Mary-Kate Olsen: The Black Widow?

March 6th, 2008 // 69 Comments

Mary-Kate Olsen has moved on in a matter of weeks from her, what Star is calling, “secret boyfriend” the late Heath Ledger to Italian billionaire/drug connoisseur Lapo Elkann:

While in Paris for Fashion Week, MK flirted with Lapo, the heir to the $7.3 billion Fiat auto dynasty, who overdosed on cocaine and heroin at the home of a transsexual in 2005. Lapo, who now claims he has found sobriety through AA meetings in NYC, clung to life for three days in a coma before recovering.
“Mary-Kate and Lapo seemed very cozy” while sitting next to each other at the Giambattista Valli fashion show on Feb. 28, says a source.

Oh yeah, this guy’s dead. But at least he’ll get to meet Heath Ledger and exchange war stories about having sex with a coke-fueled monkey-woman. Should be fun. What? You can’t tell me Mary-Kate doesn’t swing from the ceiling by her tail. That’s just science.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. shitstain

    fugly.

  2. martino

    That thing on her hand appears to be a two-headed snake.

  3. martino

    That thing on her hand appears to be a two-headed snake.

  4. Ted from LA

    They always leave out the part where I told him I was quitting and I wanted him to flush it all down the toilet. How could I know he’d lock himself in the bathroom and take all of it?

  5. fergernauster

    SMILE.

    SMILE, you simian.

    Show us those grey/brown, acid-worn, shit-stained teeth!

  6. Snarky McComments

    A billionaire playboy settled for that?

  7. kfed is raw

    wait, I though kate hudson killed heath, just like she’s finishing the job with owen now…

  8. pointandlaugh

    what a great name……LAPO. hehehehe

  9. “who overdosed on cocaine and heroin at the home of a transsexual in 2005″. yeah, that’s who I would date! Hot ching!

  10. RENEE

    Orangutan! Both those ugly twins look like monkeys, but I can always tell the 2 apart because MK is the one who looks more closely related to the orangutan species; vs Ashley, who just looks monkey-ish.
    Fricken Muncheecheemuncheechees

  11. Bigheadmike

    She looks not so good.

  12. mike

    @4 Ted, MK looks a lot like your mother. Your mothers know how to party and please a crowd!

  13. On the plus side, she can wear the same clothes for the next 60 years. Cheetah print is classic, usually in things, but ok in old lady chic as well.

  14. BunnyButt

    You know, if she was 6 inches taller, 30 pounds heavier, wasn’t so pale, did something/anything with her hair, dressed better, looked smarter, and didn’t have a gargoyle mouth and gollum eyes, she wouldn’t look half bad …

  15. I believe that’s actually a picture of Willow Ufgood casting a spell.

    Silly Superficial.

  16. jb

    She looks like a blond Cruella de Ville. Ugh.

  17. She’s so pretty. I love her smile very much. A few days ago, I saw her at the millionaire dating club millionairecupid.com, she posted a nice profile there. Seems she is looking for a nice guy for serious relationships.

  18. morga

    #6, exactly. He could have anyone and everyone and he chooses this? blech

  19. JM

    If I ever start out a story like this:

    “Alright check this out. So I’m lying in a coma after OD’ing on heroin, and this tranny I’m with starts to freak the fuck out.”

    Haul my ass to rehab and throw away the key. Cause I know damn well at that rate I’d wake up in a hospital with a male nurse named Buck. And he’s here to fuck.

  20. BunnyButt

    Speaking of trannies, I just learned that the Turkish word for transvestite is travestiye (pronounced “travesty”). While certainly not applicable to Texas Tranny, it seems fitting in this case…

  21. Auntie Kryst

    @17 Nope, you lie. She’s got a profile on the Billionaire dating site. B “buh”, not M. It is said that many greasy eurotrash drug addicted rich wops make fond of internet there.

  22. Tapeworm

    I don’t think anyone is having sex with this monkey.

  23. Ahhhhhhhh, thanks Bunny Butt

  24. mcsandwich

    HEY SUPERFICIAL- you’ve got the millionaire website spammer “justme”- apparently leads to a viral website

  25. me

    24- so does mike. excluding the website part..

    oh, but his mom jokes are sooooooooooo funny!! funny as in fucking juvenile.

  26. FFSWTF

    “Oh yeah, this guy’s dead. But at least he’ll get to meet Heath Ledger and exchange war stories about having sex with a coke-fueled monkey-woman.”

    I don’t know the f*ck you are talking about, this dude Lapo Elkann is alive, might look dead, yeah, and ewww, humping a corpse (MK Olsen) but he’s alive and there’s no way he could “exchange war stories” with Heath Ledger unless there’s a ouija involved.

    Dude, you need to check your information before you post…

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lapo_Elkann <<<—– YES, Wikipedia, believe or not…

  27. I love conspiracy theories. This is way better then the 9/11 one…(because this one is logical!)

  28. Grunion

    aww what a cute little puppy…

  29. Fashion Police

    I have a niece just exactly like her – we laugh at her too

  30. Ted from LA

    #4 and #12,
    You’re obviously the same poster. I don’t mind battling you Mikey, but quit the posting as me and then reacting to it routine. You’re really not funny, but you make up for it by being a sick fuck. Stick with your goat sex jokes. It’s your strongest suit.

  31. #14 in other words, she’d be pretty, if she wasn’t so fuckin’ ugly..

  32. want meds

    i will never understand the casting agent who looked at these two as infants and decided they were photogenic and adorable–even as toddlers (height of cuteness for most of us) these two were simply unattractive. Now, they are ungodly.

  33. want meds

    i will never understand the casting agent who looked at these two as infants and decided they were photogenic and adorable–even as toddlers (height of cuteness for most of us) these two were simply unattractive. Now, they are ungodly.

  34. JM

    #26 – You are a fucking retard. You can’t imagine how funny it is to see a guy get all high and mighty about how the blogger needs to “check his information before he posts” only to end up looking like an asshat.

    In case you didn’t notice, the title of the blog is “BLACK WIDOW” meaning she kills her mates. When he says Lapo “is dead”, he means as good as dead, since she (again referring to the black widow title) kills her mates. Hence the bright side of getting to “meet Heath Ledger and exchange war stories about having sex with a coke-fueled monkey-woman.” being brought up.

    It’s better to remain quiet and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

    – Someone who isn’t a complete fucktard like you

  35. She will kill them all!

  36. ashley

    Rude. You people forget she’s a person. So quick to judge. She’s ambitious, has an amazing sense of fashion and has had to deal with mean people like you since she was in diapers. Grow up.

  37. Lidiya

    why does she dress like that crazy 80-year-old woman i see on metro north sometimes who always dresses like it’s 1924? it’s not 1924, you hideous creature (mary-kate is hideous, i mean. the old lady is a lovely quirk of my morning commute.).

  38. TheRage

    why does she always suck in her cheeks? it’s so very annoying!

  39. FFSWTF

    #34
    I would say I didn’t get the “joke” then, I gotta admit the dude has some good humor but this “joke” was totally insuitably here.

    And thanks for the refined explanation, you are such a gentleman.

  40. As Lindsay Lohan found out… if you haven’t been in AA long enough to learn that the whole anonymity thing means you don’t go running to the press being all “I go to AA and that is how I got sober!”, you probably shouldn’t be claiming that you’re perma-sober. Cause your ass has not been working the program.

  41. she is seriously dating THIS ??! click on my name or here is the link:

    http://blogosfere.it/images/lapoelkannviola.jpg

    and why doesn’t his name sound italian but finnish ? WTF??

  42. Grunion

    #36 oh I remember she’s a person. But I, like the rest of us, don’t fucking care. That is all for today. Now run along..

  43. havoc

    LEMUR!!!!!!!

    .

  44. kirsten dunst

    could be wrong but isnt that fucking ashley olsen in the pictures, and not mk?

  45. bobosl

    mm., I saw this pic before on a celeb site called ‘SearchingMillionaire dot com’! Is that fake or real?

  46. boboan

    she is cute. I saw his pic before on a celeb site called ‘SearchingMillionaire dot com’! Is that fake or real?

  47. pride of chucky

    What no FIAT car jokes? Okay here’s the oldest one.

    F- Fix
    I- It
    A- Again
    T- Tony!

  48. SlowMonkey

    @26 You’re even slower than me Must come from reading only the parts you like. Those 4 years of Reform School really paid off.

  49. SlowMonkey

    @34 Rosanne Rosanna Danna made a living that way. There are possibilities.

  50. herbiefrog

    actually, her pupils look fine, she looks ok so why all the invective?

    cos she’s preetier that all of you and dating again?

    lol guys, get a grip

    [now up, down, up, down, etc… you’ll soon forget all that hate…

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