Matthew McConaughey reads The Bible?

By: The Superficial / July 9, 2008

Matthew McConaughey astounds me yet again by typing people words and claiming to have knowledge of The Bible. Here’s his latest blog entry explaining how he chose Levi Alves McConaughey for his newborn son’s name. I’m going to assume somebody ate a handful of mescaline then watched 6-8 hours of TBN:

“Levi” was another name for the apostle “Matthew” in the bible…. they were, in fact, two names for the same person… our son was born at 6:22 pm, and this particular “time” represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in the bible: “if thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.”

So, is Matthew “McConaughey” trying to tell us his kid “only” has one eye? Because I didn’t “understand” a fucking thing that guy just said. I do know that Levi’s going to be the only preschooler to talk non-stop on the spiritual lessons of Cookie Monster: “Man, I’m telling you, man. That sumbitch knows shit. It’s like he’s in my noggin’, man, diggin’ around. Telling me, yeah, I love cookies, but do I even know why there’s a C in ‘cookie,’ man? KER-PSHH! Fries your freakin’ Play-Doh, doesn’t it?” Levi will later drop out of kindergarten after he realizes he’s Jesus and just really likes nachos.