Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz have decided to separate. In a joint statement they say they’ve “decided to take time off as a couple. Due to busy work schedules and so much time apart, they mutually decided four weeks ago that separating was the best thing to do at this time.” Plus the stench of weed coming out of McConaughey’s house was probably a little overpowering for Cruz. And sure, the late night nude bongo sessions were fun at first, but it takes a little more than that to keep a woman interested. Although don’t ask me why. I see a naked woman playing with her bongos and she’s won my heart forever. Get it? Bongos? It’s like you’re in eighth grade all over again!
Seamus Begonia Smell | June 2, 2006 at 10:15 pm
was bound to happen
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Since when has Penelope Cruz had a career? I think William Holden gets more work than her.
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 10:18 pm
And how did Krisdylee not get “first”??? Fingers must be too occupied elsewhere to get to the keyboard in time.
Grobpilot | June 2, 2006 at 10:21 pm
Does Penelope Cruz remind anyone else of a chihuahua, or is it just me?
mcgirleygirl | June 2, 2006 at 10:21 pm
She misses Tom Cruise. It’s easier to remember a last name when it’s the same as hers. Too many letters in McConaughey. Damn though….she’s cute….
Gerald Tarrant | June 2, 2006 at 10:23 pm
I’ve always thought he could do better.
Iambananas | June 2, 2006 at 10:23 pm
He is the most beautiful man in the entire world. Did you see him on Oprah yesterday? Wow. Now that’s a man.
Iambananas | June 2, 2006 at 10:24 pm
Who’s William Holden?
hurley | June 2, 2006 at 10:29 pm
he has an oddly shaped head. lumpy, maybe mishapen, something odd with the placement of the ears.
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Fa Cube–Check your email, hon. I have a question for you.
hurley | June 2, 2006 at 10:32 pm
William Holden’s dead apparently. So #2 is saying she gets less work than a 25-year old corpse.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000034/
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Thanks Hurley :)
amy | June 2, 2006 at 10:56 pm
YAY!:)
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 10:59 pm
Although I’m going to regret asking this….
#7: Some time ago, I vaguely recall you arguing pretty strenuously that you aren’t female. However, today you state:
“He is the most beautiful man in the entire world. Did you see him on Oprah yesterday? Wow. Now that’s a man.”
Quo vadis?
BoredStiff | June 2, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Good News! That should free up some time for him to get started on that highly anticipated sequel of “Two for the Money”
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:06 pm
If you know you’ll regret something, why’d you do it? You know better than that.
Supermodelmom1 | June 2, 2006 at 11:08 pm
…Loooove William Holden and that fine-azz Matt.
…Hate Penelope. She needs to work on her English.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | June 2, 2006 at 11:10 pm
Mmmmmm Matthew McConaughey…*Homer voice*
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Ari: Bored enough to do it in this case….
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Hey, Feed_Me! Umm.. did you get a message from me?
Fa– let them eat cake? ;)
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I don’t really know much about Penelope, except that she’s teensy and seems to have an unfortunate habit of doing something to her hair that makes it bigger than the entire rest of her body… but any woman that lets a man like that out of her grasp is clearly not thinking straight.
Of course, she did date Tom Cruise for a while, so… I don’t know what I was expecting.
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:15 pm
Ari: Yup! *licks off strategically placed frosting* Nummers!
Teufelhund | June 2, 2006 at 11:18 pm
@17. She could speak Swahili, with a thick Russian accent, and I wouldn’t mind, …
http://www.heavenlycelebrities.com/penelope_main.html
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:22 pm
15: That will have to wait for “Wedding Planner 2: Why Won’t My Agent Call Me?” although that’s still really more of a J-Ho vehicle.
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:28 pm
22– My lovely man. I do so love raunchy lawyers.
tsarinaamanda | June 2, 2006 at 11:28 pm
@14-
Allow me to answer that. He is GAY. GAY, GAY, GAY!!! But he’s probably in denial of that fact, which would explain the constant hostility, stupidity, and possibly the annoying, retarded posts. I don’t know HOW it all ties together, but I suspect it does. Point being, HWMNBN and his alter-ego are gay, and they are retards. And I hope they get their ass beat by the whole damn gay pride parade for denying their true sexuality.
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:31 pm
Pure as the driven slush, I am!
krisdylee | June 2, 2006 at 11:32 pm
WHO cares if he’s gay…. Italian, Papa, BigJim, Tranny, they looove the girl-on-girl… why can’t I love the guy-on-guy…
it’s hot, I tell you.
Hot.
Wait,
Jake and Matthew.
oh, fuck me, dear jaysus….
blueballs | June 2, 2006 at 11:34 pm
why do stars have to issue press releases when they split? Do they issue press releases when they fart or queef? My god am I sick of hollywood stars.
btw, i am 29th…woo hoo!!!
krisdylee | June 2, 2006 at 11:34 pm
see, I loooove clit-on-slit action, so why not a couple-o’-cocks, wrangling around for first place???
Hot.
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:35 pm
26: When I used to work in D.C., a group of lesbians held a protest rally (for God knows what) on Capital Hill. One group was actually pretty funny – they all came in combat boots, fatigue pants, and blue t-shirts that said “TWAT Team” in yellow on the back.
krisdylee | June 2, 2006 at 11:35 pm
I just farted, blueballs…. cool, huh.
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:36 pm
Fa–if you’re pure anything, it’s evil. And I’m a virgin.
kris– I prefer the guy-on-girl-on-guy myself…
It’s a fun fantasy to play with, at any rate.
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:44 pm
32: Quick! Give him the ol’ “Dutch Oven”!
Fa Cube Itches | June 2, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Ari: Don’t let the horns, tail, and cloven feet fool you. They’re mostly cosmetic, anyway. Mostly.
Derek Swanson | June 2, 2006 at 11:48 pm
#28.
“WHO cares if he’s gay…. Italian, Papa, BigJim, Tranny, they looove the girl-on-girl… why can’t I love the guy-on-guy…”
You’re confused. Those blokes love the guy-on-guy thing as much as you do. More. Much more. A lot.
#26. Him too.
Toonlite | June 2, 2006 at 11:49 pm
Penelope left Matthew because she is getting busy with Selma Hayek…plus she hates bongos and liked playing with Selma’s Bongos PLUS after going out with Tom Cruise she has never been right….sad really
http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com/2006/02/brokeback-cowgirls.html
That’s right…ah-huh…
Ari | June 2, 2006 at 11:53 pm
32– well, I know I feel better having been told.
35– soooooo… did you get to the dry cleaners? Evil tease.
Fa Cube Itches | June 3, 2006 at 12:01 am
33: Fan of the Wavey-H, huh?
Fa Cube Itches | June 3, 2006 at 12:03 am
38: Yup. Got the tie undone and the collar open now. Woo-hoo! Weekend outfit.
Ari | June 3, 2006 at 12:04 am
I’m just extraordinarily demanding…
colormeskanky | June 3, 2006 at 12:05 am
i think it was their accents that drew them together, but afterwhile it also drove them apart…eventually matthew hired a translator and learned that penelope was had been leaving messages on his voicemail for months, informing him of various sexual escapades that would be keeping her from seeing him that evening. and penelope was informed by a friend that matthew’s frequent “joking” about going off for the weekend to do some “brokebackin’” was a red flag.
HarryNipples | June 3, 2006 at 12:48 am
Oh God he is so hot…
I would crawl a mile over broken glass to throw pebbles at his shit…
And #30, Krisdy, oh heavens, my leotards are wet yet again – I think I’m in love…
PoolNoodle | June 3, 2006 at 1:08 am
these two shouldnt even be featured!
HarryNipples | June 3, 2006 at 1:22 am
I heard he’s got a big schlong – but then I think that about all celebs – does this mean he’s available??
SagaciousSteph | June 3, 2006 at 1:54 am
I’ve always considered him to be pretty hot, particularly when he’s shirtless. But in that mug shot his hairline is definitely receding. Next comes the beer belly. Won’t be long now…
ptprez | June 3, 2006 at 2:10 am
penelope is the eldest child of a hairdresser and auto mechanic…
her mother must be the mechanic because that mop on her head looks like it was thrown together with two lug wrentches and a can of 10w 30…
ptprez | June 3, 2006 at 2:12 am
46
in 4 years he’ll look like kelsey grammer…
perfectanglovesgodlol | June 3, 2006 at 2:13 am
i comment #43 ewwww gross and sick yuck
ptprez | June 3, 2006 at 2:14 am
28
because guys stick penises in other guys…