Mary-Kate Olsen is dating again

October 17th, 2006 // 47 Comments

20-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen has reportedly been dating oil heir Maxwell Snow for about a month now. Snow happens to be Uma Thurman’s nephew and is Mary-Kate’s first boyfriend since being single for a year after Paris Hilton stole her last boyfriend Stavros Niarchos.

It warms the heart to see that even creepy looking monkey-people can find love in this crazy mixed up world of ours. Being worth half a billion probably helps, but I’m sure there are a ton of guys out there who’d love her just for her. I mean guys love Zoolander, so it only makes sense they’d love a girl who looks likes him. Sort of like how guys love girls who look like Chuck Norris. Although that’s mostly just for their very handsome beards.


  1. GirlyGirl

    She looks jacked up in that picture. Does she only date oil heirs?

  2. Anastasia_Beaverhausen

    Why is there a picture of Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride on a Olsen post?

  3. BigJim

    Looking at her makes things shrivel up to Federline proportions.

  4. mrs.t

    I love that smirky lip thing she’s always doing. It’s like she has a delightful little secret and she just might tell you if you gaurd the bathroom door while she pukes up the grape she ate for lunch.

  5. Whew! Now I can finally sleep at night

  6. mrs.t

    *guard* , or do I mean gourd? goiter?

  7. Dr.Rokter

    I heard an internet rumor that if you stuff an Olsen twin into a liter bottle of Coca Cola, you get an invigorating tonic for the nerves, and a residual adhesive 10,000 times stronger than commercially available epoxy.

  8. jrzmommy

    Max’s mother is fucking fuming. “She looks like something left at a Grateful Dead rock concert, Maxwell….my GOD!”

  9. mrs.t

    I heard the same rumor, only it was my understanding that she must be wearing a Helmut Lang gown for the adhesive to reach it’s full potential.

  10. NipsyHustle

    i find tree frogs utterly adorable but i could never mount one.

    there is no way i’d let little miss manson family into my home. you’d only have yourself to blame when she gutted your dog and shoved his organs up your ass. though something tells me 5% of the male population finds that thought titillating.

  11. Italian Stallion

    She better not screw this dude over or Beatrice Kiddo will most likely pay her a visit and take her eye out and squish like grape………..


    I imagine painful bone cracking while banging her. Her bones of course.

  13. See Paris… Mary Kate was celibate for a year… and she’s HOT !!!

    No, she’s not really hot.

  14. tits_on_snack

    fucking Corpse Bride LOL.
    I have always thought the Olsens looked like those goddamn troll dolls. Those good luck trolls that old ladies bring to Bingo.

    And I hate their mouths. I detest that weird duckbill pursed-lips face they make, with their eyes all buggin’ outta their heads. Shiiiiit.

  15. @7 – Welcome, good Dr.Rokter

  16. slantingthroughdarkness

    I see this bitch in my nightmares.

  17. RichPort

    Mr. Fish is right, the bitch looks like a fucking lemur.

  18. Who is this Dr. Rokter asshole?

  19. RichPort

    The good Dr. Rokter was one of the first ever to reply to a comment of mine, suggesting that I fornicate a throw pillow, then myself, rather than Jessica Simpson. Good times man, good times.

  20. She’s just so tiny. It’s scary.

  21. @2 That is funny, that is exactly what I was thinking too. She does look like her.

  22. This Dr.Rokter person sounds like my kind of man.
    My curiosity is peaking… Is he by chance, a proctologist?

  23. Dr. Rokter sounds like a COCK to me….you know what I’m getting at.

  24. @23 – Ms Beaverhausen, I know what you’re driving at, but I believe he’s just a good old country type doctor.

    Now where the FUCKS the Ferret???

  25. The commies got Ferret!
    The commies got Ferret!

  26. ApacheRose


    My thoughts EXACTLY. They were fugly even as little kids, but they were *little* kids, so they kinda got a pass, but now… just plain fugly trolls with goldfish lips.

  27. ApacheRose

    Dr. Rokter’s back! Yeah, he’s a cock, but he’s a hopelessly funny cock.

  28. So, basically, if she marries “4 inches of Snow”, then they will control half of the world’s money, with the other half controlled by Brandon Davis.

    Wait. He’s broke. Nevermind.

  29. RichPort

    I hear the good Dr. Rokter writes on screens also… or something like that.

  30. Anastasia_Beaverhausen

    @27–nice lol!

  31. c

    Snow is a druggie alcoholic ‘artist’ — the slightly less fucked up Pete Doherty of the NY photography world.

  32. JB Fletcher

    hey Dr.Rockter,are you a real doctor????

    coz lying about having a medical degree or PHD is a felony,i think.


    coz i am.


  33. Is it just me, or do her and her sister always eye the camera like they’re prepping for a money shot to the face? Pigs.

  34. I have Nichole Ritchie slighty ahead of this trainwreck in the celebrity death pool….but only slightly.

  35. ElatedPornStar

    Those eyes…they pierce the soul.

  36. JB Fletcher

    holy crap,that picure!

    she looks like a south american big eyed monkey.
    not cute in any decade for a human to resemble.

    go ana!

  37. Nick

    #2 – Corpse Bride, why can’t I think of stuff like that! I must be in a minority because I’d still date her if she was flat broke…

  38. G

    Thats what the boogeyman looks like. Except she sleeps under heirs and not under beds.

  39. applecrisp

    Mary-Kate: Is she the fat one?

  40. sukieD

    She is beginning to rival Fairuza Bulk in the freakiness stakes…

  41. herbiefrog

    …we’re glad mk is out an about
    …at least she’s not showing all her bits
    …classy :)

    well more classy than some others…

    …just to stay in with the superficial crowd
    …doesnt she look like a duck billed platypuss?

    err… no?

    see… told you it wouldnt even get a laugh

    …best just stay with the truth
    …have fun hun :)

    ps ears open this weekend…

  42. tweetyeyes

    Holy shit! Is this Fiona Apple or the afterbirth of a baby gorilla?

  43. she looks like she has more relations to monkeys than sea monkeys.

  44. xplayoboyx

    ok i know all of u are not gonna sit here and say how ugly this girl is she had a website with a countdown of billions of guys waiting for her to turn 18 shes gorgeous her sister too

  45. ImaniOU

    You know, when they were little, we used to joke how much they resembled chimps. But now that they are 20, we talk how they resemble crack whore…chimps.

    Congrats Mary-Kate. Perhaps she could invest part of her fortune into a prada bag…preferrable paper. For her head.

  46. cole007

    wow – no one really cares about them at all.

  47. stick girl is dating some random jerk….wow

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