Matthew McConaughey reads The Bible?

July 9th, 2008 // 33 Comments

Matthew McConaughey astounds me yet again by typing people words and claiming to have knowledge of The Bible. Here’s his latest blog entry explaining how he chose Levi Alves McConaughey for his newborn son’s name. I’m going to assume somebody ate a handful of mescaline then watched 6-8 hours of TBN:

“Levi” was another name for the apostle “Matthew” in the bible…. they were, in fact, two names for the same person… our son was born at 6:22 pm, and this particular “time” represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in the bible: “if thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.”

So, is Matthew “McConaughey” trying to tell us his kid “only” has one eye? Because I didn’t “understand” a fucking thing that guy just said. I do know that Levi’s going to be the only preschooler to talk non-stop on the spiritual lessons of Cookie Monster: “Man, I’m telling you, man. That sumbitch knows shit. It’s like he’s in my noggin’, man, diggin’ around. Telling me, yeah, I love cookies, but do I even know why there’s a C in ‘cookie,’ man? KER-PSHH! Fries your freakin’ Play-Doh, doesn’t it?” Levi will later drop out of kindergarten after he realizes he’s Jesus and just really likes nachos.

superficial

  1. rumble grumble gurgle roar

    the children’s bible. ya know..the one with pictures.

  2. monkeyfightclub

    all is well with the world. McConaughey is once again walking around again with no shirt.

  3. rumble grumble gurgle roar

    a first frist for the rumbler. yippie skippy!

  4. woodhorse

    I saw McConaughey when he read “if thy eye be single”. He stood really still for so long that the cherry on the blunt died out.

  5. bah

    she looks like she’s just packed his lunch and juice box for the day before he heads off to burnt out acid head surf camp.

    “aww but hot model mom, do i haveta go?”
    “yesss matthew! and you make friends! no pulling any girls hair young man, do you understand me?”
    “awwwww.”

  6. sara

    i wonder if he even knows what that verse means.. since he you know, left off the first half of it.

  7. noneyobeezwax

    i have to assume that the child child exited the womb completely stoned and searchin for some twinkies.

  8. Who knew he could read?

  9. ph7

    “if thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.”
    —————————–

    Poor cyclops baby.

  10. So… she birthed a diamond merchant?

  11. Ok, get real – we all know he can’t read.

  12. havoc

    Hopefully the kid doesn’t smell like Matthew….

    The moron one, not the biblical one….

    .

  13. Pedro

    My favorite bible line comes from the 3rd verse of the book of Matthew.

    “And yay even though thou wife is pregnant, thou shalt go to Nicaragua and drink thine ass off and cavort with strange women.”

    Matthew, MMMMMM…DRUGS ARE BAD? MMMMKAY?

  14. Beth

    Maybe he unconsciously named his son Levi after Leviticus, hoping that his son would avoid his own tendency to have random drunken sexual encounters with men: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; it is an abomination.”

  15. havoc

    Ouch…

    LMAO……..

    .

  16. asshat

    doesn’t this asshole ever wear a shirt?

  17. cate

    I guess he skipped the part where it said no sex before marriage.

    :)

  18. toolboy

    I would pay good money to hear Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey, Samuel Jackson (moderator?), Amy Winehouse, Mr Miyagi and Brainy Smurf have a round table discussion on well, just about anything….maybe Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Get them all reeeeally stoned and see what epiphany pops outta they heads.

  19. crabby old guy

    “Now git in the barrel…we’ll do it ‘urricaine style…here comes ol’ ‘One Eye’!”

    I don’t think old Matthew picked up his son’s name from a Bible passage – I think he was stoned and listenin’ to Firesign Theatre albums. We’ll know for sure if he names his next kid, “Nick Danger”.

    If so, I have new-found respect for him…and that’s the truth….well, as far as you know.

  20. There are indeed some POINTS in it.

  21. Barely Stearn

    Who &*$(*’ing cares? How soon before the baby is rigged up with the same hair system as daddy’s?

  22. Bigo

    Did he really read the Bible or did he just took off his pants and saw the name Levi’s and decided to name his son like that.

  23. Jammy

    Amongst his folk, it’s pronounced “the bobble”

  24. bosendorfer

    I believe McConaughey lives to be true to himself which I believe is very admirable, however, I think the image he suggests of himself to the public at-large is such a load of horseshit. (I don’t really blame him, it’s just that he gives us all so little credit. Lies. Of course, as King of the World, it is very important what I believe.)

  25. mirella

    I like how all the posts about women in bathing suits gets a headline like “so-and-so wears a bikini on the beach” but for a guy it has to spark a discussion about his intellect or lack thereof.

    Can’t we just say “Matthew McConaughey is shirtless again, and all is right with the world”? Oh yeah, and he just became a father.

  26. SteveM

    “I guess he skipped the part where it said no sex before marriage.”

    Nowhere in the Bible does it say anything about not having sex before marriage.

  27. justtheobvoius

    She is UGLY. He could have done way better than her. Oh Yeah, that’s why he doesn’t talk about marrying her!

  28. Jay-zus

    He’s no towering intellect, that guy! he should stick to just taking his shirt off. It’s what he does best.

  29. maria

    Many people care this very much. They are discussing this on the forum of i n t e r r a c

    i a l chatting . c o m. Many people joined the discussion and debate there.

  30. justifiable

    #29 The only thing many people care this very much is that you fucking die, immediately if not sooner.

  31. melissa

    I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE!!!

  32. Lisa C

    20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also .22“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!24“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

    There above is the context the verse he quoted is used in. Leave the guy alone… he’s not an idiot even if he appears superficial sometimes. Don’t be a hater.

  33. jennifer

    Who ever wrote this story is a true fool.. maybe he or she was raised by atheists.. but seriously, Matthew’s childrens names are really none of anyones business… but it is nice that they are meaningful..Most people these days come up with some of the craziest names and why shouldn’t they it is their child.. and who are they to judge Matthew of his background, it sounds to me that this writer of the story has not been raised with any type of religious background and mocks anyone who has…

Leave A Comment