Mary-Kate Olsen makes out with strangers

February 8th, 2007 // 91 Comments

20-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen was spotted at Bungalow 8 Tuesday night “weaving around and kept falling off the banquettes she was dancing on.” A rep for Mary-Kate insists she’s sober and declined comment, but a source adds:

“She made out with three random guys and was wearing a Mardi Gras mask.”

She was wearing a Mardi Gras mask? How could anybody fucking tell? And who is looking at this face thinking to themselves, “You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna make out with the clown monster in the corner.” Did they lose a dare? Or maybe they were so drunk they thought they were dead and this was Satan coming for their eternal soul.



  1. anothershityear

    blue eyed chimpanzee


  3. didey23

    She looks like a zombie!!

  4. serena

    poor girl looks like shit.

  5. dddaza

    Fourth! I wonder if she’s on coke yet.

  6. dddaza

    And by Fourth! I do mean fifth!

  7. The saliva she exchanged with those three guys probably constitutes her entire calorific intake for the week.

  8. LL

    Wow… if you ever doubted that a tiny Olsen could look scary, here’s your answer. Damn. She looks like the Bride of The Joker.

  9. ch474

    Can’t sleep. The clown will eat me.
    Can’t sleep. The clown will eat me.
    Can’t sleep. The clown will eat me.

  10. sdtangler

    She looks like a vampire….

  11. aimatcha

    “Wait til they get a load of me!!!”

  12. N@ughty

    so um…is mary-kate like on the verge of u kno…death? cause a face like that tells me she’s already been there. i mean sure she’s skinny as a phone cord and yea she’s turning into another paris or nicky, but man! if i had that chick’s face, i’d scare myself!!!

  13. GooniesNeverSayDie

    The beautiful people
    The beautiful people

    Its all relative to the size of your steeple

  14. RichPort

    One thing’s for sure, we know she doesn’t swallow.

  15. sid

    They should do a Full House reunion. Right now.

    Let Bob Saget do all his blue material and let the Olsen whores drop liqour bottles and condoms all over the floor and then pretend like they’re little kids and mug to the camera and say, “Oops. I’m sowwy.”

    Yeah, jeez, I wonder why the Iraqis don’t want to be forced to adopt our wonderful culture. Pffffft!

  16. caljenna

    The power of Christ compels you! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!

  17. XeoRad

    Wow – she’s pretty scary. Hey! I have an idea. Why not make another Chucky/Child’s play movie, but this time instead of using cheesey animatronics just use this piece of shit. Call it Child’s Play – Charlotte’s Revenge.

    Oh, sorry. Can’t do that. She would need to be a decent actor.

    She jumped the shark way back. Don’t even put her on ths site anymore. Please. No, really.

  18. Spock's Left Nut

    What the hell is wrong with her eyes? Is she trying to turn us all to stone?

  19. Spock's Left Nut

    I just figured it out — she had just seen Cisco Adler’s nuts.

  20. They all float….
    They all float down here!!!!!

  21. Shit Fish, couldn’t you put a NSFW warning up with about 2000 pixels of space before that picture? I like clowns, but that one actually scares me.

  22. MrSemprini

    Whew, that reminds me. Time for another showing of “IT” by Stephen King. You know, he wrote that story after being forced to watch Full House while his wife was keeping some sick kids. He ate them, of course, and that’s why he dreamed up the “IT” story. That or bad clams. Whoops, gotta go. Sirens! wheee

  23. veggi

    Hey Timon- Where’s Pumba?

    Hakuna Matata!

  24. p911gt10c

    @# 11
    HAHAHAHAHA, Outstanding!

    One has to wonder what her orgasm face looks like?
    I’m guessin like those clown faces you shoot water into at the fair.

  25. Ok, no seriously. WTF IS WRONG WITH HER ! This picture scared the shit out of me when it appeared …

  26. pyssuchop

    thats 1 ugly little girl

  27. jillybean

    She’s joined Mark Anthony’s league of living dead.

  28. Niecy

    That is a seriously scary picture.
    I think the witness got it wrong. She wasn’t making out with them. She was trying to eat their brains.

  29. yolatengo

    Hah! i remember the big deal every pedophile used to make about these two about 3 years ago. all the talk about the COUNTDOWN to legal clock …i guess the joke is on them.

  30. veggi

    Well, we know now what it takes to make billions before you’re 18- they sold it baby.

  31. WiseMan

    She looks like a monkey.

  32. RussianMafia

    pin-dot irises = opiates

    she is chasin the dragon, people

  33. Prazzie

    There is something very wrong here. Since I’m not here to be mean, much, I got over my initial fright, read the other comments, kept scrolling back up to send another shiver down my spine and developed a Theory:

    This poor girl (I forget her name) started acting when she was still in the womb and never got a chance to do the normal experimentation that all little girls do.

    Sooner or later all little girls and some little boys (more than you think) get a hold of mommy’s make-up and start making pretty.

    They boldly choose the most striking colours, usually blue or purple eyeshadow and blood red lipstick. They also overdo it on the blush, but that’s only because they don’t know squat about shading (and most will never learn).

    Invariably, once they lose focus on the individual eye, lip or cheek area, they take in the whole effect and gasp or wet their pants. Thus we enter the next phase of expermentation – The Teenage Goth Years.

    Teenagers know that blue eyeshadow and red lips are frighteneing, but they don’t quite know what looks good yet. So they load on the black eyeliner and black mascara and orange foundation and pink lipstick and go to the movies to frighten innocents such as myself. (I’m easily scared by the ugly, can you tell?) This phase lasts until they see something in a magazine or go to make-up lessons or get abducted by aliens and then we go into the “sensible neutrals” adult phase.

    This girl obviously skipped all that, since she had make-up artists doing all the work for years. Now that she’s reached the rebellious age of eight, she fired them all and is wielding her own brushes.

    Mary-Ashley-Whatshername, trust me now. Find whoever is not doing Teri Hatcher, Jessica Simpson or Anne Hathaway’s make-up. Pay them to help you. You can afford it – use all that money you’re saving by not eating food. Oh, and stop chewing your hair.

  34. Maybe she was providing the entertainment for a necrophiliac’s club?

    Every time I see pictures of MK like this, I feel like it was a good move to put her on my deathpool list.

  35. Cosmo

    It looks like she tried to dress up as a horrifying combination of The Joker and Brandon Lee’s character from “The Crow.” And the sad part is, somebody actually let her leave the house looking like that.

  36. Amy3000

    @ number 16…lmao. She was such a cute little girl…WTF happened? (probably the constant molestings by Bob Saget on set…)

  37. KimIsSarcastic

    She wasn’t making out with strangers. She was licking the corners of their lips for leftovers.

  38. checkyourshorts

    What’s a horny hobbit to do? You go gelf.

  39. shakeitout

    dear lord.

  40. shakeitout

    dear lord.

  41. sassi_chic

    Coming soon

    The Corpse Bride 2

  42. 86

    She’s so ugly that I’ve been rendered speechless.

  43. Jnicole28

    Wow…i almost screamed when i scrolled down and saw that picture…
    whatever happened to the cute little michelle??

  44. 86

    I mean, I wonder how long she and her fugly sister stood in front of the mirror and practiced their wide-eyed look – that one where each eyelid is EXACTLY as far apart as her iris is round – before going public with it and scaring the crap out of us. Pod people.

  45. lustpockets

    “The Cure is coming back big, and I’m gonna be ready when they do”


    That’s not attractive.

  47. Clete

    Who is more derranged the skankey simian twin or the three strangers who would kiss that disturbing face. Without all that cash she would NEVER date.

  48. Celetina

    I’m playing a weird mental game here. “CHRIST!” I say, and scroll down, and as I read the comments I think “hm, I was exaggerating, she couldn’t have looked that bad…” so I scroll up again and “CHRIST!” Then I scroll down to where I left off, and so on and so forth again. It’s like I’m not capable of processing how absolutely terrible she looks.

  49. BetheeeGail

    It’s the girl from The Ring, but in drag. A detail which would’ve made for a much more interesting movie.

  50. dystopia

    I think I just shit my pants out of fear for my soul.

Leave A Comment