Mary Carey in a bikini = CLASSY

June 19th, 2008 // 174 Comments

Mary Carey (VH1 Celebrity Rehab, a shitload of porn) celebrated her 28th birthday yesterday with her boyfriend in Las Vegas. If I ever get married, when it comes time to plan the wedding I’m going to point to this last picture and say “That stuff. I want that stuff to happen.” And by that stuff I mean me pouring water on a porn star while wearing a shirt that will make random strangers want to throw a chainsaw at my face. So, pretty much the most romantic day ever.


  1. @ Binky, #96: No, she’s a witch. This link is the video that got me started on her. She has a fit.

    I like:

    cats, kittens, math, physics, racism and making people blow up in purple-faced apoplectic fits. : D

    I’m not sure why I like TipToeChick . . . except that she does a pretty nice rant against a black guy here . . .

    Too bad it’s an anti-racist rant, but at least the target was a black guy . . .

    Are either you or Frist ready to tantrum yet???

  2. you crazy, girl

  3. OK, here’s the deal. You read the post. You comment about the absurdity of the post. We don’t get into politics, we don’t get into racism, we don’t get into motherfucking witchcraft…we just make fun of stuff. Is that ok?

  4. Groucho

    Yeah, right, she’s 28… I’m pretty sure she’d fail the “quick, what year were you born?” test.

  5. Joejam2845

    Looks like she went to the Pam Anderson school of Overkill fakeboobs! BTW, Mariah is 38 NOT 28! Chek your facts Morons!

  6. @ #103, Frist: I’m not a girl; I’m a guy (although if you want to think I’m girl, feel free). Here you can watch this; you’ll probably like it better than anything on here.

  7. Yeah…I’m not falling for it again….

  8. Yeah…I’m not falling for it again….

  9. I got stuck, you GOT me

    If I am lost it’s only for a little while..

  10. Dave

    WTF is that..! She is damn *ukin fatty pig..!

  11. Rut Roh


    It took me most of the day to wrap my head around who the hell Mary Carey is. I really thought “Mariah Carey” or however you spell these names.

    …and I love porn…how the hell did I miss this walrus with ginormous juggernats?

  12. NavelGazer

    Doesn’t anyone but me object to Assembly Line Fucks being called “stars”?

    Who let this woman in under the fence? When a coyote comes down out of the hills to fuck your dog in heat, it will usually kill the dog. Giving the same recognition to mattresses as you give to a real actress/actor is bound to ruin the entertainment world.

  13. woodhorse

    And there’s a bridge full of people staring at her Significant Douche’s t-shirt.

  14. Anne

    This is just not Mariah! I don’t even have to look long to see that this is somebody else. Who i don’t know, but reaaaally not Mariah.


  15. Anne

    oh ok.. i get it :’)

  16. Hahahahahaha….Mariah Carey. Yeah. That’s not Mimi! Those breasteses are too firm to be Mimi’s. All joking aside, yerk, I think I just threw up a little. Yikes!

  17. Drunkman

    LOL that girl is a f*cking rat!

  18. Matt

    That’s too bad she got implants. She had really nice natural breasts and now they look ridiculous.

  19. Learn to Read

    Hey #105 & 116, and I’m sure a bunch more above that… That is MARY Carey, not Mariah Carey! Go back and read it again. Although both are disgusting women and I can see why you made the mistake.

  20. Irina

    THAT is NOT Mary Carey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Julian

    She looks so fucking smart in that picture. Really big brains . . . What can I say, I’m a sucker for smart girls

  22. Lola

    Gross… Fat dirty looking cock-sucker…. Stop swallowing skank, maybe you’ll love some weight…. Nasty bitch

  23. Lola

    Gross… Fat dirty looking cock-sucker…. Stop swallowing skank, maybe you’ll lose some fucking weight…. Nasty bitch

  24. Deacon Jones

    Oh god am I hungover today

    That fucker should start pouring beer on her instead so she instantly relapses, now that would be funny

  25. kirsten dunst

    her hair is absolutely disgusting, jesus.

  26. You know, the funny thing is that Mary Carey is a lot more classy than Mariah Carey ever dreamed of being! At least Mary admits to being a whore and does have some talent (fucking) while Mariah’s talent is squeeking like a pig and marrying rich then becomming a whore.

  27. bakinmycake

    Don not inflate more than 60 PSI

    Can those things be used as a floatation device in the event of a crash?

  28. snarkymalarky

    come on, get this bloated bleepin’ pig off the top of the page already!

  29. lovethepooty

    I may be out of the loop, but did she marry Nick Cannon?

    Plus, everything about her is DISGUSTING…she is a true pig.

    The only thing I would do is tit-fuck her and give her a pearl necklace!

  30. Mordecai Brown

    She’s cute in that she-will-suck-your-dick-until-you-can’t-walk-straight-or-and-it-might-fall-off-afterwards kind of way.

  31. tizdale

    ugh! any one who thinks that is hot is seriously desperate…or maybe from the midwest! anyway, it takes huge fake implants to make the rest of that lard look hot, otherwise she would just look like a flat chested, fat, bleached out, piece of white trash that she is. check out those pics of her fat ass laying on her belly from the side, yuck have fun with that boys!

  32. jetjaguar

    #28 called it. That’s David Weintraub from A&E’s Sons of Hollywood. And she’s wearing a Sons Of Hollywood T-shirt? Hmnn I smell a set-up. Did they ever renew that show?

  33. bunny

    #1 ditto

    Is this a failed porn star?

  35. kla


  36. kla


  37. Tamcakes

    She should try sucking in more. I don’t think she’s sucking hard enough.

  38. Tom

    Yuck. Like most professional pornstars, she’s ugly and stupid. Internet porn models are so much prettier (and smarter it seems).

  39. Jessica Rabbit

    Wow. Those implants look painful. And hard.

  40. arealcad

    First Jenna then Mary. What about a hot photo of an attractive porn “actress”, like Rita Faltoyano?

    Not that I know anything about obscure Eastern European porno models or anything.



    she has BIG BOOBS

  42. F-U

    It’s not her.

  43. pistola

    ew. someone tell that nasty thing to close its legs!

  44. Jewel

    omg.. i thought it was mariah until i read the comments
    i couldn’t believe how ugly she had gotten :\
    well i’m glad it isn’t her
    i’ve never heard of this mary before…

  45. Stoopeedo

    Gottaluv the rug burnt knees… You know she works hard for her money.

  46. Blah

    I have no idea who this is…of course, I don’t watch porn. She’s not one bit attractive and why would a guy want to be with a chick who’s seen more dick’s than a urinal.

  47. Toni

    shes actually 38…


  48. Sexy, but not beautiful. You can go to the single club —— to check beautiful and hot photos. There are so many hot singles there, but you should be a single, then you can join since it is a single club.

  49. y.

    middle row, far left. theres a guy in the background wearing the same tshirt?

  50. y.

    middle row, far left. theres a guy in the background wearing the same tshirt?

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