Marky Mark Wants To Be Iron Man

August 16th, 2013 // 20 Comments
Stop Smokin' Ya Bastuhd
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“Hey, Jahvis. Wanna know why my ahms shoot freakin’ laser beams?
Because I don’t masturbate.” *skreeeeee-BOOOSH*

In a recent interview, Mark Wahlberg revealed that he’d love to be the next Iron Man which is, of course, ridiculous on its face because Tony Stahk ain’t no freakin’ Southie. Even more ridiculous is why Marky Mark believes no one’s offering him superhero roles. Via Spinoff Online:

“I would like to take over the Iron Man franchise for Robert Downey,” he told Yahoo! Movies UK, “[but] it’s one of those things where I kind of like playing real people, [so] I’ve never been asked.”

In Marky Mark’s defense, he does tend to only play real characters like Max Payne, a cop with slow-mo powers that look wickid awesome when he’s shooting a gun; John Bennett, a boy with a real, live talking teddy bear that’s always gettin’ fuckin’ high; Flynn Vincent, some dude fighting next to Awptimus’ Prime in fuckin’ Transformers 4 and perhaps his most realistic role ever: Marky Mark, scientist. The bastuhd’s typecast!

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Photos: Marvel


  1. aj

    Jahvis, tell your motherboard I said ‘hello’.

  2. ‘If I was in that theater with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in those first few rows and then me saying “OK, we’re going to get to the concession stand safely, don’t worry”

  3. I heard that quote of his last night and it hurt my brain. But seriously, who does he think he’s kidding? Robert Downey Jr. is the face of Iron Man in the movies to the point where if he demanded a human sacrifice to be in the next movie, Disney would probably give it to him.

  4. Batu Khan

    “I’d like to take over the Iron Man franchise…” – Translation: Even if the movie sucks and only makes 500 million I’ll get about 5% of that and that’s just fine with me.

  5. The Dude

    Your robotic acting ability would only work as the voice of the suit, you couldnt pull off the Tony Stark parts. You know – the playing real people aspect.

  6. Veronika Larsson

    We now have the winner of 2013′s Most Delusional Douchebag Award (and it’s only August)!

    This guy as Tony Stark? Buwahahahahaha.

    • Amen. This asshole owes his career to bending over for Calvin Klein & Richard Branson. and taking it like a good twink. He’s the very low-rent version of Mel Gibson, with just the same amount of bile & hate churning in his little skull.

  7. Also, think how much it would cost to redo the Stark branding…


  8. Everytime I see this douche, I constantly think of him in his role as “Dirk Diggler,” which is all he’ll be.

  9. Hey, I want to be Iron Man too. I’ll ruin a franchise for a fat paycheck, no questions asked.

  10. crb

    What a freakin’ careeah chowdahead!

  11. After that last shit Iron Man and that phoned in performance by Downey, it would not hurt to give someone else a chance.

  12. Pee wee Herman

    I would’ve masturbated on those terrorists and shit would not have gone down like it did. PEW PEW PEW

  13. Nobody else can play Tony Stark besides RDJ. Until he willingly steps aside, Marky Mark will have to step off.

    • Batu Khan

      Can’t even believe he’ll be in Transformers 4. I mean that franchise is already ruined so it won’t make a difference. But just when you think Bay couldn’t possibly sink it lower he hires him.

  14. Hey Mark..get the fuck outta here with that bullshit..

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