crap but Hollywood runs on money not critical acclaim. While Fox got fired for ripping on her boss who gave her her big break. (I’ll go now and hit myself in the balls in shame.)

  2. Whoopee. Another perfect baby in Hollywood. Someone hang a pinata.

  3. Dick Hell

    If it’s time for baby’s first tattoo you simply can’t go wrong with a Transformer. Kids absolutely love that shit.

  4. She should totally hook up with Jessica Simpson and the two of them can work off the 200 lbs. they both gained during their pregnancy. It would be cool.

    • El Jefe

      Out of the 200, 190 would be Jessica’s so Megan would be done in a week and Jessica in about 10 years.

  5. Megan Fox. Huge Milk Duds.Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies. Such are the things of which dreams are made…

  6. Rico Jones

    And I not so secretly don’t give a shit.

  7. effin A

    She mentions being grateful to God, and no venomous atheist rant? I conclude she must be an Obama supporter, or fish would’ve let loose with both barrels on that one.

  8. Jay

    So she didn’t die in afterbirth? That sucks. We lost so many great people, but we have this crack whore stinking up our planet. Irrelevant whore who made fun of a top-class director. It’s over!

  9. Newborn parents are so fucking annoying. Congratulations, now STFU. Your baby ain’t no different than anybody else’s.

    • Trek Girl

      Seriously? They waited months to say that she was pregnant; they put out a few photos, but hid her stomach in most other photos; they waited weeks to announce that she has given birth, and they announced it on Facebook to boot. Compared to celebrities and even some regular people they have practically been mute.

    • Joaquin ingles

      I’m with Zaloog. And FB is the worst. “Look- [pretentious derivative name] is taking a nap.” “Here he’s looking at mommy.” “Isn’t that the cutest pile of yellow feces you’ve ever seen?”

  10. JC

    Big props to them for giving the baby a normal, human name. It’s kind of sad that’s an accomplishment these days, but there you go.

    • Trek Girl

      The names that seem weird now, especially the celebrity ones, are actually run of the mill and almost traditional when you take a look at names in just the past 100 to 200 years. Actually, you don’t even have to go back that far.

      • yes, because Apple is completely normal.

      • Trek Girl

        Apple was a common name in ancient times – seriously. It may not be normal, but it has been around for a long time. There’s no harm in using names from long ago, just as there isn’t a problem using newer names. Besides, there are a million Jacks, Ashleys, Brittanys, Mikes, Adams and so on. What, really, is the harm in having a child named Apple, especially if the name suits the child? In most cases, none.

  11. Alexis Marlons

    Megan is one hot momma!

  12. Hawk

    Great. Now we get to read articles about her telling us what an amazingly cool mom she is.

  13. anonym


    no one gave a shit, no one paid a million bucks for her baby photos.

    or maybe, the baby was just too ugly, kind of like Demi and Bruce Willis’ daughters.

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