Martha Stewart extends house arrest
In a brief statement Wednesday, Martha Stewart’s lawyer, Walter E. Dellinger, said that Martha was due to complete five months of house arrest on August 10, but has agreed to extend the sentence by three extra weeks. It wasn’t revealed what Stewart did to earn the extra three weeks, but I suspect it has to do with the dead bodies I saw her burying in her backyard. I couldn’t make it out too clearly, but I distincly remember seeing at least three orphans among the pile, as well as a very cute puppy. And before you wonder what I was doing snooping around Martha Stewart’s home, you tell me how else I’m supposed to score sexy pictures of her knitting a sweater. Knitting, man! That’s hot stuff!
*Update: So Martha Stewart is extending her house arrest because she allegedly went to a yoga class and has been driving around her estate in an off-road vehicle. I guess the justice system just doesn’t care about those dead orphans and very cute puppy she has buried in her backyard. Thanks to Katie for the tip.