November 13th, 2013 // 21 Comments
Mark Wahlberg
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Tom Cruise found himself in some shit over the weekend after making some poor, albeit slightly out of context, statements equating acting to serving in Afghanistan. Naturally, this left him open to criticism except from say another actor who claimed he could’ve stopped 9/11 with his fists where an Israeli Special Forces officer could not. Which is of course what happened last night during a Q&A for Lone Survivor because Mark Wahlberg only masturbates with his wife’s vagina so he says what he wants. TheWrap reports:

“I don’t know it just hit me in a way that uh … I don’t know, it just really upset me that those guys were never gonna see their families again. For actors to sit there and talk about ‘Oh I went to SEAL training,’ and I slept on the — I don’t give a fuck what you did. You don’t do what these guys did. For somebody to sit there and say my job was as difficult as somebody in the military’s. How fucking dare you. While you sit in a makeup chair for two hours.”

“I don’t give a shit if you get your ass busted. You get to go home at the end of the day. You get to go to your hotel room. You get to order fucking chicken. Or your steak. Whatever the fuck it is.”

“Shit, I go back to my luxury trailah and ordah a delicious Wahlburgah because I need my fuckin’ protein, and then I call my wife and tell her to slap her tits against the phone a few times before I sleep on satin fuckin’ sheets. Try complainin’ to a fuckin’ soldjah about that after he just spent a yeeh in some shithole jerkin’ it behind his buddy’s back not knowin’ if he’s ever gonna see his wife’s pussy again or, Gahd forbid, his kids and teach them lessons like, hey, you know all that jerkin’ I did in fuckin’ Iraq? Don’t fuckin’ do that if you want to grow up strong and punch a gahddamn terrahist in his gahddamn mouth. ‘Actin’s a hahdship.’ Get the fuck outta heah.”

Photo: Getty


  1. Tom Cruise poor excuse of human being, go back to your Scientology church and STFU

  2. It's Always Sunny in Atlanta

    I’ll take marky mark over tiny tom any day

  3. joe

    Today is clearly the beginning of the end times: Kelly Brook is screwing King Douchbaggious and I agree with Marky Mark.

  4. brick

    Right *ucking on!!!

  5. God, I can’t stand pussies like him and Gary Sinise that jerk off to the military and suck their dicks but never actually joined up themselves. As far as I am concerned, if you are able bodied and did not join the military, then STFU, your opinion is worthless.

    Let me know when a celebrity actor that actually served weighs in on this matter then I will care, not this wannabe tough guy thug whose greatest tough guy accomplishment was causing a man to lose his eye.

    I am sick of all the Call of Duty playing, wannabe tough guys out there jerking off to soldiers acting like the fuckers are doing hard training 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they are somehow gods, they are not. Quite frankly the modern military, ironically aided by the same Call of Duty playing pussies, is rendering them virtually useless with the advent of military drones, satellites and so on.

    This country is full of a bunch of pussies that want to be tough guys, but they are too scared to actually join the military, so they compensate by licking the assess of soldiers thinking it makes it okay, however when those same soldiers are finished in the military and God help them if they got injured, they are cast aside and forgotten and on to the next flavor of the week. The corporations and the NYC hipsters that have seen served anything but coffee, will however happily use you on Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day to sell whatever wares they have under the guise of patriotism. Oorah!

    Why isn’t Hollywood hiring all these veterans to make war movies instead of frauds like Mark Wahlberg and The Rock? Maybe Mark Wahlberg should decline his next military movie role and the paycheck and instead give it to an actual soldier? Bet he won’t though.

    • Amen, ditto, right the fuck on.

    • You fucking nailed it, El Jefe.

    • Esol Esek

      Whats interesting is that in old Hwood a lot of actors were ex-military – Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Charles Durning, Clark Gable, and many many others. I find it gives them added authority or watchability that modern actors don’t have.

      Wahlberg makes good points, otherwise he burgles turds regularly, although he was good in that Sniper movie.

  6. markymark doesnt have volcanos full of pod-people.
    so theres that.

  7. Female

    I am DYING over the SF synopsis of Mark Wahlberg’s statements. That is exactly what I hear every time Mark Wahlberg uses his words.

  8. Eejut

    At least he is picking on someone his own size.

  9. When playing pretend gets serious.

  10. Fresco

    Is it the tie? For some reason, this photo reminds me of Mr. Jenner.

  11. Jiminy Cryptic

    Funny coming from a guy who said he’s more badass than any Air Marshall and could’ve stopped 9-11.

  12. Really ?

    Marky Mark Goes Off On Tom Cruise

    I like where you went with that one fish.

  13. Jenn

    Marky is always ready to tell people off for having their own opinions. at the drop of a hat. Both he and Tom are wrong, and both are douchbags.

  14. Naman Bates

    trufe out Mockie Mock

  15. This is the short angry douche equivalent of pot-meet-kettle.

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