Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen sign things

October 29th, 2008 // 98 Comments

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen signed copies of their new book Influence yesterday at the Union Square Barnes & Noble in New York City yesterday. The twins had a strict set of rules for the event that basically entails them sitting at a table like mute Muppets who can’t believe they agreed to this. Here’s the entire set of guidelines via Racked.com:

1) Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen will be with us for a limited time. They will only be signing copies of their book, Influence. They will not be speaking, reading or taking questions.
2) Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen will NOT sign any memorabilia or product other than Influence. There is a limit of one book per person, and your one book must be purchased here.
3) You will be directed to pay for your book upon entering the store and will be given a receipt for your purchase. Please keep your receipt. You will receive your book at the signing table.
4) Along with your receipt, you will be given a B&N wristband, and then directed to the event space on the 4th floor. You must have a receipt and a wristband to access the 4th floor.
5) Anyone approaching the signing table must have paid for the book and be wearing a B&N wristband. One person, one wristband, one book.
6) You will collect your signed book at the signing table. If you have paid for any additional copies, a staff member will provide you with those before you exit the space.
7) There is no photography allowed. You must put away your camera or cell phone before approaching the signing table. The authors will not pose for photos.
8) If you leave, or the authors leave, before you are able to collect a signed book, you may present your receipt to a cashier for either an unsigned book or a refund. (Refunds only issued within 14 days of receipt.)
9) There will be no extra signed copies available after the authors leave the store. They will not be able to sign for anyone who is not on line. No pre-orders.

Since Mary-Kate and Ashley weren’t doing a Q&A, I decided to skip the event and figured I’d post my questions for them to get back to me at a later date. Here goes:

1. Do you ever pull that trick where you take the glass out of a mirror and pretend you’re the other one’s reflection – then punch her in the face?
2. Not counting John Stamos, has anyone ever called one of you “Michelle” in the heat of passion forcing you to shriek like a vampire bat and fly into the night?
3. What was it like murdering Heath Ledger, and on a scale from one to 10, what’d you think of The Dark Knight?

Looking forward to your answers. Cheers!

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. sameshitdifferentyear

    rule #10)
    The authors will be provided a generous serving of bananas every hour, on the hour. Just to look at, prior to going into the bathroom and doing another 2 lines each.

    #11) The authors will be provided 10 minutes every hour, to pick insects out of each others’ hair.

    #12) Under no circumstances, shall the authors sign any book
    “The Two Albino Chimpanzees”
    despite the fact that it is much more accurate than their actual names.

  2. Randal

    It’s like looking at a reflection of beauty on beauty.

    Randal

  3. Joe the Plumber

    They look fat.

  4. Don Rickles

    #17

    Toliet humor are for people that have nothing witty, funny, or clever to say.

  5. crazypants

    They’re always so uncomfortable looking. I know being a celebrity pays really well and lets you nail one-balled steroid abusing athletes and provide safe havens for your junky friends to kill themselves in – but they always look so uncomfortable dealing w/ the public.

    You’d think their “fans” would catch on to that and let them fade into obscurity.

  6. jt

    they look beautiful

  7. Chauncey Gardner

    I wonder if they’ve ever both had diarrhea at the same time?

  8. superflous

    #22 I think it’s just make-up, if they decide to get a nose job, they’re gonna do it together, imho.

  9. Ok, more of the first two questions please, and less of the third one.

    Am I the only one finding the last question in bad taste? C’mon. There’s jokes, and there’s jokes, and there’s the third thing which is just terrible.

  10. NY Ted

    What kind of book? What the fuck is it about? Here…I’ll give you a condensed version:

    We were born twins
    We acted (if you call it that) in a hokey TV program that sucked
    We began snorting coke
    We fucked each others boyfriends
    We made a horrible B movie together
    We have never done another thing with our sad pathetic lives
    End of story

  11. Jrz

    57!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  12. LawnGnome

    They look better than I’ve seen them look in a while…

  13. Jamie's Uterus

    What the Hell is this book about? What ‘influence’ do they have? and on whom? These 2 act and look like the ‘children of the corn’. Remember that Steven King book and movie?

  14. sarah

    ugh i was at this event and it fucking SUCKED!! i got there at 12:30 only to find out u had to buy the book to see them. so i bought it. then i found out u cant buy it at a certain checkout and, AND, when u ‘buy’ it u get a wristband and then wait in line, give them ur receipt, and they give u a signed copy of their book. i would have done this, except the organizers then said i wouldnt be able to see them anyways bc the line was too long. so bogus!!
    fuck u mk and ashley! mk, i used to be a fan. but this totally sucked!! u had more security than alan greenspan! what self-important twats

  15. sarah

    ugh i was at this event and it fucking SUCKED!! i got there at 12:30 only to find out u had to buy the book to see them. so i bought it. then i found out u cant buy it at a certain checkout and, AND, when u ‘buy’ it u get a wristband and then wait in line, give them ur receipt, and they give u a signed copy of their book. i would have done this, except the organizers then said i wouldnt be able to see them anyways bc the line was too long. so bogus!!
    fuck u mk and ashley! mk, i used to be a fan. but this totally sucked!! u had more security than alan greenspan! what self-important twats

  16. I <3 Trolls

    @62 – Do you guys hang out in the same yard?

  17. Maximus

    The one in the white shirt is so much hotter than the otherI Which one is she again??

  18. sheatethecake

    omg, that pink cake girl in pic 10 is fucking retarded. don’t make fun of funny looking retards ya’ll!
    (close your mouth, girl, the drool is hitting the floor)

  19. The Doctor

    so yeah I definitely think these two had a hand in Heath’s death and were able to use their billionaire influence to buy their way out of being part of the investigation. Not only did he die in their apartment but just think of all the drugs these two do. No doubt with that kind of access that its possible they supplied all those pills.

  20. Parker's Neighbor

    Leave my dashunds alone you pervert. Trixie & Dixie will start doing their morning constitutions on your front porch for ever more if you touch their doody holes again.

  21. harry

    She is so cute!!!!!!!!!!! ome of her fans found her on a fitness & celebrity dating club ==mysportsdate.com==She has a personal account there with her pictures, blog and something about her albums…In her friend circle, some other stars c San be found there.

  22. friendlyfires

    These are boilerplate booksigning rules.

    ROOLZ R 4 FOOLZ

    When the Olsen wenches stop by my neck of the woods, I’m gonna’ give their Bar-farts and Ig-Nobles handlers heart attacks. You betcha’ I’m bringing some Full House memorabilia but not for them to sign – to bless. Roman Catholic rites are good enough for me but I’ll accept Eastern Orthodox rites as well, but none of that Nestorian crap gotta draw the line somewhere. I’m not buying the book – I’m stealing it – worked for Abbie Hoffman. Then I’ll steal the receipt off someone else and demand a refund, that way, it’ll constitute a real theft, instead of positive reduction of inventory. Since I’ll be wearing garlic and that weird chocolate deodorant that turns you into Easter Candy, you betcha I’m gonna date both of ‘em, but time is precious, so we’ll do a floor show for the rubes. Might as well make it an edu-ma-cationg moment.

  23. Tom

    What do these trolls know about fashion? When you’re 4’10 and 80 pounds, you could look good in a potato sack for god’s sake. It’s so easy to pick out outfits when you don’t have to worry about any womanly features such as breasts, waists, hips, etc.

  24. James

    They look good.

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    hey veggi wheres my money ?

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  40. biteme

    Having read the guidelines thoroughly, I would gladly wait in line for the opportunity to kick both of these bitches in the cunt.

  41. when there isn’t thinking required:
    ……………………………………….THEY’RE THERE ALL RIGHT, folks!!

  42. HOLY MOSES ! THEY ARE SMILING !

  43. Girl

    Which ones which????

  44. Josipa

    i like mary kate and ashly olsen

  45. Josipa

    i like mary kate and ashly olsen

  46. woodbrain

    they’re sexxxyyyy!!

  47. Exclusio Video: Ashley Olsen Nude ( VIDEO )

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