Megan Fox Secretly Shat Out A Baby

“Soo.. you’re getting a C-section, right?”
“Haha, oh, stop.”
“No, seriously.”

Hey, remember Megan Fox? Well, don’t feel bad because she already knows you forgot which is why she decided to announce today that she had a baby three weeks ago without anyone noticing or giving of the fucks because, why? Why would you do this to yourself?! *caresses Transformers DVD* Via Facebook:

We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do. I gave birth to our son Noah Shannon Green on September 27th. He is healthy, happy, and perfect.
We are humbled to have the opportunity to call ourselves the parents of this beautiful soul and I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to know this kind of boundless, immaculate love.
Thanks to those of you who wish to send your positive energy and well wishes. May God bless you and your families abundantly.

Granted, the boy’s last name is Green, a good way for Brian Austin Green to know for certain if the child is really his is to carry it around naked and see if butterflies land on its penis. Which I swear isn’t some elaborate scheme to get him arrested as a pedophile, but since you asked, you ruined the surprise at the end so now I have to buy them a fucking Bjorn instead. God, you piss me off, you know that?