Mark Wahlberg Got Drunk On British Television, Challenged Michael Fassbender To A Dick-Off

February 11th, 2013 // 52 Comments
Mark Wahlberg Sarah Silverman Michael Fassbender
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If history has taught us anything, it’s that Mark Wahlberg is prone to seriously over-estimating how well he’ll perform in certain situations. So with that in mind, here he is drunk off his ass on The Graham Norton Show where after getting shot down by Sarah Silverman (How’s your wife, Mark?), he starts getting shitty with Michael Fassbender who Sarah was all over for obvious reasons that are his giant penis. It starts with a pissy aside about The Dicklander originally turning down the lead in Broken City then quickly devolves into Marky Mark challenging him to a cock-off. A challenge that Michael Fassbender mercifully passes on for Donny’s little brudda’s sake because a child should never see his father’s entire body dwarfed by another man’s penis on British television. No good can come of that.


In case you’re actually trying to do work, here’s a shorter clip where Mark Wahlberg basically tries to kill a woman via whiplash for being a nurse and exercising:

And for the rest of you who’ve accepted you’re not doing any work today, here’s the rest of the show so you can see if Michael Fassbender whips his dick out and beats Mark Wahlberg with it for calling Prometheus one of those queeah movies where Jesus don’t even invent da earth:

h/t Pajiba


  1. British television is unsurprisingly boring.

  2. Inner Retard

    These two can’t compare. Fassbender has a big dick while Marky Mark is a big dick.

  3. Flesh Gordon

    Didn’t Shrimpy Shrimp need a fake cock in Boogie Nights because his dick was so small?

  4. Sarah Silverman is awesome. Mark is a dick. Fassbender is all class.

  5. Betcha Graham Norton and Sarah Silverman would have fought each other to the death to judge that particular contest.

  6. USDA Prime McBeef

    silverman has great jewbs.

      • have a nice cup of tea. NO dont throw it in the sea, and dont place a tea bag on a saucer with a lukewarm cup of water.
        How to make tea,
        1 Boil freshly drawn water
        2 pour some hot water into tea pot to warm it
        3 pour this water out of tea pot. Put tea leaves in to tea pot
        4 pour boiling water into tea pot
        5 let brew for five minutes, stir once, (one revolution)
        6 serve

      • type ‘ freshly drawn water tea’ into google for more detailed instructions. More tea less beef or horse.

  7. A Speaking Silverman is far worse than a Drunk Diggler by a New York mile. It’s science. Next time “School of Rock” makes the rounds I challenge anyone to make it through her scenes without punching an infant right in the mouth.

  8. cali red

    silverman sandwich would have been nice, but they need a third to put something in her mouth to keep her quiet.

  9. i would eat sarah silvermans asshole. yes.

  10. I fully support Sarah getting her thighs out there.

  11. I love Sarah Silverman, yummy. Pretty sure Fassbender took care of that later on.

  12. Colin

    I think a dick-off is a great idea. I volunteer to be judge. For science.

  13. catapostrophe

    Wahlberg actually says, “I WON’T challenge you to a dick-off,” which renders the headline above rather misleading.

  14. Giddyfiddles

    Fassbender the only bit of class here – other pair of idiots on the sofa ………..gobby Silverman – that voice would go through you ….Jesus would give an aspirin a headache ….Michael you are gorgeous! Dick or no dick…..

  15. lori

    Could that be any more boring? And that host. He is REALLY annoying. And Marky Mark, shut up. Stop talking. You are droning on and not saying anything remotely funny. My God. I could barely stand to watch this just halfway through.

  16. Bee

    It was really funny. Sarah Silverman got a bit pissed off in the end though but it was hilarious! Lighten up people!

  17. Am I missing something? Norton is the perfect host… quick witted, hospitable and funny with a LOT of personality. This show is 20x better than anything US TV has to offer other than Craig Ferguson (who can do no wrong). Sitting through a Leno/Kimmel/Letterman show is painful in comparison.

  18. When people talk over each other, I want to hurt them. But Sarah’s looking so sexy, I just put it on mute. I’d love to make her all gushy and wet, big time, hiyoooooooo!!!

  19. I would LOVE to see an American late-night talk show like this: the stars actually being real, uninhibited and totally wasted. Awesome!

  20. I have to say this: normally the red chair segments are dull as dishwater, but this one cracked me up.

    More to the point, Sarah Silverman has sweet gams (although the musical guest, whom I’d never heard of before, was fucking GORGEOUS) and I fully endorse her getting the thighs out.

    I was actually kinda digging drunk Wahlberg until he started visibly creeping out Silverman.

  21. Hitler, is that you? Are you saying “the hot one, how did she escape”?!?

  22. I love the Graham Norton show. It’s original and hilarious!

  23. Brooke

    I loved all of these, especially the red chair clip. I always assumed Wahlberg was boring and uninteresting, and he is, but watching him drunk was like taking a frat boy with no celebrity status, getting him drunk, and telling him he’s a star. Sometimes it was hard to watch, sometimes I felt like I could totally have a beer with him somewhere. Flirting with Sarah weirded me out until he squeezed the host’s moobs, then I realized he’s an equal opportunity drunk.

    Silverman so clearly wanted to bang Fassbender over Wahlberg, and it was fun watching her be totally annoyed almost the whole time. And Fassbender… he’s such an adorable dork. I want one!

  24. hickyricky

    This show is usually hilerious. Wahlberg ruined it by making it awkward. Silverman is ridiculously hot

  25. Steve

    My opinion has changed of Wahlberg. I was never a big fan of his work but his performance on the Graham Norton show is an embarrassment for English T.V. i am shocked Graham couldn’t control his guest, my fingers are crossed Graham gets the annoying mr wahlberg on again. But with some tougher guests, maybe ricky jervaise and cathrine tate, we’d have a laugh then !

  26. Steffy

    Why doesn’t this article make any sense? I have never watched this show, but have heard that Wahlberg is hilarious on it, and I can’t even figure out what this author (term used very loosely) is talking about.

  27. Mrs.Plastican

    May I js apologize to Graham and all Britain on behalf of America. We are so sorry Wahlberg was such a jackwagon.

  28. Donkey Oaty

    He was an absolute prick Interrupting the other guests anecdotes & constantly calling attention to himself. and thinks it’s clever to flip the red chair as soon as the girl sat down. Completely ruined the show.

  29. the crazy betty

    i thought it was a good interview. funny.

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