Marlon Brando Once Groped Natasha Lyonne

Stories about lecherous old Hollywood actors are my favorite because they harken back to a more innocent time when people did horrible things without having any clue they’d later be recorded on a global porn sharing device you can carry around in your pocket. So here’s Natasha Lyonne on Conan recalling the time Marlon Brando was filming Scary Movie 2 before conveniently getting pneumonia and bowing out. But not before groping Natasha’s breasts as his assistant was reading lines into his earpiece. Even more hilarious is how everyone, including Jane Lynch, just nods and agrees with Conan that there’s nothing anyone could’ve done about it. Andy Richter, who was in the scene, admitted he just looked away, and I believe him because apparently the first rule they teach you about Hollywood is, “You didn’t see shit.” Which is how Glenn Close managed to kill that family. True story.

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