Mark And Donnie Want To Bring Their Wicked Wahlburgers to Times Square

In case you haven’t noticed, Wahlburgers has been on a Julio-Claudian campaign to put a burger joint in every major market where there are fat people who don’t feel like walking to a real restaurant. In the past few months they’ve scored Chicago, Cleveland, and somewhere in Alabama (naturally). Times Square is Mecca for fat, lazy people who actually keep Guy Fieri’s “House of Donkey Sauce” in business because they love mayo and cocktails that look like atomic waste (not respectively- I wouldn’t put it past Fieri to put his donkey sauce in a margarita). Now it’s only a matter of time before Mark and Donnie try to bring a case of Bahston-brewed Wahlbrewskis to the pahty and give some unsuspecting Okies titty twistahs while they eat tater-tahts and watch the naked cowboy through the window.

Recently Donnie Wahlberg christened their Upper East Side location, presumably by smashing a pint of Wahlbrewski onto the sidewalk and yelling something like, “pull ya boobs out for Donnie and I’ll hook ya up with some free Garciaparra Guacamole! Somebody get me another beer, I drahpped mine. Fack!”

Donnie’s kid brother, Marky, also told PageSix that burgers aren’t just for guys who are hungry and need a free hand to punch some facktahd in the face for talkin shit about the sawx and whatnaht…

I think [it’s] sexy when a woman can go out and eat what she wants, and then orders a beer on top of that.

I’ve never eaten at Wahlburger, but I checked out a few of their Yelp profiles and it seems like a real pissah of a good time.