Matthew McConaughey Is A Gift And A Treasure

November 14th, 2013 // 27 Comments
Matthew McConaughey Magic Mike
'Showers, Baby'
Danny McBride Steve Little Jimmy Kimmel Live
Matthew McConaughey And The Art of Seduction Read More »

Matthew McConaughey has been named GQ‘s Leading Man of The Year which he deserves because after years of shitting out romantic comedies, he reinvented his career and was a goddamn revelation in Magic Mike. It’s a role on par with Val Kilmer in Tombstone, and if you’re too dude-bro to watch a movie about male strippers, then you’re depriving yourself of all the wondrous gifts this world has to offer (unless you clicked on these Nina Agdal pics). Also, according to his GQ profile, he’s apparently Batman. Why don’t you want to watch Batman act?

“So there I was in this little village on the Niger River.” Matthew McConaughey is talking about a trip he took a few years ago, one of the walkabouts he is fond of going on whenever the Hollywood air gets too rarefied. “Word had gotten out that there was a strong white man, a boxer. So I’m lying there outside, stretchin’, when I hear these young male voices, and it sounded like they were talking shit,” he says. He asked his guide to translate: “They saying they are champion of the village wrestlers, and they want to wrestle Strong White Man,” he says, transitioning into a sort of Tarzan accent. “And all of a sudden, the volume of the crowd comes up, like, two decibels. And I look up, and there’s a huge guy wearing, like, a burlap sack. He looks at me, and he points to his chest.” McConaughey points to his famous pecs, peeking out of his white V-neck like a pair of toasted dinner rolls. “Then he points at me. Then he points over there to a sandpit.” McConaughey points at the window of his Airstream trailer, which is parked at Sony studios. “And my heart is going babababababababa. But my brain is going, ‘You have to, dude.’ So I go and get in the sandpit. I’m barefoot, no shirt; he’s barefoot, no shirt. I don’t know the rules, but I am about to find out.”

As for whether or not he won, that wasn’t the point of the experience because Matthew McConaughey is a philosopher, if not the greatest hip hop artist of our generation:

As he finishes telling it, McConaughey is crouched in a wrestling stance, breathing heavily. “I’m just breathing, covered in sweat, blood running down my chin, things coming out of my beard. The crowd is going crazy.” He asked a bystander: “Did I win?”
McConaughey lowers his voice back into his Tarzan accent. “It is not about whether you win or lose,” he says. “It is whether you accept the challenge.”
McConaughey pauses to let the power of the words resonate. He is an avid collector of bits of wisdom like this. “I got 821 of them,” he says, nodding toward a slim laptop containing “aphorisms, bumper stickers, truths, and rhymes,” many of which he has come up with himself. Lately he has been writing bits of rap songs. Rollin’ through yellow lights on my skateboard, he speak-sings. Kiss the fire and walk away whistlin’.

Did I mention Matthew McConaughey is oddly fixated on traffic lights? Matthew McConaughey is oddly fixated on traffic lights.

On the door, someone has welded McConaughey’s best-known aphorism, “Just keep livin’.” The line belongs to Wooderson, the long-graduated Lothario he played in 1993′s Dazed and Confused, and it’s become a motto for McConaughey, inspiring the names of both his foundation (J.K. Livin) and his clothing line (JKL), whose tagline is yet another McConaugheyism: “Find your frequency.”
“That’s a goooood one,” he drawls. “You get that, don’t you? We all have a frequency, where things are clicking.” He closes his eyes, snapping his fingers like a Beat poet. “I can adapt better. I’m catching more green lights. You know what I mean?”

“It’s like, say you’re on a skateboard,” he explains while slowly playing the congas. “And you gotta get to the beach by 5:30 because that’s when the good waves are, but then you hit a red light and it’s like the eye of Satan looking down on you saying, ‘McConaughey, I’m going to stop you. I’m going to stop you with everything in my power.’ But then you look right back at that light and you know what happens? It turns green. That’s me, all day, every day, man. Sometimes I just sit in the middle of intersections altering rush hour traffic so people can see you don’t have to let those lights tell you what to do. You don’t have to let them do anything. And people die because I don’t know anything about traffic patterns, but we all come back, you dig? We all come back.”

superficial

  1. CaribbeanLMo

    God, does this dude have the weed injected directly into his veins?

  2. sometimes i fantasize about a society that will pay me tens of millions of dollars for being an insufferable douche full of bong resin.

  3. Cock Dr

    Just you wait…he’ll be putting out a line of JKL cannabis products.

  4. I propose we lock Matt and Kanye in a room together, and see who dies and who comes out merely with his ears bleeding.

    Two man enter, one man leave.

  5. Aw, come on. There are a lot worse out there than this guy. I’m in no way connected to showbiz but through circumstance I’ve met him a few times and been around him some and he is sincerely a hell of a nice guy. Nice to everyone. Regardless of station, color, or creed the dude is legitimately a good guy.

    It doesn’t excuse Surfer Dude, obviously, but he is a nice person. And True Detective looks like the tits.

  6. Dox

    As unpopular as it is.. I like the surfer dude guru personality better than most others. I’m sure I’ll get peppered with thumbs down, and a ton of weed jokes and comments… but honestly, some of the most laid back, non judgmental people I have ever been around are surfer types.

    Sides.
    Surfers do get some of the best weed. And nothing is better than sitting on the beach, listening to the waves.

    • It sounds corny as fuck, and I’m not a surfer at all, but I have to imagine that the dudes that put it out there every day probably achieve some perspective on shit. Personally, the ocean scares the shit out of me. There are about a million fucked up things that can happen to you out there. Probably turns the volume down on a lot of the shit other people get worked up over in their day to day lives.

      • surfer here, with a high-stress job (paradox!). and yes, the ocean is a dose of perspective. you are keenly aware of your transience and insignificance. makes the weed better and the co-workers more tolerable. win-win.

  7. dontkillthemessenger

    I know he probably sweats bong water, but I’d rather listen to his philosophical ramblings than anything Tom Cruise, or especially that moron Mark Wahlberg has to say.

  8. I like him, seems like a nice guy, good family man, does not start shit with anyone, does not take himself too seriously and I like his movies.

  9. He just seems like a cool dude.

  10. “Oh, he’s very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.”

  11. Magic Mike was better than I expected it to be. But what Kilmer did in Tombstone was epic. MM is underrated, but the two performances don’t compare.

  12. EnglishTeacherAnni

    Every time I see him all I remember is “Tuggernuts”………

  13. Mama Pinkus

    his face is a train wreck but my oh my that body

  14. He is good people. I would be his friend.

  15. Jenn

    Out of all the Hollywood peckerheads, he’s the least asshole-ish

  16. Two amazing quotes from Matt. Confirmed he is a treasure:

    (on his favorite meal) You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted my butt chicken. You get a can of beer and leave half of the liquid inside it. Throw a bunch of spices into the can, then stick that in the chicken and stand it up on the grill. The beer will start to boil and the spices begin to lubricate the chicken. Do it right and nothing on this earth tastes better ? no barbecue is complete without it. I cooked it up for Al Pacino while we were making Two for the Money (2005) – he dug it, man. All the proof I need.

    Who needs a house when you can live in a trailer? People tell me it’s not a very Hollywood way to live but it happens to be my preference. I’ve lived in big houses and a big space gave me too many options. I had this amazing chair that I loved but I’d go months without sitting on it. I had some nice paintings on the walls but I’d hardly ever look at them. I realized I didn’t need those things. So I went minimalist. My Airstream trailer is 28ft by 7ft and it’s got everything I need, including TV and wireless internet. It’s stress-free living because my choices are limited. My living space is so small that I can sit on the toilet and scramble eggs at the same time. How cool is that?

Leave A Comment