Marla Maples auditions for ‘Baywatch: Special Cartwheels Unit’

Marla Maples has quite the athletic build at the age of 44. But someone needs to tell her you can’t just cartwheel away the effects of time. Believe me I’ve tried. It cost me a coffee table, two ceiling fans and my neighbors threatened to call the cops if they ever see my “free-hanging pinto beans” again. I prefer “gargantuan avocados,” but in their defense, it was a tad chilly this morning.