Matthew McConaughey shouldn’t be allowed in a delivery room

Matthew McConaughey’s longtime girlfriend Camila Alves gave birth to their son Levi Alves McConaughey on July 7, and two weeks later, they popped him on the cover of OK! Magazine for a cool $3 mil. Thankfully, unlike the Jessica Alba and Jamie Lynn bullshit fests, this one is full of Matthew McConaughey ridiculousness. Turns out the dude’s idea of Lamaze is throwing a rave between a woman’s legs while she’s giving birth. You can’t make this stuff up. Scope out the highlights:

On coaching Camila:
“We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.”

On finding out it was a boy:
“I said, ‘Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila].”

On how long he’s wanted to be a dad:
“I have it all chronicled. Becoming a dad is something I’ve dreamed of doing since I was 10. Becoming a father felt very, very natural. We were jamming!”

I will admit their baby is probably the cutest one I’ve had to look at during Celeb Uterus Summer Slam ’08. Of course, I’m only saying that because Levi will grow up to be Earth’s warrior king after he defeats the invading Martian army with a battle axe. Or he’ll get really baked and live in a van on the beach with a pet ostrich. It’s a toss up.