Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen sign things

October 29th, 2008 // 98 Comments

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen signed copies of their new book Influence yesterday at the Union Square Barnes & Noble in New York City yesterday. The twins had a strict set of rules for the event that basically entails them sitting at a table like mute Muppets who can’t believe they agreed to this. Here’s the entire set of guidelines via

1) Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen will be with us for a limited time. They will only be signing copies of their book, Influence. They will not be speaking, reading or taking questions.
2) Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen will NOT sign any memorabilia or product other than Influence. There is a limit of one book per person, and your one book must be purchased here.
3) You will be directed to pay for your book upon entering the store and will be given a receipt for your purchase. Please keep your receipt. You will receive your book at the signing table.
4) Along with your receipt, you will be given a B&N wristband, and then directed to the event space on the 4th floor. You must have a receipt and a wristband to access the 4th floor.
5) Anyone approaching the signing table must have paid for the book and be wearing a B&N wristband. One person, one wristband, one book.
6) You will collect your signed book at the signing table. If you have paid for any additional copies, a staff member will provide you with those before you exit the space.
7) There is no photography allowed. You must put away your camera or cell phone before approaching the signing table. The authors will not pose for photos.
8) If you leave, or the authors leave, before you are able to collect a signed book, you may present your receipt to a cashier for either an unsigned book or a refund. (Refunds only issued within 14 days of receipt.)
9) There will be no extra signed copies available after the authors leave the store. They will not be able to sign for anyone who is not on line. No pre-orders.

Since Mary-Kate and Ashley weren’t doing a Q&A, I decided to skip the event and figured I’d post my questions for them to get back to me at a later date. Here goes:

1. Do you ever pull that trick where you take the glass out of a mirror and pretend you’re the other one’s reflection – then punch her in the face?
2. Not counting John Stamos, has anyone ever called one of you “Michelle” in the heat of passion forcing you to shriek like a vampire bat and fly into the night?
3. What was it like murdering Heath Ledger, and on a scale from one to 10, what’d you think of The Dark Knight?

Looking forward to your answers. Cheers!

Photos: WENN

  1. Me

    wow soo pretty!

  2. bakinmycake

    riddyly riddly randy I see something dandy….

    what the hell?

  3. bunny-foo-foo

    I’d walk up to them and ask:

    “Wow, are you guys still alive?”

  4. Ze German

    WTF: “The authors”?!
    I fucking hate their guts!!!
    This list is so ridiculous…

  5. Missy

    What a joke! They are sooooooooo full of themselves!

  6. mamadough

    i highly doubt these two coked-out freaks of nature had any responsibility in writing this book. their involvement was probably limited to having someone read it to them, twirl their hair around their fingers, smack their gum in their mouths, and say “sure, that sounds good.”

  7. Dragon

    Weren’t they at one time these totally hot under-aged babes that everyone was counting the days until they turned of legal-age, so that we could start lusting after them without guilt, or some shiz?

    What the frack happened? After all that, they give us this? What a let-down. Boooooo! :(

  8. hendero

    The Soup Nazi’s rules were less stringent. These girls sound like a regular laugh a minute.

  9. Uncle Eccoli

    What despicable little hobgoblins these two are.

  10. Wow, they almost look normal. However, give them both giant boob jobs and they would be Pam Anderson mini mes..

  11. jlylec

    together they are sexually intriguing…individually they’re kinda trolly…it’s strange.

  12. When I went to the Beatles convention in Las Vegas last summer; Pattie Boyd who is the former Mrs.George Harrison/Mrs. Eric Clapton/former model/photographer happily signed my book called Wonderful Tonight by Pattie Boyd which is a fabulous book, took a picture with me, and chatted with me too. And Pattie was willing to sign anything. These twins could learn a lot from Pattie.

  13. veggi

    Question #3- seriously fish?? I think even rough daddy could think of something more humorous to say to his ham sandwich, which, coincidently, is the only thing that will listen to him..

    Hi Jimbo!!

  14. CaptainMorgan

    Wow. These two still look like malnourished little dolls that were found in the ditch. Besides being twins, they should try to actually do something. Eating would be a good start.

  15. Parker

    here’s another pair of midgets I’d like to buttfuck. Stick my cock up their little asses and watch their midget legs wiggling around trying to touch the ground. It’d be hilarious.

  16. veggi

    Question #3- seriously fish?? I think even rough daddy could think of something more humorous to say to his ham sandwich, which, coincidently, is the only thing that will listen to him..

  17. mamadough

    @12, yeah well, pattie let me crap in her mouth and then took me out to a nice seafood dinner.

  18. @13 Hey Veggi how are you doing? And you are giving the Ham sandwich way to much credit..

  19. bart

    too much makeup and too much leather pants. suriousley guys??

  20. Rich W

    “3. What was it like murdering Heath Ledger”

    Wow! That’s pretty low, even for you Mr Superficial Writer.


  21. Anyone ever do twins? I came close.

  22. Jrz

    The one in the black has had a nose job.

  23. p0nk

    an oversized but thin, glossy picture book called “Influence”. Pretty appropriate, I’d say.

  24. Deacon Jones

    Question #4 – How many full grown men do you believe masturbated to you before your 18th birthdays?

  25. They sound worse than the Soup Nazi…

  26. lol Hey Veggi can you get me off your mind for a second? btw hand over those pics….

  27. A Woman

    I have trouble believing these twin twats actually have “fans”. Besides, haven’t they fleeced enough brain-dead Americans out of their hard-earned money yet? The rich truly are society’s biggest parasites!

  28. hedgehog

    Am I mad, or is the one in the white shirt the better looking of the two ?

  29. Heh… Douchie said “Hey Veggi can you get me off”

  30. Kellie

    Obviously no one has ever been to book signings in their life. These are the general rules governs all book signings not just MK and Ashley.

  31. B

    So, the book is called “Influence” I hope they mean under the influence and not how they influence people….unless they mean they influence people to die…in which case it works well. Stupid bitches.

  32. veggi

    @29- Hey! I just had lunch!!

    nice one p0nk!!

  33. Lisa

    Boy these two are really strange.

  34. wtf

    I don’t like the troll sisters either, but these are not their rules, they are typical rules for a book signing at barnes and noble (or any other book store). They want to get as many suckers lined up for signing as they can, hence no talking, and they also don’t want you bringing a book you got for free, or worse bought somewhere else. The whole point of the book signing is to increase sales (trust me, I used to work at Borders.)

  35. I just received an anonymous email stating pic # 10 is actually Veggi with pink sweater and double cake…

  36. p0nk

    besides… does anybody really want to hear them talk?

  37. Max Planck

    At first thought it was Mary Kate posing with Heath Ledger as the Joker. The caption says that’s the twins I see.

  38. p0nk

    #35 ever notice how insults backfire when your grammar and spelling make you look like an idiot? “double cake”? what?

  39. the fugly twins

    at least they don’t look like friggin bag ladies like they normally do.

  40. Dont you worry about that Punk,,,appropriate name for you i see….

  41. Sport

    I dunno, I think they look kinda hot.
    Not used to them not wearing Glad Bags as fashion statements and smearing their eyes with mascara and letting it bleed.

  42. Hey p0nk,

    As you can see Rough Daddy is the new Superficial whipping boy. He loves to be abused. Treat him like the bitch he is..

  43. Hey Jimbo? he or she will soon realize youre just a disgruntle rough fan,,,

  44. Jimbo? you said before said this punk was missing in action? he/she probably finally paid his light bills so now hes back and just found out theres a new sheriff in town….

  45. AteIsEnough

    I have identical twin daughters, and they don’t freak me out like these two alien-like beings. Creepy!!

  46. Wendy


    Not really because people are typing fast at work and off the cuff. The point still comes across.

  47. @45 OK Barney Fife..

  48. p0nk

    hey jimbo. how’s it going?

  49. Jimbo? can make any reference relates to this century?

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