The masseuse who discovered Heath Ledger’s body called Mary-Kate Olsen instead of 911 using the speed dial on Heath’s cell phone, the AP reports:
A day before a Friday private viewing for the 28-year-old actor, police said the masseuse spent nine minutes repeatedly ringing “Full House” actress Mary-Kate Olsen before calling authorities for help.
The masseuse called Olsen a fourth time after paramedics arrived — at the same time as Olsen’s security guards.
To be fair, I also call an Olsen twin in an emergency. Mostly on the off chance they’re hanging out with Dave “Uncle Joey” Coulier. Something about a gratuitous Popeye impression evens me right out. One time he even asked if I “got any wood.” I laughed and was like, “Oh, awesome, Mr. Woodchuck. Classic.” Then he awkwardly laughed and goes “Uh, yeah, right the, uh, woodchuck. Gotta go.” Comedy gold.
first | January 25, 2008 at 1:54 pm
first ..
null | January 25, 2008 at 2:01 pm
uh?
BunnyButt | January 25, 2008 at 2:14 pm
The masseuse called Mary-Kate because she couldn’t find an eleven on the phone.
monkeypaws | January 25, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Unfortunately commonsense isn’t handed out with the “massage therapist” certification/license and several hundred hours of training you go through to receive your “massage therapist” certification/license. Then again since she is constantly referred to as a masseuse maybe she was a prostitute. Those of us with “massage therapist” certifications have come to think of the term masseuse as code for prostitute since there isn’t a single state or national board that calls us by the term masseuse…just the uninformed.
BunnyButt | January 25, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The masseuse called Mary-Kate first because she couldn’t find an eleven on the phone.
Cap'n Pickles | January 25, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Now I know. He died of Pecker ashyxiation from that tiny little hobbit cooch of hers. I expect now that she’s involved she thinks she is a big star again. Probably going to go around LA acting all “Trollier Then Thou”.
wtf | January 25, 2008 at 2:33 pm
wtf
cowgirl's faster than speed dial | January 25, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I thought “3″ was the number of times she beat poor defenseless fur-bearing critters for her coats?
Confused | January 25, 2008 at 2:34 pm
woah, what the hell is everyone talking about?
Fetus Chick etc…love your short story. Where can I find the earlier installments?
Confused | January 25, 2008 at 2:37 pm
woah, what the hell is everyone talking about?
Fetus Chick etc…love your short story. Where can I find the earlier installments?
Uncle Joey | January 25, 2008 at 2:47 pm
That’s funny…the Mary Kate emergency hotline…I bet Uncle Joey is actually working calls.
but seriously…does anyone know how the west was fun?
by far one of the funniest posters I’ve seen to date…
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B000294U64/ref=dp_image_0/105-7072396-1274843?ie=UTF8&n=130&s=dvd
RichPort | January 25, 2008 at 3:08 pm
She looks like an 11 year old Steve Tyler.
Sauron | January 25, 2008 at 3:18 pm
She called 3 times instead of 911?So i guess she called 303,6666666 (mathematic joke).
D.Stowater | January 25, 2008 at 3:22 pm
that fetus chick thing
LMFAO!
what the hell
Mick | January 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Why call Mary-Kate and not 911 first?? This housekeeper is a fucking retard. I doubt it would of made a difference if 911 got there any sooner…..but who knows?
sameshitdifferentyear | January 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Someone might need to call 911 again
A midget baboon has escaped from the zoo
Anyone who spends any time on the two simians other than underscoring their missing 2-percent dna
Look up Amber Heard and put the two images side-by-side
Then get the tranquilizer gun
dephs | January 25, 2008 at 3:27 pm
mary kate looks like a 60y/o woman.
sva1994 | January 25, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Why the fuck, if she wanted to dial 911, would she hit the fucking speed dial? Who other than William Shatner and Chicken Little has 911 on their goddamn speed dial?
Outsized Schlong | January 25, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Comments on this thread even more random and pointless than usual. Either server is whacked and/or there are some spectabulous new drugs out there that nobody told me about.
BTW, huge coincidence: MKO is also on speed dial on my cell. I do her digits for recipe advice–her ipecac brownies are to die for.
RichPort | January 25, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I blame Heath.
p0nk | January 25, 2008 at 3:43 pm
In all fairness to the masseuse, Heath was found naked ass up with one of Mary Kate’s very expensive bracelets sticking a half-inch out of his anus. So who ya gonna call?
Stephen | January 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Fuckin dipshit masseuse. If she had called 911 right away, Heath could been up and on his knees again in no time.
RichPort | January 25, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Weird… Heath is like death… except with an H… coincidence???
Jrz | January 25, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Elf-like anorexic tramps are known to have magical healing powers.
jas | January 25, 2008 at 3:58 pm
MKO is an evil clown vampire. Poor Heath never had a chance.
Sam | January 25, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Well…if he needed powerful stimulant drugs as quickly as possible, Mary-Kate probably was the best option.
Appino | January 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm
The masseuse was freaking out because when she called the cell phone number, she thought she could hear ringing in the next room, but when she looked all she thought she saw was a pair of glowing red eyes peaking out from behind a curtain.
BunnyButt | January 25, 2008 at 4:04 pm
The masseuse called Mary-Kate first because she couldn’t find eleven on the phone.
D. Richards (Chef.) | January 25, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Mary-Kate is a licensed paramedic.
If Kate would have arrived before the medics, she would have performed CPR, then immediately rushed in to the bathroom to purge her lunch, and pop a couple of laxatives.
monkeypaws | January 25, 2008 at 4:18 pm
masseuse = archaic term most commonly associated with prostitution in the 21st century
massage therapist/practitioner = a person who has several hundred hours of training as well as being licensed or certified to perform a therapeutic massage by the state they reside/work in
BunnyButt | January 25, 2008 at 4:23 pm
#30, for all we know, masseuse may very well be the proper term in this case…
cholo mcspread'em | January 25, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Grunge called, they want their “look” back, Mary Kate.
PunkA | January 25, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Here is what I am curious about. What if it comes out that Heath had illegal drugs in his system, yet none were found at the scene? Mary Kate, the housekeeper and the happy ending masseuse may be up for an obstruction charge. And it would explain 3 calls to Mary Kate before calling 911. They might have known he was dead and wanted to clear the room of paraphernalia. Not sayin this is what happened. Just wondering why all the calls BEFORE 911 was dialed. Seems strange.
FRIST!!! | January 25, 2008 at 5:00 pm
She makes me feel fat
my comment | January 25, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Purple keffiyahs are the new mourning accessory.
RichPort | January 25, 2008 at 5:13 pm
#28 – HAHAHAHAHA
I refuse to believe the masseuse was a pro… there wasn’t a single report she had a dick.
FRIST!!! | January 25, 2008 at 5:29 pm
They just needed time to hide Mary Kate’s bong..
Athens | January 25, 2008 at 5:46 pm
To be far I would call someone else first too, he was dead at that point., I’m sure she knew. How would you break it to the police who showed up. Yeah, I was umm just here to get a massage and noticed he was dead in his bedroom. Give it a week, Headline reads: Ledger was sleeping with massage giver, she’s knocked up with his spawn.
NG! | January 25, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Actually, he’s not “Uncle Joey,” he is Danny Tanner’s best friend from grade school. No familial relation. Now that I’ve brought this to your attention, I will attempt to crucify myself in shame for knowing that fact. Good day!
sniggol | January 25, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Dang, she’s really got the Yoko Ono look down pat. Starting to get all gnomish and hermit-like too.
Clem | January 25, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Mary-Kate, don’t listen to those haters, you’re a gorgeous middle-aged woman in the prime of her life, you look no older than 39 and your menopause are still probably a few weeks off. Just don’t eat too much.
Anonymous | January 25, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Why does anyone even pay attention to this “girl” and her equally butt ugly sister? I mean, what the hell do they do besides look like shit all the time? I never watched that show they were on, did they even have speaking parts? Jeezus………Can I be famous for absolutely nothing too? I wanna be rich.
rthjrthysrth | January 25, 2008 at 6:52 pm
soljfghblohsuyrftghiul
Anonymous | January 25, 2008 at 6:55 pm
How dare you!
You have no idea how much this hard-working talent is suffering. I have read reports that she is, and I quote, “devastated.”
lizard | January 25, 2008 at 7:45 pm
LOOOOL. I KNEW SHE WAS THE KILLER!
Morgan | January 25, 2008 at 8:28 pm
I just wanted to share my opinion about the massuese that took a few mins. to call 911. As someone who has found a friend dead I know first hand that you do not think as fast as you normally do in this situation.. I walked into my bathroom upon coming home from doing laundry. A few friends had come back with me. As I walked into the bathroom, I saw my friend hanging from the ceiling. -Please remember unless you’ve actually been in this situation please don’t throw stones.- I immediately ran out to the living room and was frantically telling people to call 911 and that danny (not real name) had hung himself. I’m known as the joker in my crowd, and I realized that to my horror, my friends thought I was just making a really bad joke. It honestly never occured to me to go and try to cut him down. (he was in such a condition that I knew he had been dead too long.) Let’s leave it at that. My point is this- I never picked up the phone to 911, the only thought that I could comprehend was “I need to make them understand I’m not joking.” I realize that many will just think this shows my intelligence level must be low, But I assure you I’m a normal, intelligent person. My heart goes out to the massuese because I was absolutely crucified by his family and loved ones for not responding like a trained paramedic or dr. would have. I hope you can find some peace, and you will be left alone soon. From what I have heard about Heath Ledger, he wouldn’t want someone suffering so much because they were unfortunate enough to find him. The coroner has already stated that he had been deceased for some time, and would not have been able to be revived. Please give this person a break. You have no idea what someone goes through after finding a person dead. And I hope you never have to learn.
Athens | January 25, 2008 at 9:16 pm
True 46. I am 22 in April and never knew who to call when you find someone (IE Grandparent) dead in their home. I am lucky enough to have a handful of emergency workers who I could call at home. 911 would be at the dead bottom of my call for help list, they are next to worthless most times anyways. More so when they put you on hold.
sad people | January 25, 2008 at 9:22 pm
the bitch didn’t call 9/11 cause she isn’t licensed in NY. a licensed therapist is required to know CPR. now heath is dead and the dumb bitch is facing jail time.
gerard Vandenberg | January 25, 2008 at 10:44 pm
JUST BORN STUPID!!
she can’t do much about it though.
BallsNYC | January 25, 2008 at 11:04 pm
ever wonder if heath did it with the twins?