Matthew McConaughey may have a Tarzan baby gestating inside model Camila Alves, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get trashed in Nicaraqua and pick up chicks. He must’ve got that parenting book I sent him: “The Zen of Drinking your Way to Debilitating Child-Support Payments.” Star reports:
“He was acting like an out-of-control 18-year-old,” claims an eyewitness who was at the bar. “He already seemed to be drunk when he arrived alone, and he only got worse from there on. He was putting the make on every woman in his path, throwing his arms around them and trying to kiss them, and trying to dirty-dance with a few out on the floor. But he was a mess, slurring his words and stumbling around.
“A few minutes after he finally left the bar, someone found him searching through a sewage ditch outside. When they asked him what he was doing, he mumbled, ‘I’ve lost my flip-flops!’”
You know who should really be responsible for a kid? People who lose their shoes in a sewer ditch. That’s a winning combination right there. But seriously, I’m sending Matt “Daddy & Baby Velcro shirts” as a shower gift. That way he can carry two drinks at the bar, and it’ll be like he never even fathered a child. Now that’s practical.