Mark Walhberg Wants To Be A Cop. In Real Life.

Over the past few days, Mark Walhberg has been trying to get a pardon for his 1988 assault conviction when he beat a Vietnamese man in the head with a wooden stick leaving him blind in one eye. But Marky Mark goes to church every day now and opened a restaurant with his bruddas, so he totally deserves one. Plus it’d be a wickid pissah if he got it, so he can finally join da force and shoot smahtass little fuckahs beatin’ people wit’ sticks and whatnaht. Just like in da movies! TMZ reports:

Mark is still a felon, and he wants to join a L.A. area police force as a reservist. The problem … he’s not eligible because felons can’t handle guns and it’s generally frowned upon in cop shops.
We’re told Mark has become interested in police work as a result of researching roles for movies, including “The Other Guys,” “Max Payne” and “The Departed.”

In Marky Mark’s defense, he does have a history of racially-induced violence, unrealistic aspirations of actual police work, and delusions of fighting terrorists, so clearly he’d make a fine officer and any department would be honored to have him – if it were in fuckin’ Tiny Town. Who da fuck are you gonna put in a fuckin’ chokehold, Mahky? A gahddamn Smurf in a ski mask? Get outta here.

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