Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen still scary as hell

March 13th, 2007 // 133 Comments





  1. llllllllll

    They look like rocker blonde chimps…planet of the apes anyone?

  2. HollyJ

    It’s Killer Clown from Outer Space VS Return of the Living Dead

  3. brennreyn

    Those “Full House” days are gone forever.

  4. sportsdvl

    BRAINS! Must eat brains!

    F*ckin’ zombies!

  5. HollyJ

    On the right in that third pic down, is that a bush baby with a hair knot?

  6. mrs.t

    #2-yes. Cornelius!

    They need to stop with the weird little smirky-pout.

  7. N@ughty

    those aren’t even zombies anymore. they’re like your average stray dogs that you almost run over because their ugly asses keep stepping in front of ur car.

  8. Xanthia

    Is it just me, or are they more frightening when they attempt to smile?

    Is it really a smile, or are they even capable of smiling?

    Now I have a headache.

  9. sowhat

    maybe its just me and i have gone delusional. but those pics especially the first one reminded me of jack nicholson as the joker in that batman movie.Esp. with Mary Kate and the red lipstick, so I think she should try out for the movie as like the joker’s daughter or something….but then again, that wouldn’t work, you have to act and you have to at least smile or laugh, which i don’t know if thats feasible

  10. mika85

    undead monchichi’s

  11. whackjob

    and you know they stand in front of the mirror saying, “damn, I still got it going on. Man, I look hot”.

    With staffers, fluffers and bobbers yup-yuppin all the way to the bank.

    luv the zoolander pursed-puss on whichever one is which.

  12. suzy

    maybe they need rehab


  13. schack

    they need to lay off the cocaine.

    there’s no way you can look in the mirror looking like that and think you look good unless you’re on a drug that makes everyone think they look good.

    plus, those smiles are classic coke vogue.
    msssssss. i’m so hot. strike a pose.

  14. But the real question that begs to be answered is which one sucks better dick? The anorexic who delights in a meal that has zero calories yet fills her mouth? Or the junkie who likes to get wasted and act like a pig? Help me, people, whose better at fellatio – Mary Kate, or Ashley?

  15. One word – why?

  16. TotalFucker

    That aint no god damn pink eye. They got worcestershire sauce in their blood stream.

  17. sexybitch

    I always thought they looked like monkeys as kids – if they keep up that lip-poochy chimp pout, in 5 years not even Restylane will be able to help the lip wrinkles.

  18. sowhat

    so terrible of me. but marykate and the joker face.

    Here is the actual joker posed by Jack Nicholson

  19. D'arcy

    They’re Morlocks.

  20. Adrine

    totally emos. the other one with the leather jacket. I almost got a jacket like that. and I’m totally emo.

  21. BarbadoSlim

    one-of-us one-of-us one-of us one-of-us-one-of-us-one-of-us…


  22. vixamy

    remember when they looked so pretty a few years ago?

    like this:

    or like this:

    now my kid has those movies (or the movies those pics are from) and they looked BEAUTIFUL! and you know why? HEALTHY!!!

    i can’t wait to use them as an example to my 6 year old (when she’s old enough in a couple of years) for the reason why we EAT healthy food (and don’t starve) and why we DON’T SMOKE.

    sad, really.

    whenever i feel ‘fat’ (and i’m not at all, i’m a healthy 5’6″ and 125 pounds), i just need to look at these chics and i have my reason for not trying to lose 15 pounds and be too skinny.

  23. schack

    oh my god, vix… you’re sooooo totally fat!

    125, 5.6″?! that’s more than britney weighs. why would you tell people that?

  24. BarbadoSlim

    I believe that particular Zoolander “pursed puss” sported by MK is Le Tigre but it’s almost Ferrari, definitely not Magnum though.

  25. polypam

    I don’t even understand how these two ever get boyfriends. They never look like they’re having fun, they never dress sexy, are too emaciated, and you know they’re a couple of frigid bitches in bed. What gives?

    And what’s up with the stupid pursed lips look? GIVE IT UP!

    I guess this is just what happens when you’re young, rich, and bored as hell.

  26. Argyle

    Pretty sad to you know you peaked at age 15

  27. Milla

    Shouldn’t they be like very poor already?

  28. schack

    25. lmao (and i’m simultaneously writing a paper that supposed to certifiably kill laughter)

    you can read minds?

  29. schack

    well, 26, even though they have more money than god, their boyfriends dump always dump them. i’m assuming that means that they buy them, until the boys realize that the job isn’t wortth all the money in the world.

  30. Where is their mother? Maybe hanging out with Dina Lohan. Shame shame shame.

  31. schack

    they probably spend so much time shitting their little starving cokehead brains out that their vaginas are veritable yeast factories

  32. Why is this surprising? I always thought these girls were the undead since they were babies on that Uncle Jesse show. I think their mom did crack, and when they were born she was like, “Wow, twins! Let’s get them to Hollywood and put them to work so I can score some more CRACK!!” I mean the ONLY reason these girls are famous is because they lucked out. As twins, they were easily cast, when one of them’s crying, the OTHER one can work. If it weren’t for that, they would just be regular ridiculous looking emo wannabe jerks.
    Wow, some people have all the luck!!!

  33. JayyMan

    Oh Dear God

  34. CarnieWilson

    Why does this remind me so much of the children of the damned?

  35. Cobra

    schack: 125 lbs. 5’6″ is not fat at all.

    Unless, of course, you think twigs, sticks and coat stands are hot… then I can see where you’re coming from — though I wouldn’t understand why, seeing as I like women’s bones to have some flesh on them, not just emaciated skin.

  36. whitegold

    OMG!!!! It’s particularly funny cuz, really, this isn’t like one of those situations when a celebrity got caught making a funny face, or going for a quick coffee run without combing their hair or whatever, in this case these girls really did decide that this is how they wanted to be seen in public at a big fashion event. they WANTED to look this way. damn that’s funny.

  37. imran karim

    ashley doesn’t look as bad.

    imran karim

  38. Gum Dumpster

    Ashley may not look as bad, but that’s not saying much considering the nightmare she’s being compared to.

  39. tits_on_snack

    I hate the way their lips purse together like a duck bill.

  40. schack

    cobra- how did you know that i was fucking a coat-stand when i wrote that. god, coat stands are soooooooo hot.

  41. kickservebt

    This is what happens when you have all the money in the world…and you have no reason whatsoever to use ANY brain power. Also see…Britney, Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, etc. Look at their faces…it’s a stretch for their brains to tell their bodies to breathe.

  42. LilRach

    It’s like they are trying to look bad. The thing that annoys me is that without all that horrible makeup and gothic clothing they are really pretty girls.

    I honestly think its an individuality thing. Because they have been child stars there whole lives i think this is their way of showing everyone that they aren’t the girls everyone thought they knew on Full House. I dunno – maybe they are just weird.

  43. julyper

    How old are they? 20? 20 years old people shouldn’t look like this.

  44. Mary-Kate looks like that one Crazy Art teacher that every college has. The one that wears scarves and has that long grey wirey hair that she still wears down her back with long black dresses and witchy boots.

    The kind of teacher who is 80 years old but will still read poetry in class about sex and talk about her trips to Greece as a young girl and the young man that “Opened her to life” etc…

    Basically what I’m saying is that MK looks like a crazy cat lady.

    As for Ashley, did they catch the guy that slugged her both her eyes?

  45. Bugman4045

    20 years old.
    They will NOT age well.

  46. #45 That was me. I like to slug people half my size.

  47. FRIST!!!

    And then I eat their brains.

  48. Grobpilot

    They look like a couple of fucking lemurs

  49. Stink

    GAH! That first pic could be the game cover for Silent Hill 5! *shudders*

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