WEEKEND NERDIOR: Marvel Phase Two Edition

April 7th, 2013 // 16 Comments
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And now for the part of the week where I snuff out what tiny chance this site gives me of getting laid by rambling on about comics, video games and/or my deep concern about who’s wearing green booty shorts next to Batman. I probably should’ve named this column “Dust Penis,” but after months staring at Jon Hamm‘s, I don’t feel right calling mine by it’s proper anatomical name. It hasn’t earned it. As for what I do call it? MODOK WienerNub. And, no, I won’t tell you if I made a tiny floating chair for it. Let’s have some boundaries, alright?

Marvel Phase Two

Marvel released a metric ass-ton of concept art and footage from its Phase Two movies Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of The Galaxy and Ant Man. Probably most revealing out of all them is Captain America’s costume will apparently be either the exact same one, or something closer, from the first movie and not the derp-face fiasco from The Avengers. [Spinoff Online, GeekZenith]

Carmine Infantino (1925 – 2013)

Carmine Infantino, one of the architects of DC’s Silver Age who designed the version of The Flash that’s been a timeless icon for decades died Thursday at his home in Manhattan at age 87. [New York Times]

Microsoft Employee Acts Like Huge Dick About Next Xbox’s Always Online Rumors

Microsoft Creative Director Adam Orth decided to be a giant condescending cock to an engineer at Bioware who expressed concern on Twitter over reports that the next Xbox will have to be online at all times, or it’ll shut your shit down. A valid concern in light of the recent Diablo III and Sim City fiascos that, gauging by Internet reactions, caused everyone’s grandmother to be raped before collapsing the universe into a perpetual state of fiery anarchy where we never die and relive our nightmares over and over. I may be downplaying that. [GammaSquad]

Michael Bay Wants Hot Models For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What Are The Odds?

A recent casting call in Jones Beach, New York asks for “beautiful female models” for Foursquare, the production name for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. In related news, Michael Bay was last seen doing donuts in a pig farm with 27 Ferraris. [OLV]

Disney Put LucasArts Out of Its Misery

Like anyone who’s made it this far into the post I have fond, lonely memories of playing LucasArts games like Dark Forces, Maniac Mansion, Day of The Tentacle, etc., but one of the last games they put out was Star Wars Kinect, so it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Disney shuttered the whole company this week and announced it will farm out Star Wars to other publishers, most of which will probably make a bunch of shitty Facebook and mobile games because easy money. [io9]

Also, if you were really stoked for 1313 which has little chance of seeing the light of day now, you’re probably not going to want to click this link about who the game was about. [Kotaku]

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Here’s Peter Jackson doing a video Q&A for the next Hobbit movie where Stephen Colbert shows up and asks an insanely detailed question about elves that oddly doesn’t address how Legolas has sex with Miranda Kerr in our world.

Bruce Timm Might Be Involved With The Justice League Movie

That’s how I read this report clarifying that he has not left DC Animation after twenty years, but is taking time off for a “personal project.” Or he’s murdering the family of Cartoon Network executives for always cancelling his shows. Either one. [GammaSquad]

Meanwhile, Justice League Dark Is Probably Going To Arrive First And Keanu-Less

DC/Warner Bros is actually letting Guillermo del Toro develop that Justice League Dark movie he’s been talking about which will include a non-Keanu Reeves John Constantine, Swamp Thing, The Demon, Deadman, The Spectre and Zatanna. Which one of them will have eyeballs in their hands is anybody’s guess. [Coming Soon]

The New Robin Is Who Now?

A lot of people have gripes about The New 52 (After trying out a bunch of titles, I’m already down to just Batman, Talon and Wonder Woman after ditching Batman Incorporated and Aquaman this week.), and they can now add “pissing all over The Dark Knight Returns” to the list, because somehow Carrie Kelley will appear in Batman and Robin #19 as a college student and a permanent character despite Batman not being an old drunk guy who uses a gun and beats the shit out of Superman. Maybe he’ll put a kid in her for Grant Morrison to kill, too. Who the fuck knows? [New York Post]

Here’s Comicbookgirl19‘s take on all the current state of Batman because she’s softer on the eyes than me, and probably much, much stronger:

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  1. You should always have that April Eve thumbnail accompanying the Weekend Nerdior. ALWAYS.

  2. What comics do you usually buy Fish?

    • Here’s the current list of monthlies I blow my money on instead of waiting for the trades. (Basically if Jonathan Hickman’s writing it, I’m picking it up.):

      Batman
      Fatale (The last two one-shots were just goddamn.)
      Saga (I literally buy copies of the first trade and force people to read it.)
      Thief of Thieves
      Nick Fury MAX (How this Garth Ennis gem isn’t getting more praise is a fucking travesty.)
      Massive
      Wonder Woman (I tried to give Wonder Woman a shot during Straczynski’s aborted reboot. This is light years better than that.)
      Manhattan Projects
      Talon
      Thor: God of Thunder (The absolute crown jewel of the Marvel NOW books.)
      Avengers
      New Avengers
      Scarlet
      Uncanny X-Men
      Guardians of the Galaxy
      East of West

      Here are the trades I’m going to pull the trigger on because I’ve heard nothing but good things and missed the monthlies:

      Mind MGMT
      Nowhere Men
      New Deadwardians

      • I’m one of those casual fans that got sucked back in with the new 52. I’ve enjoyed a lot of it, but there have been some terrible ones in the mix also. I’m still sticking with some of the titles and I’m tentatively back on board for Green Arrow with the new team working on it, but I’d really like to see DC stop moving their artists and writers around so much. Especially when it comes to Gail Simone and Batgirl.

        My pull list isn’t quite that long yet, but I had been trying avoid getting sucked back in completely. Now, I’m pretty sure I’m just going all in and being fine with never getting laid for free again. What else is that Backpage website for anyway?

      • SMB

        …is that the thor book featuring the god-butcher story?
        …yeah, i’ve been buying that one, and, jesus …fucking amazing.
        (esad ribic is the shit…along the same lines as ariel olivetti)
        …and i’m curious: why does’nt “invincible” get more love? why is’nt he on more top-whatever lists? hands-down my favorite book of all time.

  3. Dark Empire? Don’t you mean Dark Forces? Dark Empire was a comic book series where Luke got seduced by the dark side and…wait what? Um…Excuse me while I go have sex with my beautiful model wife and her girlfriend….*Clicks on “Katy Perry Loses Her Bikini” link and starts masturbating*

    • Fixed. And I know nothing of this Dark Empire, nor how the second book had lightsabers shooting out of a goddamn tree. I’m pretty sure I made all that up touching vaginas. Yes, that’s the ticket…

  4. Captain America Winter Soldier Concept Art
    Commented on this photo:

    cant really blame the guy for getting rid of the dorky costume.
    it looked like something he found at a bollywood flea market.

  5. I like this “Weekend Nerdior” I am skeptical about Marvel’s upcoming movies, but who am I kidding. I will watch everything they put out.

    Please let Disney do good things with the Star Wars franchise.

    The New 52 has me screaming “WTF?” all the time(It got me kicked out of Barnes &Nobles). I say that I will never buy another one of their comics if _____ happens, but always do. I will be optimistic about the Carrie Kelley news until I read the story lines, but there are too many Robins amirite?

    Justice League Dark sounds cool, Bruce Timm working on Justice League sounds cool. I just wish Dwayne McDuffie was still around to be a part of that team.

    Hobbit looks cool,

    Michael Bay brings hot girls and explosions. He is always has a hall pass.

  6. Can I wedgie Fish through the internet? This nerdiness cannot stand. A big, strong jock like me is too busy having sex with multiple women to know what any of the words you just said mean.

    (I hope they bought that) *starts crying over the sad fact that I understood everything he said*

  7. Boots

    Lee Pace as Thranduil is absolutely panty melting.

  8. Inner Retard

    Adam Orth is a dick. Good thing my gaming days are mostly behind me… I’m so old. *puts on plaid pants and goes to golf course*

  9. I have no idea how or why you decided to start doing this, “Weekend Nerdior”, but hot damn! I love it!! Aw, crap… this site is going to cut into my Internet porn time even more now, isn’t it?

  10. I get that “Thor” is only out to get female monies from a male dominated interest thingy, but did they really need to go all Chad Kroeger meets Flash Gordon for the character design? What is it about hairdos from COPS episodes and muscles that get women interested?

  11. SMB

    …i was skeptical about ant-man, mostly from the perspective of; what the fuck are they do with him to make him interesting to a mass audience? …then i saw that sizzle reel …sold.

    …i just assumed they changed cap’s costume because that dick evans lost so much muscle mass between movies they needed to camouflage it somehow (same goes for hemsworth) …and i think you’re already acquainted with my feelings about how over-produced & over-designed ALL of the movie superhero costumes are. (except maybe FF)

    …seeing carmine’s name on the splash page was a staple of my childhood …right up there with swan, ditko, colan, neal adams, and gil kane …whenever one of them passes, it feels like an old relative has died.

    …tangent: if i remember correctly, there were once rumblings that gendy tartakovsky was in talks to direct something live action for lucas …how unbelievably awesome would it be if disney got that going…

    …bruce timm is mostly an artist, not sure how much he can contribute to a live-action flick, other than some production/costume designs (we need paul dini) …but a timm dream-project sounds very intriguing.

    …carrie kelly is as cheap a stunt as fucking “nick fury jr” …no …wait …fury jr. is far cheaper …my bad.

    …i’m very tired right now, but, there is a MONUMENTAL rant boiling inside me about how i’ve HAD IT UP TO MY FUCKING EARLOBES with all of these goddamn events and crossovers and reboots …jesus fucking christ …fuck the new 52 …i boycott all “major event” books, especially the ones that promise to “change the marvel/DC universe as you know it FOREVER!!!” (talon does look good, though…i like that guy’s art, kinda like a cross between neal adams and frank robbins …and he draws some sweet babes)

  12. Sam

    I’d happily lay you for being sarcastic and loving Marvel

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