WEEKEND NERDIOR: Marvel Phase Two Edition

The Superficial / April 7, 2013

And now for the part of the week where I snuff out what tiny chance this site gives me of getting laid by rambling on about comics, video games and/or my deep concern about who’s wearing green booty shorts next to Batman. I probably should’ve named this column “Dust Penis,” but after months staring at Jon Hamm’s, I don’t feel right calling mine by it’s proper anatomical name. It hasn’t earned it. As for what I do call it? MODOK WienerNub. And, no, I won’t tell you if I made a tiny floating chair for it. Let’s have some boundaries, alright?

Marvel Phase Two

Marvel released a metric ass-ton of concept art and footage from its Phase Two movies Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of The Galaxy and Ant Man. Probably most revealing out of all them is Captain America’s costume will apparently be either the exact same one, or something closer, from the first movie and not the derp-face fiasco from The Avengers. [Spinoff Online, GeekZenith]

Carmine Infantino (1925 – 2013)

Carmine Infantino, one of the architects of DC’s Silver Age who designed the version of The Flash that’s been a timeless icon for decades died Thursday at his home in Manhattan at age 87. [New York Times]

Microsoft Employee Acts Like Huge Dick About Next Xbox’s Always Online Rumors

Microsoft Creative Director Adam Orth decided to be a giant condescending cock to an engineer at Bioware who expressed concern on Twitter over reports that the next Xbox will have to be online at all times, or it’ll shut your shit down. A valid concern in light of the recent Diablo III and Sim City fiascos that, gauging by Internet reactions, caused everyone’s grandmother to be raped before collapsing the universe into a perpetual state of fiery anarchy where we never die and relive our nightmares over and over. I may be downplaying that. [GammaSquad]

Michael Bay Wants Hot Models For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. What Are The Odds?

A recent casting call in Jones Beach, New York asks for “beautiful female models” for Foursquare, the production name for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. In related news, Michael Bay was last seen doing donuts in a pig farm with 27 Ferraris. [OLV]

Disney Put LucasArts Out of Its Misery

Like anyone who’s made it this far into the post I have fond, lonely memories of playing LucasArts games like Dark Forces, Maniac Mansion, Day of The Tentacle, etc., but one of the last games they put out was Star Wars Kinect, so it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Disney shuttered the whole company this week and announced it will farm out Star Wars to other publishers, most of which will probably make a bunch of shitty Facebook and mobile games because easy money. [io9]

Also, if you were really stoked for 1313 which has little chance of seeing the light of day now, you’re probably not going to want to click this link about who the game was about. [Kotaku]

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Here’s Peter Jackson doing a video Q&A for the next Hobbit movie where Stephen Colbert shows up and asks an insanely detailed question about elves that oddly doesn’t address how Legolas has sex with Miranda Kerr in our world.

Bruce Timm Might Be Involved With The Justice League Movie

That’s how I read this report clarifying that he has not left DC Animation after twenty years, but is taking time off for a “personal project.” Or he’s murdering the family of Cartoon Network executives for always cancelling his shows. Either one. [GammaSquad]

Meanwhile, Justice League Dark Is Probably Going To Arrive First And Keanu-Less

DC/Warner Bros is actually letting Guillermo del Toro develop that Justice League Dark movie he’s been talking about which will include a non-Keanu Reeves John Constantine, Swamp Thing, The Demon, Deadman, The Spectre and Zatanna. Which one of them will have eyeballs in their hands is anybody’s guess. [Coming Soon]

The New Robin Is Who Now?

A lot of people have gripes about The New 52 (After trying out a bunch of titles, I’m already down to just Batman, Talon and Wonder Woman after ditching Batman Incorporated and Aquaman this week.), and they can now add “pissing all over The Dark Knight Returns” to the list, because somehow Carrie Kelley will appear in Batman and Robin #19 as a college student and a permanent character despite Batman not being an old drunk guy who uses a gun and beats the shit out of Superman. Maybe he’ll put a kid in her for Grant Morrison to kill, too. Who the fuck knows? [New York Post]

Here’s Comicbookgirl19’s take on all the current state of Batman because she’s softer on the eyes than me, and probably much, much stronger:

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